Have a Very Jerry Christmas Anyways - Weekly Trivia!

This week I challenged you to identify the famous person who does NOT have a birthday on Christmas Day, and only one person guessed the correct answer: Mr. Ice Cream himself, Cherry Jerry Garcia.

I'm a Leo, y'all, can't you tell from my mane?

Whoever guessed the right answer, be sure to declare yourself in the comments for the proper widespread recognition you deserve!

This week I'm sticking with the holiday theme. As some of you may be aware, we're going to hit the year 2012 A.D. in just a few days, and if the movie was any indication, it's going to be bloody awful. Hopefully real life doesn't match the events in the movie, but I find it hard to believe that the director of a movie with the historical accuracy of 10,000 BC would steer us wrong.

To ancient man, dogs are the new woolly mammoth.

The question: What ancient culture is responsible for predictions that a doomsday or transformative event will occur in 2012?

• Egyptian
• Incan
• Seminole
• Puebla
• Mayan

Play of the Week: Simpson Flips Out

This week's NFL Play of the Week was a no-doubter: a full flip from Cincinnati Bengals receiver Jerome Simpson. Check it out if you haven't seen it already (and if you have, check it out again):

I want to make sure this gets the props it deserves.

1. I should point out that the defender didn't do Simpson any favors (although he could've tried tackling with his arms). The defender was actually a bit airborne himself. What I also mean by not doing any favors is that he didn't help Simpson complete the flip by hitting his legs and aiding his rotation in the air.
2. With all that in mind, it's clear that Simpson had the intention all along of doing a full flip into the end-zone. What an uber-athletic, crazy bastard.
3. Simpson didn't do himself any favors by oddly grabbing the defenders helmet in mid-air.
4. He stuck that landing Mary Lou Retton style. Well, maybe not quite that well, but he used his own legs as springboards, so he gets the perfect 10 all the same.

I was thinking about doing a playoff between all of the Plays of the Week for a Play of the Year, but why even bother now? Sick, sick, sick.

A Very TDZ Christmas Tale

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for an optical mouse.
Danger benchmarked a 12-team NBA league with care,
In hopes that roto glory soon would be declared.

'The draft time approaches,' he excitedly said,
While visions of auction bargains danced in his head.
The clock struck 10, he awaited the first nominee
As he settled down for a 2-hour shopping spree.

Get to Know a Hockey Player: Claude Giroux

Some of my favorite players get the career retrospective treatment here at TDZ, however I'm adding a new category to highlight the top prospects that have caught my discerning eye. Earning the first ever TDZ futurespective and "Get to Know a Hockey Player" segment is Philadelphia Flyers star Claude Giroux.

Full disclosure: I am a big time ginger.

It's time to get learned about this burgeoning superstar that's taking the league by storm.

Play of the Week: Fumbleroooooski

Cam Newton is a part of another TDZ play of the week, but this time in a deceitful manner. See his mischievous trickery below (frame rate is not ideal).

I'm sure the Texans were thinking Newton was going to run it for sure (being the ball-hog at the goal-line that he is), but he pulls off a fake that would do Loki proud. I'm surprised they didn't actually fumble the ball, though, as he hands off to Richie Brockel between his legs. Certainly a ballsy play...

I hope to see more shenanigans from the eliminated teams in the last two weeks of the season!

Stormin' Normans - Weekly Trivia!

We have a winner for this week's trivia: the Battle of Hastings marked the conquest of England for the Normans. I knew a graduate from Mr. Haight's World Civ II class would get this question right!

If the English had used a calf attacking strategy, history would've turned out much differently.

This week's trivia question is appropriately about Christmas Day, and it's a toughie so I limited it to 4 choices. The question:

Aside from Jesus, all of the following famous people were born on December 25th EXCEPT...

• Isaac Newton
• Karl Rove
• Jerry Garcia
• Humphrey Bogart

Good luck!

Oh Romeo! - Green Bay Gets Got

In a true stunner, the Kansas City Chiefs, led by the formidable defensive mastery of former Pats defensive coordinator Romeo Crennel, have knocked off the heretofore invincible Green Bay Packers!

