Have a Very Jerry Christmas Anyways - Weekly Trivia!

This week I challenged you to identify the famous person who does NOT have a birthday on Christmas Day, and only one person guessed the correct answer: Mr. Ice Cream himself, Cherry Jerry Garcia.

I'm a Leo, y'all, can't you tell from my mane?

Whoever guessed the right answer, be sure to declare yourself in the comments for the proper widespread recognition you deserve!

This week I'm sticking with the holiday theme. As some of you may be aware, we're going to hit the year 2012 A.D. in just a few days, and if the movie was any indication, it's going to be bloody awful. Hopefully real life doesn't match the events in the movie, but I find it hard to believe that the director of a movie with the historical accuracy of 10,000 BC would steer us wrong.

To ancient man, dogs are the new woolly mammoth.

The question: What ancient culture is responsible for predictions that a doomsday or transformative event will occur in 2012?

• Egyptian
• Incan
• Seminole
• Puebla
• Mayan

Play of the Week: Simpson Flips Out

This week's NFL Play of the Week was a no-doubter: a full flip from Cincinnati Bengals receiver Jerome Simpson. Check it out if you haven't seen it already (and if you have, check it out again):

I want to make sure this gets the props it deserves.

1. I should point out that the defender didn't do Simpson any favors (although he could've tried tackling with his arms). The defender was actually a bit airborne himself. What I also mean by not doing any favors is that he didn't help Simpson complete the flip by hitting his legs and aiding his rotation in the air.
2. With all that in mind, it's clear that Simpson had the intention all along of doing a full flip into the end-zone. What an uber-athletic, crazy bastard.
3. Simpson didn't do himself any favors by oddly grabbing the defenders helmet in mid-air.
4. He stuck that landing Mary Lou Retton style. Well, maybe not quite that well, but he used his own legs as springboards, so he gets the perfect 10 all the same.

I was thinking about doing a playoff between all of the Plays of the Week for a Play of the Year, but why even bother now? Sick, sick, sick.

A Very TDZ Christmas Tale

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for an optical mouse.
Danger benchmarked a 12-team NBA league with care,
In hopes that roto glory soon would be declared.

'The draft time approaches,' he excitedly said,
While visions of auction bargains danced in his head.
The clock struck 10, he awaited the first nominee
As he settled down for a 2-hour shopping spree.

Get to Know a Hockey Player: Claude Giroux

Some of my favorite players get the career retrospective treatment here at TDZ, however I'm adding a new category to highlight the top prospects that have caught my discerning eye. Earning the first ever TDZ futurespective and "Get to Know a Hockey Player" segment is Philadelphia Flyers star Claude Giroux.

Full disclosure: I am a big time ginger.

It's time to get learned about this burgeoning superstar that's taking the league by storm.

Play of the Week: Fumbleroooooski

Cam Newton is a part of another TDZ play of the week, but this time in a deceitful manner. See his mischievous trickery below (frame rate is not ideal).

I'm sure the Texans were thinking Newton was going to run it for sure (being the ball-hog at the goal-line that he is), but he pulls off a fake that would do Loki proud. I'm surprised they didn't actually fumble the ball, though, as he hands off to Richie Brockel between his legs. Certainly a ballsy play...

I hope to see more shenanigans from the eliminated teams in the last two weeks of the season!

Stormin' Normans - Weekly Trivia!

We have a winner for this week's trivia: the Battle of Hastings marked the conquest of England for the Normans. I knew a graduate from Mr. Haight's World Civ II class would get this question right!

If the English had used a calf attacking strategy, history would've turned out much differently.

This week's trivia question is appropriately about Christmas Day, and it's a toughie so I limited it to 4 choices. The question:

Aside from Jesus, all of the following famous people were born on December 25th EXCEPT...

• Isaac Newton
• Karl Rove
• Jerry Garcia
• Humphrey Bogart

Good luck!

Oh Romeo! - Green Bay Gets Got

In a true stunner, the Kansas City Chiefs, led by the formidable defensive mastery of former Pats defensive coordinator Romeo Crennel, have knocked off the heretofore invincible Green Bay Packers!

To give you a sense of just how dominant the Packers were heading into today, they had won 19 straight games, just 2 wins shy of tying the Patriots. Most astonishing is the fact they were never losing in the fourth quarter of any of those games. Had they gone undefeated and won the Super Bowl, I don't think many people would have been surprised. That they lost to the Chiefs is by far the bigger surprise.

Let's give Romeo some credit. For starters, he deactivated Tyler Palko and gave the newly healed Kyle Orton the starting gig - a ballsy move, especially considering that every fantasy owner on the planet knows that Orton is criminally underrated by NFL coaches. Also give some big ups to Tamba Hali for 3 sacks that helped induce Aaron Rodgers's worst completion percentage of the year.

Hali was on him like the FBI was on Sam Hurd.

The Pack Attack is still the most dangerous team in the league, and Rodgers is in the midst of a historically great year, but for now we can all indulge in some Nelson Muntz-esque trolling fun: ha-ha!

Boycott the NBA

The Chris Paul trade shakedown has been making headlines for over a week, and fans across the country should be wondering why they bother caring about the league anymore.

I've made fun of the NBA repeatedly in this blog (all I'm saying is give robots a chance), but I always took at least a passing interest in the quality of play and the performance of the Celtics. This past debacle may have just ruined the Association for me, and here's why.

