The Sports Zoo

Humans have performed amazing physical feats over the millennia but, in spite of all our effort, our athleticism pales in comparison to other animals on our lively orb. Why else would we name so many of our sports teams after them?

Billy the Marlin embodies the traits of... abundant fish protein and, uh, low attendance.

If you were to accuse this blog of being human-centric, you'd be right, so let's take some time to appreciate the critters that crash our sporting events and showcase their amazing skills across the globe.


St. Louis Rally Squirrel

This varmint was the inspiration for this blog post. All it took was one quick appearance and it's squirrelly voodoo magic did the rest as the Phillies were eliminated by the Cardinals.


San Francisco Giants Defeat Dove

Click for trashy, non-MLB approved video

You probably remember this as the innocent bird that Randy Johnson inadvertently destroyed with a mid-90s heater. Much like the bird's life, San Fran's hopes for victory were extinguished as they lost 10-6. This also marked a further evolution in Randy Johnson's heel turn, which became complete once he joined the Yankees.


Oakland Raiders Special Teams Pigeon

Perhaps my favorite sports animal of all-time, this pigeon lifted the spirits of Raider Nation as it charged down the field on special teams, inspiring a rare victory for Oakland in the midst of its numerous losing years with JaMarcus Russell, aka "The Dark Times."

The Naked Gun Tiger Shortstop

Based on a true story, the Tigers had an actual tiger as its shortstop back in the early 80's. After numerous suspensions from MLB for unsportsmanlike conduct, not to mention lawsuits for manslaughter, the Tigers designated the tiger for reassignment to the Detroit zoo.


Cleveland Mosquitos

Do the Jeter bug.

Let's not forget our smaller and more abundant insect friends in the animal kingdom. And I do mean friends, because they helped the Indians eliminate the New York Yankees in the 2007 MLB playoffs.


Russian Hockey Bears

If this incredible footage is any indication, hopefully we'll see a Boston Bruins team in our lifetimes made entirely of actual Bruins.


Japanese Kung Fu Bear

Evidently, bears are the elite athletes of the animal kingdom as they show the ability to master the sports prevalent in their region. Here, a bear totally rocks the bow staff skills, Donatello-style.


The Puppy Bowl

I still don't know what to make of the Puppy Bowl. Is it even a sporting event? As far as I can tell, these pooches just revel in televised canine anarchy until they get tuckered out. But who can say no to those little puppy faces!


"Hazard," The TPC Seagull

You cleared the bunkers, and you avoided the water hazards. You thought you could breathe easy. Think again. As if golf isn't infuriating enough.


Skateboarding Dog

This dog is basically the Tony Hawk of the animal kingdom, but more badass because he tries eating his own skateboard.


The Pig Olympics

If you thought fat little piglets couldn't be athletes, you're wrong. Hath Babe taught us nothing?


Basketball Playing Seals

It looks like we won't have to worry about a lockout if we get seals as replacement players. It wouldn't hurt if they learned to play some D, though. It's like a pool full of Kevin Martins out there.

Enjoy your time at the Sports Zoo! Don't feed the animals...