To give you a sense of just how dominant the Packers were heading into today, they had won 19 straight games, just 2 wins shy of tying the Patriots. Most astonishing is the fact they were never losing in the fourth quarter of any of those games. Had they gone undefeated and won the Super Bowl, I don't think many people would have been surprised. That they lost to the Chiefs is by far the bigger surprise.

Let's give Romeo some credit. For starters, he deactivated Tyler Palko and gave the newly healed Kyle Orton the starting gig - a ballsy move, especially considering that every fantasy owner on the planet knows that Orton is criminally underrated by NFL coaches. Also give some big ups to Tamba Hali for 3 sacks that helped induce Aaron Rodgers's worst completion percentage of the year.

Hali was on him like the FBI was on Sam Hurd.

The Pack Attack is still the most dangerous team in the league, and Rodgers is in the midst of a historically great year, but for now we can all indulge in some Nelson Muntz-esque trolling fun: ha-ha!

Boycott the NBA

The Chris Paul trade shakedown has been making headlines for over a week, and fans across the country should be wondering why they bother caring about the league anymore.

I've made fun of the NBA repeatedly in this blog (all I'm saying is give robots a chance), but I always took at least a passing interest in the quality of play and the performance of the Celtics. This past debacle may have just ruined the Association for me, and here's why.

Play of the Week: The Wide Receiver Heaver

I can't believe it, but the Washington Redskins have supplied yet another play of the week. Then again, the Patriots secondary is the football version of the Archbishop of Canterbury: highlight king-makers. Check out their futility as they dive across the pitch in, dare I say, silly Tecmo Super Bowl style.

Let's break it down...

• Sweet, they're handing off to Roy Helu, he's on my fantasy team!
• Aww, it's an end-around.
• Whoa, a sidearm lefty throw, this can't end well....
• Holy crap, our secondary is so bad, that wasn't even a good throw.
• It's like I'm watching a cartoon, they're falling all over each other!

Lastly, I'd like to say a few posthumous words about my fantasy team, Oh Baalls, and the past season. I must say that I've enjoyed this one more than most; I felt good about my draft, and even after losing Jamaal Charles (aka one quarter of my draft budget), I still had enough good blokes to stay competitive, and some of the sleepers I had my eye on panned out. Under different circumstances I could've had a better record, but I'm happy to finish 3rd in scoring with some lessons learned for next year. Best of luck to the Chicago Ferrets: may they represent the beastly Legends division well!

Feta Luck Next Time - Weekly Trivia!

This past week's trivia question was quite obscure, so I'm not surprised that no one got the right answer. This event is held in Gloucestershire, England, and touts the gravity propelled deliciousness of Double Gloucester cheese.

I know cheese can't be bad, but eww, what are the dark bits?

Had I been guessing, I would've gone with Cornish Yarg or Wensleydale simply for having great names. Some joker chose Brie though. Aside from my tip, and the fact that it's French, there's no way a cheese that soft can roll like that, chamon now!

For this week's question we're staying Anglo-centric, but traveling back in time to the 11th century, when the Normans launched the last successful invasion of the British Isles.

Hear ye, hear ye! My first act as King is thus proclaimed. I decree these things to be overrated: drawing, penmanship, and teeth.

What is the name of the battle that is credited with clinching the Norman conquest of Britain?

• Battle of Agincourt
• Battle of Bosworth
• Battle of Britain 
• Battle of Falkirk
• Battle of Hastings

Have a good week all!

Totally Radical - The NHL Realigns

After intense negotiation and silver-tongued persuasion that would've made Daniel Webster proud, it took one whole hour for the NHL board of governors to approve a radical realignment resulting in 4 conferences. Click on the image below for a cartographic representation of the new conferences.

 

The impetus for the realignment occurred with the Atlanta Thrashers moving up to Winnipeg last offseason, which resulted in their hilarious inclusion in the Southeast Division this year, so realignment became a must. Click below for more details and the plan's implications.

Vintage Ovie

Alexander Ovechkin has been criticized all year for his lack of scoring, but he turned back the clock for this gem last night against the Sens.

He basically did the hockey version of an ankle breaking cross-over, and the fake slap shot to wrister was also nice. Best of all, it put his team ahead and they went on to win the game.