Play of the Week: The Wide Receiver Heaver

I can't believe it, but the Washington Redskins have supplied yet another play of the week. Then again, the Patriots secondary is the football version of the Archbishop of Canterbury: highlight king-makers. Check out their futility as they dive across the pitch in, dare I say, silly Tecmo Super Bowl style.

Let's break it down...

• Sweet, they're handing off to Roy Helu, he's on my fantasy team!
• Aww, it's an end-around.
• Whoa, a sidearm lefty throw, this can't end well....
• Holy crap, our secondary is so bad, that wasn't even a good throw.
• It's like I'm watching a cartoon, they're falling all over each other!

Lastly, I'd like to say a few posthumous words about my fantasy team, Oh Baalls, and the past season. I must say that I've enjoyed this one more than most; I felt good about my draft, and even after losing Jamaal Charles (aka one quarter of my draft budget), I still had enough good blokes to stay competitive, and some of the sleepers I had my eye on panned out. Under different circumstances I could've had a better record, but I'm happy to finish 3rd in scoring with some lessons learned for next year. Best of luck to the Chicago Ferrets: may they represent the beastly Legends division well!

Feta Luck Next Time - Weekly Trivia!

This past week's trivia question was quite obscure, so I'm not surprised that no one got the right answer. This event is held in Gloucestershire, England, and touts the gravity propelled deliciousness of Double Gloucester cheese.

I know cheese can't be bad, but eww, what are the dark bits?

Had I been guessing, I would've gone with Cornish Yarg or Wensleydale simply for having great names. Some joker chose Brie though. Aside from my tip, and the fact that it's French, there's no way a cheese that soft can roll like that, chamon now!

For this week's question we're staying Anglo-centric, but traveling back in time to the 11th century, when the Normans launched the last successful invasion of the British Isles.

Hear ye, hear ye! My first act as King is thus proclaimed. I decree these things to be overrated: drawing, penmanship, and teeth.

What is the name of the battle that is credited with clinching the Norman conquest of Britain?

• Battle of Agincourt
• Battle of Bosworth
• Battle of Britain 
• Battle of Falkirk
• Battle of Hastings

Have a good week all!

Totally Radical - The NHL Realigns

After intense negotiation and silver-tongued persuasion that would've made Daniel Webster proud, it took one whole hour for the NHL board of governors to approve a radical realignment resulting in 4 conferences. Click on the image below for a cartographic representation of the new conferences.

 

The impetus for the realignment occurred with the Atlanta Thrashers moving up to Winnipeg last offseason, which resulted in their hilarious inclusion in the Southeast Division this year, so realignment became a must. Click below for more details and the plan's implications.

Vintage Ovie

Alexander Ovechkin has been criticized all year for his lack of scoring, but he turned back the clock for this gem last night against the Sens.

He basically did the hockey version of an ankle breaking cross-over, and the fake slap shot to wrister was also nice. Best of all, it put his team ahead and they went on to win the game.

Play of the Week: Newton's 1st Law of Motion - Plus Other NFL News

Cam Newton has put up the kind of season that can fill a highlight reel. His demolition of Tampa Bay (and my fantasy team) deserves this week's Play(s) of the Week.

He's got a lot of work to do, but just from watching the highlights I've learned some things:

• When Tampa Bay wears those old uniforms, it's like they want to lose spectacularly. The gay pirate may as well be a white flag.
• Newton sounds like he could be a QB in Tecmo Super Bowl with the voice.
• One day he'll probably get super injured, but those flying dives toward the end zone are fun to watch.
• His arm strength is better than I realized from watching him in college. Pretty quick release, too, like on that Legedu Naanee TD.
• He broke the NFL record for QB rushing TDs, and my fantasy season, the bastard.

In other NFL news...

2012 Miami Marlins - "The World Is Yours"

In an ironic twist, the Marlins are going fishing... for big name free agents! And there appears to be no end to their acquisitions, as they've targeted the top free agents at nearly every position. With a new stadium, new uniform, and I can only assume new yeyo importing opportunities, the Marlins are turning into the Tony Montana of MLB.

As if drugs didn't pay for this incredible stadium. Oh wait, it was public tax dollars. Same corrupt diff.

Check out some of their signings to-date among others they are targeting.

Euro 2012 - Finally Something Everyone in Europe Can Get Behind

Euro 2012 match play begins on June 8th of next year, so you have only 6 months to work yourself into a frenzy for the tournament! Even though Messi, Eto'o, and all those amazing Brazilian players won't play in this one, it's the closest thing to a World Cup without it being the actual World Cup, and that's good enough for me.

This is the first major soccer tournament awarded to a former Iron Curtain country since 1976 (Yugoslavia).

This year's games will be co-hosted by Poland and Ukraine, and - aside from potato futures - many are speculating about which teams will escape the group phase intact. Well, the group drawing happened yesterday, and here's how it played out.

Quack Quack, Y'all: Boudreau to the Ducks

Remember way back when I said Boudreau would likely get another coaching gig in the NHL rather quickly. Y'know, Monday. Well hand me the award for biggest understatement of the year, because less than 72 hours later, he's the new head coach of the Anaheim Ducks.

I came here to do two things: win games, and swear a ****load. Next question... Yes, my head is a perfect sphere.

He takes over a Ducks squadron that's been grounded for most of the year. Rumors have been swirling that top left winger Bobby Ryan is being dangled as trade bait, hinting at a possible rebuilding phase, however I imagine they're going to give Boudreau a few weeks to see if he can get this team soaring again. It's like he's Gordon Bombay, but old, round, and a mediocre AHL player in his youth.