Play of the Week: Newton's 1st Law of Motion - Plus Other NFL News

Cam Newton has put up the kind of season that can fill a highlight reel. His demolition of Tampa Bay (and my fantasy team) deserves this week's Play(s) of the Week.

He's got a lot of work to do, but just from watching the highlights I've learned some things:

• When Tampa Bay wears those old uniforms, it's like they want to lose spectacularly. The gay pirate may as well be a white flag.
• Newton sounds like he could be a QB in Tecmo Super Bowl with the voice.
• One day he'll probably get super injured, but those flying dives toward the end zone are fun to watch.
• His arm strength is better than I realized from watching him in college. Pretty quick release, too, like on that Legedu Naanee TD.
• He broke the NFL record for QB rushing TDs, and my fantasy season, the bastard.

In other NFL news...

2012 Miami Marlins - "The World Is Yours"

In an ironic twist, the Marlins are going fishing... for big name free agents! And there appears to be no end to their acquisitions, as they've targeted the top free agents at nearly every position. With a new stadium, new uniform, and I can only assume new yeyo importing opportunities, the Marlins are turning into the Tony Montana of MLB.

As if drugs didn't pay for this incredible stadium. Oh wait, it was public tax dollars. Same corrupt diff.

Check out some of their signings to-date among others they are targeting.

Euro 2012 - Finally Something Everyone in Europe Can Get Behind

Euro 2012 match play begins on June 8th of next year, so you have only 6 months to work yourself into a frenzy for the tournament! Even though Messi, Eto'o, and all those amazing Brazilian players won't play in this one, it's the closest thing to a World Cup without it being the actual World Cup, and that's good enough for me.

This is the first major soccer tournament awarded to a former Iron Curtain country since 1976 (Yugoslavia).

This year's games will be co-hosted by Poland and Ukraine, and - aside from potato futures - many are speculating about which teams will escape the group phase intact. Well, the group drawing happened yesterday, and here's how it played out.

Quack Quack, Y'all: Boudreau to the Ducks

Remember way back when I said Boudreau would likely get another coaching gig in the NHL rather quickly. Y'know, Monday. Well hand me the award for biggest understatement of the year, because less than 72 hours later, he's the new head coach of the Anaheim Ducks.

I came here to do two things: win games, and swear a ****load. Next question... Yes, my head is a perfect sphere.

He takes over a Ducks squadron that's been grounded for most of the year. Rumors have been swirling that top left winger Bobby Ryan is being dangled as trade bait, hinting at a possible rebuilding phase, however I imagine they're going to give Boudreau a few weeks to see if he can get this team soaring again. It's like he's Gordon Bombay, but old, round, and a mediocre AHL player in his youth.

I Smell A Rat - Weekly Trivia!

The trivia regulars had no problem with this past week's question, as both correctly identified the rotund rat of The Muppets as none other than Rizzo.

Hah, classic Rizzo.

His favorite past-time is eating, coinciding nicely with Thanksgiving, if I do say so myself. I hope that all my readers had an enjoyable holiday, with lots of camaraderie, good food, and unalarming bowel movements.

For this week's trivia question I've consulted Obscure Sports Quarterly about an event that involves what else but Rizzo's favorite food - cheese. That's right, it's the famous Cooper's Hill Cheese Roll and Wake!

The question: What kind of delicious cheese are they chasing?

• Cornish Yarg
• Double Gloucester
• Red Leicester
• Wensleydale
• Brie

This is a tough question, so I'll give you a hint: it's not brie. :)

Play of the Week: You Say Goodbye, I Say Helu... to my Fantasy Starting Lineup!

Here's super rookie Roy Helu of the Redskins doing his best Neo impersonation, defying gravity on this ridiculous hurdle. You think that's air you're breathing?

To be fair, LeGarrette Blount had a sick hurdle of his own which probably got more "air," but it's important to share. Quit hogging TDZ, LGB!

Bruce Boudreau out, Dale Hunter in for the Capitals

After another blowout loss for the once powerful Washington Capitals, the team fired coach Bruce Boudreau early Monday morning.

To Capitals fans, Boudreau was a highly successful coach who left no swear word unused and once galvanized the team's collection of uber-talented players. To non-hockey fans, he was the guy who reminded them of Hank Hill's dad and made them laugh with his naughty words juxtaposed against cherubic features.

Replacing Boudreau is former Capital Dale Hunter. As a player, he ranks second all-time in penalty minutes, though it should be noted that he was also an accomplished scorer. His work ethic was renown across the NHL, and made him a fan favorite for both of the teams he played for (Quebec and Washington). Perhaps his most well-known "highlight," however, is this nasty check during the 1993 division semifinals which resulted in a then record 21 game suspension.

Hunter will be tasked with unifying a shaky team as Boudreau once did when he joined in 2007. As for "Gabby," he leaves the Capitals as the fastest coach in NHL history to reach 200 wins, and will surely get another job in the near future as the coaching carousel keeps turning.

Play of the Week: LeGarrette Blount goes Okoye on the Packers D

Check out this run by LGB against the Pack this Sunday. Runs like this are what make football awesome.

If that doesn't make you nostalgic for Christian Okoye elbowing his way to a TD in Tecmo Super Bowl, then I mourn for your childhood. Check out second 35 when the guy holding onto Blount just crumples to the ground. What a run!

Also, thanks for stealing the comparison on PTI, Stat Boy. Stop having a nerdy perspective like mine, gah.

What about Bob? Plus, Muppets trivia!

Congrats to both participants this week for nailing down the save in clutch fashion, picking Bob Stanley as #2 all-time on the Red Sox saves list. He did it with a K/9 of just 3.65 as a sinker baller.

His nickname was "The Steamer." For real. Stanley the Steamer. Like the carpet cleaning people.

This week I'm turning back to movies, as one of my favorite casts of characters is hitting the big screen this Wednesday: The Muppets!

We all know Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Miss Piggy, but the question for this week is: what's the name of this Muppet?

• Rio
• Roberto
• Reggie
• Ricky
• Rizzo

MLS Cup 2011 - Beckham's Finale

While most of America is deeply focused on their fantasy football teams this fall, the Major League Soccer season is drawing to a close with the Cup Final this Sunday in Los Angeles (9 pm Eastern). I've been guilty of neglecting MLS for most of the year for a variety of reasons, but the MLS Cup this year signifies a few milestone events that are worth throwing up on this blog.

Ian Mahinmi Update - What is this I don't even...

As the regulars are well aware, I've been a fan of NBA's Mr. Hyde, Ian Mahinmi, since he won me over by fouling out in just 7 minutes and 23 second last year. Since then, I've been blogging his considerable accolades and set up an unofficial fan club headquarters right in this very blog. Little did I know that my efforts for Mahinmi world domination were being outdone by someone else. Check out this bizarre, cringe-worthy video production starring the King of Fouls.

What. Was. That.

Let's do a quick play-by-play:

1. The production company is called One Million Dollar Film. Couple thoughts: first, it sounds like they only plan on making the one film, yeah? Second, this production company is clearly the real life equivalent of Entertainment 720.
2. "Do you love blue robe?" - Ummmm.
3. How do I lift more weights than this guy? I hope he was just lightening his workout to avoid sweating, because he's not going to be breaking many ribs with his hacks if he goes so easy on himself.
4. Kissing the bicep: there's a fine line between it looking ultra-cheesy vs. a classic Scott Steiner move, and I think we all know how this one fell out.
5. "Do you love man working out?" - No, but I do love articles before nouns. Where are they?
6. OMG, Mahinmi clones! The 5 of them could round out the most lethal starting lineup in NBA history.
7. *thumbs up*
8. "Do you love smily face?" - Between the incorrect spelling and this bizarre sequence of questions, I don't even know what's real anymore.

Fan video, personal dating ad, cloning science propaganda: your guess is as good as mine.

The New Hotness: 2012 MLB Uniforms

As the MLB off-season rolls along, teams are trying to help their fans forget the excruciatingly long, mind-numbing 162 game season. A season for most teams that was an inevitable failure and ended long before September. A season stimulating harsh, existential struggles about the meaning of it all, and why on Earth you dared to care. A season that- ooooh! Shiny new uniforms!!

Prepare for jerseys on steroids!

Click below for a preview of the trends and styles that will have uniform fetishists flocking to the ballpark next year.

Do a jig for TDZ trivia

The trivia question this past week was quite difficult, as all of the films received higher ratings from IamDB, and you can never have too much faith in how the internet mob rates anything. Here's what they think:

• Major League - 6.9
• A League of Their Own -7.0
• The Natural - 7.4
• The Sandlot - 7.5
• Field of Dreams - 7.6

Unfortunately no one picked Field of Dreams, but some very defensible picks made nonetheless.

This week's trivia question will be combined with TDZ reporting: Jonathan Papelbon recently signed a 4 year, $50 million contract with the Philadelphia Phillies, which is the largest contract for a closer in major league history.

Paps, you will be missed.

Paps was a vital and entertaining part of the Sox for 7 years, and during that time he set the team record for all-time saves. My question is:

Who is ranked second all-time in saves for the Red Sox?

• Lee Smith
• Jeff Reardon
• Bob Stanley
• Tom Gordon
• Keith Foulke

Obligatory 11/11/11 Update

I've been less active than in recent weeks, but part of the reason for that is the whole Penn State scandal dominating the sports world. I typically avoid news stories like this because my point of view is really not needed when it's covered ad nauseam by the lamestream sports media, and it's not exactly ripe for comedy. All I know is that there's no excuse for inaction when serious wrong-doing occurs. I don't care if you've been at the university since dinosaurs were lining up in the I-formation: everyone who knew and did nothing has to suffer just consequences.

Moving on to something awesome, I've created my third Sporcle quiz!

I'm Lieutenant Frank Drebin: Police Squad. And don't let me ever catch you guys in America! *woooahhh...*

As you probably know, I'm a huge fan of the Naked Gun trilogy, and the opening of the very first movie is pure cinematic gold. So I challenge you to name the terrorists from the opening scene!

Happy Veterans Day and 11/11/11 day to all!

Heheh, ENGAGE (giggity)...

As we all know, life without a Star Trek series on TV is hardly life at all, but one television powerhouse is looking to bring it back on the air: Seth MacFarlane.

In a recent interview, he mentioned his desire to have Trek back on the air, modeling it after the revival brought about in the 90's (TNG and its progeny). Given the positive reception of the J.J. Abrams reboot (and its profitability), there's - at best - a non-zero probability of another series on TV. Nevertheless, I'd be ecstatic to get a new series on the air, ideally using the existing Roddenberry canon rather than the Abrams one where Vulcan is gone.

MacFarlane clearly knows his Trek... I don't think I'd want him leading a Trek project, but as an Executive Producer and driving force for its revival on TV, I'm all for that!


Captain's Log: Additional

News reports from Hollywood are that Benicio Del Toro will play the villain in the next Star Trek movie. No word yet on the role he'll undertake, but if I had to bet, he'll be playing... KHAAAANNNN!

No one will ever replace the incomparable Ricardo Montalban, but Del Toro is a great choice for a villain no matter what the role is, so I'm eager to hear more in the coming months.

The Trivia Regulars Cowboy Up

I was relieved happy to see that both respondents got the correct answer for trivia this week! DeMarco Murray did set a single game record for the Cowboys, but he did not set a single game rookie rushing record for the league. That title belongs to Adrian Peterson, who set the NFL record 8 games into his career with 296 yards. His performance is documented below in a Youtube video lasting 15 minutes.

Well done!

I was recently thinking about how my IamDB movie database has everything a sports movie enthusiast needs (aside from information on the numerous movies I haven't seen), but then I started wondering how its doppelganger - IMDB.com - rates the same movies. Therefore, I challenge you to identify...

Which of the following IamDB movies has the highest rating among IMDB visitors?

• A League of Their Own
• Field of Dreams
• The Natural
• Major League
• The Sandlot

NFL Power Rankings - Halfway Home

What a topsy-turvy season we've seen so far in the NFL. Rookie QBs are thriving, top players are getting injured, the Rams recently beat the Saints, and the Colts are threatening to go winless after numerous seasons threatening to go undefeated.

He's the best Panthers QB since Steve 'Borderline Starter' Beuerlein!

I'm pleased to present updated Power Rankings for the halfway mark of the season. **Spoiler Alert** - The Bengals aren't bad!

TDZ Video Game Review: Portal 2

Making a brief departure from the world of sports, TDZ is offering its first official video game review. The subject is Portal 2, made by Valve, which produced other legendary titles such as Portal... not to mention Half-Life, Team Fortress, and Counter-Strike. For those who grew up in my generation, there's a 100% probability that you or someone you know was obsessed with one of those games in college.

While other Valve titles are 1st person shooters, the Portal series is better characterized as a first person puzzle shooter. Your "gun" shoots two holes to create a portal - one blue, one orange - giving you the ability to manipulate the movement of objects within a level, including yourself. See the trailer for the original Portal below for an orientation:

Sweet. Now that you've got the basics down, on to the review!

David Freese - World Series and TDZ MVP

Last night the St. Louis Cardinals capped an amazing season by winning the 2011 World Series. They were 8.5 games behind the Atlanta Braves for a Wild Card on September 6th, but they managed to crash the playoff party. The heavy favorite Philadelphia Phillies couldn't handle them, nor could the Milwaukee Brewers, and then they left the Rangers crestfallen with a second consecutive World Series defeat after being within one strike of being the champs twice in Game 6. That game will likely go down as one of the top 5 World Series games of all-time, and it's due in large part to World Series MVP/TDZ homeslice David Freese.

I propose his new nickname be Shredder.

Here's a quick look at Mr. Freese's season, and an autopsy of TDZ's sleepers and stinkers from the beginning of the year.

Super Mario Throes, plus... TDZ Hits 2000!

I believe I've reached the depths of despair for the trivia portion of this blog. No one got the correct answer, which is: true - Wayne Gretzky is the only NHL player ever to reach 200 points. Mario Lemieux reached 199 points in 1988-89 - close, but no cigar.

How did I know about 199? My ol' Panini sticker book told me all about it.

My only solace is that none of my readers care about hockey, so at least they kind of have an excuse, but not really. This week's question will hopefully offer sweet redemption. Here it is:

Dallas Cowboys rookie DeMarco Murray recently rushed for 253 yards, setting a new single game team record. His rushing total also set a new rookie record for the NFL.

• True
• False

Talk to the hand, because the cleats ain't listenin'.

Bonus question: Using a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 means "John Lackey" and 10 means "totally awesome," rate the fantasy owner that expertly picked up Murray for $14 off waivers and started him on his record-setting day.

TDZ hits 2,000

Lastly, thanks to all the loyal readers of TDZ for their continued readership. Special thanks to Amanda for blowing up my NHL season preview, which accelerated me toward this new plateau. Feel free to send more blog post ideas and requests my way so that TDZ continues to meet all your online time-wasting needs.

On to 3,000 hits!

Ian Mahinmi Update - NBA Lockout Edition

The NBA lockout may be having a financial toll on some players, but not rising star Ian Mahinmi. He's recently signed with Le Havre back in his native country of France. This signals a return to his 'ancient' team, not surprisingly turning down multiple other offers in the process.

Beau match... beau match... beau match...

Le Havre ("the harbor") is a beautiful town right on the Normandy coast. As a UNESCO World Heritage Site, it gets plenty of tourists, including a bustling cruise industry that makes full use of its port. I'm sure Mahinmi will have no problem waiting out the lockout in these cozy and familiar surroundings as long as he has to in support of the players union. Because the only thing stronger than his bone-breaking fouls is his solidarity with his fellow players. Keep up the good work, Ian!

John Lackey out for 2012

Celebrate good times, Red Sox fans! John Lackey and his toxic 6.41 ERA won't be pitching for Boston next year! 2012 champs, WOOOOOOO!

Sorry, John, the universe is giving you the hook for next year.

I am DB (.com) - Baseball Movies

Responding to a request made months and months ago, TDZ was tasked with rating the top sports movies of all-time. Instead of offering just the best sports movies, however, I'll go a step further and create an entire Danger-ized database of sports movies, complete with synopses, ratings, and snarky commentary.

In this inaugural installment to the IamDB database, I review movies honoring our national pasttime: baseball.

NFL Trade Deadline Debauchery

Most years you don't get a newsworthy story at the NFL trade deadline, but this year we got three! Err, scratch that, two. Well, let's call it two and a half. What are they? As usual, TDZ's got you covered.

I'm coming out of un-retirement everybody!

Click below to see this years winners and losers!

In Soviet Russia, Trivia Solves You

This question verified for me what I already knew from reading Russian literature: when you put a bunch of Russian names together, it's impossible to remember who they are. I put in a few gimmes: Stalin, Kruschev, and Gorbachev are all well-known Soviet leaders, so I imagine the two real choices were Chernenko and Shevchenko.

Shevy can't believe what he's seeing in the trivia results!

Andriy Shevchenko was a star forward in what Europeans call football for the Ukrainian national team, AC Milan, and other clubs. Hardly the socialist despot my respondents believed him to be!

This week I'm posing a simple true/false question in honor of the NHL season now underway:

True or false: Wayne Gretzky is the only player to ever reach 200 points in an NHL season.

Good luck!

Crash and Burn - The 2011 Boston Red Sox Aftermath

Weeks after the team's collapse, the Red Sox continue to make news as personnel changes take place and reporters give their accounts of the news. Perhaps the most widely read story was "Inside the Collapse" by Bob Hohler of the Boston Globe, which I would like to address.

Part of me would prefer to ignore this past season entirely and look forward to next year, but given the nature of the stories I've been reading, I'd be a poor fan not to acknowledge what's being said and dissect it for myself. Below are my thoughts.

Another Job Opening

Reports are hitting the internets that Theo Epstein may leave the Red Sox to become General Manager of the Chicago Cubs. It's a good move for the Cubbies: Theo already helped end one curse, why not another? I also predicted that the Cubs would win the 2014 World Series back in 2005, and this might boost the odds a bit more in my favor.

We're supposed to believe that a smelly goat 37 years after their last championship is responsible for their 100+ year title drought? Yeah, ok Chi-town.

As for this new opening with the Red Sox, I know one candidate who's perfect for the job: me. I'm available, able, and I would bring all the trenchant analysis and hot-nasty strategy to bear that you've come to expect here at TDZ. I will not comment on speculation that I would build the team around a "Big Bigs" strategy, only that the idea is under serious consideration.

Country Roads, Take Me Home...

West Virginia is the correct answer of this week's trivia question. As you can see in the map below, one of West Virginia's tentacles creeps up the western border of Pennsylvania. I don't know why the border's like that, but my guess is that the state is trying to slap Pittsburgh.

Unfortunately there was only 1 respondent this week, who said Delaware. I know there's more than 1 person reading, so c'mon people. There were 17 Russians who viewed my blog last week alone - where's the geography knowledge, comrades? My Dad answered me via email and got the right answer, but he didn't enter his answer appropriately, so only half props.

Hopefully this trivia question will get more responses from my international viewers:

Had to be done.

Which of the following people was not a leader of the USSR?

• Nikita Kruschev
• Andriy Shevchenko
• Josef Stalin
• Mikhail Gorbachev
• Konstantin Chernenko

Good luck!

The Sports Zoo

Humans have performed amazing physical feats over the millennia but, in spite of all our effort, our athleticism pales in comparison to other animals on our lively orb. Why else would we name so many of our sports teams after them?

Billy the Marlin embodies the traits of... abundant fish protein and, uh, low attendance.

If you were to accuse this blog of being human-centric, you'd be right, so let's take some time to appreciate the critters that crash our sporting events and showcase their amazing skills across the globe.

Job Opening

Without going into morbid detail, the Red Sox recently decided to forego a one year option on Terry Franconca's contract and now have a vacancy at manager. There are plenty of candidates to fill the position, but only one is perfect for the job...

NHL 2011-2012 Preview - You Care, You Just Don't Know It Yet

Yes, the distant #4 of the Big 4 sports will be back in session shortly, but it's not the red-headed step-child it once was. Though it lost an entire year due to a lockout, the NHL has grown notably since that time, including a $4.6 million increase in the league's salary cap this year in spite of the nation's stagnant economy (an impressive 7.9% increase). TV viewership is also up, and the league is (in my opinion) the most innovative of the Big 4 at this time.

Above: people caring.

What does this mean for you? You care about hockey. Deep inside each of us is someone who enjoys listening to Rush; thinks Trailer Park Boys compares favorably to It's Always Sunny; respects the sophistication and dignity of the mullet; thinks that Don Cherry is the epitome of fashion; recognizes that Mike Ricci is a handsome man; and knows that hockey is an amazing sport.

The Jagr theorem holds that hockey skills are directly proportional to mulletude.

Without further ado, I'll go aboot discussing the top players to watch for in 2011-2012.

Rocktober Trivia

Congrats to both trivia respondents this week! Kiefer Sutherland is the one actor who has not starred in a movie about baseball. He's been too busy saving America to bother with its national past-time, though he did wield a baseball bat as a mailbox-smashing ne'er-do-well in Stand By Me. This just goes to show you that there are never more than six degrees of separation between a TDZ post and this blog's insufferable nemesis, Wil Wheaton.

Where's the second "l" Wil? Where is it?!

For this week's question we move on to geography: which of the following states reaches the most northern latitude?

• Colorado
• Missouri
• West Virginia
• Maryland
• Delaware

*Whispering intensely* Give me the correct answer or I'll cut you!

Good luck...

The Nephews of Jody Reed Draft Day Revue

Auction drafts can propel you to the heights of bargain-hunting ecstasy, or cast you down to the doldrums of ripped off ignominy. In many cases, all managers achieve these highs and lows, but the one that has the best overall draft typically performs the best over the course of the season, right?

Jody Reed and his mustache were renewed for just $300,000 for the 1990 season: BARGAIN.

Well, I ran the numbers to determine just that. Click below for a complete analysis of team draft performance, the top bargains, and the most shameful busts from the 2011 fantasy baseball season.

Thoughts from the Blight of Season's End

There's nothing to say really. I could make a really whiny post, or cheer myself up by making fun of John Lackey some more, but it wouldn't change the fact that my blood is boiling with the heat of a thousand suns and I can't sleep. I'm just going to look forward to next year as everyone heals up and trains their asses off to make things right. Go Sox.

Bruce Chen and the Path to the Promised Land

Never has a back-end of the rotation starter created such a stir as Bruce Chen has in 2011. He potentially embodies the key to victory not only in fantasy baseball, but in the actual game itself.

My 89 mph fastball will save you...

Ken Rosenthal reports that the Red Sox are looking to acquire Chen for what would be a legendary tie-breaking start against the Rays should both teams remain tied following today's games.

Just last year, Bruce Chen was going about his business, pitching for a small market team and living the quiet life without a care in the world. Now he could be thrown into the most dramatic game of the 2011 season as the potential savior of Red Sox Nation. Not since an emergency trade for Doug Mirabelli in 2006 would a Red Sox trade be made with such urgency and melodrama.

Speaking as both a Red Sox homer and Bruce Chen mark, I hope Theo Epstein pulls the trigger. Even the most violent haters of His Bruce-ness have to admit that he's a better option than John Lackey, Kyle Weiland, or even my main man Tim Wakefield.

His ERA is 6.41. Instead of eating innings he's clearly been eating Taco Bell and cheesecake.

The downside of this trade would be for Chen's owners in fantasy land. They're depending on him to make his start tonight and beat the lowly Minnesota Twins to secure fantasy baseball championships across America.

The hopes of so many people now depend on one guy. But what a guy.

Hard Knocks with Rocks

It was a tough trivia question this week for the less geologically inclined: both responses were for the mineral rated a 7 on the Mohs Hardness Scale: quartz. Number 6, however, is feldspar.

It's a pretty boring mineral really. Quartz is way more exciting with its variety of colors and satisfying crystalline structure, but they can't all be winners. Talc... don't even get me started.

As for this week, I'm dialing it back on the bizarre hobbies and going mainstream with some movie trivia. In honor of Moneyball being in theaters, this week's question is the following:

Which of the following actors has NOT starred in a movie about baseball?

• Robert Redford
• Tom Hanks
• Kiefer Sutherland
• Charlie Sheen 
• Kevin Costner

Movie summary: Scott Hatteberg = OBP. OBP = wins. Scott Hatteberg = wins.*

 *Regular season wins only.