I am DB (.com) - Baseball Movies

Responding to a request made months and months ago, TDZ was tasked with rating the top sports movies of all-time. Instead of offering just the best sports movies, however, I'll go a step further and create an entire Danger-ized database of sports movies, complete with synopses, ratings, and snarky commentary.

In this inaugural installment to the IamDB database, I review movies honoring our national pasttime: baseball.


The following films are included in this first entry into the DB database for 2 reasons: 1) they deal with baseball, and 2) I've actually seen them. Check 'em out.

Fever Pitch

Synopsis: Guy and girl fall in love, but the girl doesn't realize how much the guy kicks ass because he is a huge Red Sox fan. Unfortunately, she doesn't understand the obsession, so the whole movie is basically about how this girl has to overcome her own failings, but in the process she makes him reevaluate his priorities, even though they were already correct in the first place.

Grade: D+
- I gotta be honest, I've seen bits and pieces of this movie throughout the years, but I was never able to sit through the whole thing at once. The one redeeming quality of the movie is that the Red Sox won the World Series the year it was actually filmed, so it gets some good karma by association.


Angels in the Outfield

Synopsis: A boy's dad leaves him and says that the only way he's coming back is when the cellar-dwelling California Angels win the pennant. Truly believing this to be the case, the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun prays to God for some divine intervention so that the Angels can cheat their way to a pennant. The angel of Doc Brown answers the call, bringing his friends to the City of Angels and helping Detective Sergeant Murtaugh with his new career as a baseball manager.

The cast features Matthew McConaughey and Adrien Brody in supporting roles, and stars movie legends Brenda Fricker (welcome to the hilarious name club) and Tony Danza, whose delivery is one of the worst I've ever seen. And yes, I'm talking about his pitching delivery of course. Then again, in the final game of the season to clinch the pennant, he evidently had a pitch count of 159, so he might've been a little sore.

Grade: C
- This movie captured my imagination when I was a youngster, particularly since baseball was probably the biggest care I had in the world back then, but it's rather mediocre compared to others on this list.


Rookie of the Year

Synopsis: Before he was trying to do Tara Reid in American Pie, this guy was just a prepubescent kid who loved baseball but couldn't play it worth a dime. After numerous fielding gaffes in the outfield, he does the inevitable and seriously injures himself. Fortunately, he inadvertently gets the kids version of Tommy John surgery, which is even more effective than the adult version, and he goes on to play for the one team in the league that's desperate enough to resort to child labor to bolster their pitching staff: the Chicago Cubs.

Other stars in this movie include the Home Alone guy who had an iron fall on his face, the eerie countenance of Gary Busey, a special pre-HGH appearance by Barry Bonds, and the late, great John Candy.

Grade: C
- I always dreamed of being freakishly good at sports and playing in the bigs, but the main character was too childish even for me as an 11 year old.


Mr. 3000

Synopsis: Bernie Mac plays a a baseball player with a huge ego that retires after hitting the elite plateau of 3,000 hits for his career. Think of him as Tony Gwynn's hitting meets Rickey Henderson's arrogance. Years later it's time for Hall of Fame induction voting, when - oooooooops - a clerical error reveals that he actually only has 2,997 hits. The Hall of Fame writers continue their tradition of awful voting and don't induct him over three measly hits. To make matters worse, 3,000 hits is the basis of his branding for all of his post-career enterprises. Talk about a marketer's nightmare!

Rather than change his shattered brand, the 47 year old Mac goes back to the big leagues to try to get 3 more hits, selfishly costing his team wins and replacing a much better player in the lineup. Ultimately he does learn more about being a team player - something he never was even when he was good.

Grade: C+
- The movie does well at making it seem like a real sports story, including cameos of ESPN reporting on his quest, but Mac's character is really hit or miss based on what a jerk he is. The plot is also formulaic... what you see in the trailer is basically what you get. My favorite part, however, is how he rediscovers his love of the game and advises the young'ns to be less like he was.


Bad News Bears

Synopsis: Billy Bob Thornton reprises his role from Bad Santa as a drunk ex-player eking his way through life as a pest exterminator. He ends up coaching a little league baseball team (community service from one of his drunken escapades I believe) that is full of rascals and ne'er-do-wells, and a kid in a motorized wheelchair. Recognizing how bad his team is, he recruits an ex-girlfriend's daughter and a loner tough guy who can actually play well, and they start winning. Eventually, the Bears face off against the preppy rich kids team (called the Yankees, of course) and they engage in class warfare.

Grade: B-/B
- I got some chuckles out of this movie. It's basically the baseball version of The Mighty Ducks, but the coach is a lecherous old man. Though the movie is rather predictable, the glimpses into Billy Bob's character's life offer a dark humor that's enjoyable for the adult audience, unless you're not into that sort of thing.


A League of Their Own

Synopsis: A fictionalized account of a real life story, this movie is set during World War II, which threatens to shut down Major League Baseball. Back in those days, America could hardly entertain the notion of not having baseball, so a wealthy candy manufacturer decides to start a new league with women as the players.

Who else but Jon Lovitz is tasked with recruiting women to play for the Rockford Peaches, and he brings in a fun cast of characters that are serious about playing ball, and looking to prove it to the public. Managing the team is Jimmy Dugan, a grumpy, alcoholic ex-player who is indignant that he has to coach a bunch of women. He ends up learning a lot from his players, while they learn from him that "there's no crying in baseball!"

Grade: B
- This was a fun film, even when I saw it at 10 years old. The story is really about the rivalry of two sisters, played by Mensa member Geena Davis and Lori Petty, but the rest of the ensemble has some recognizable names (Madonna, Rosie O'Donnell, Ann Cusack). I didn't find Tom Hanks believable as a douchebag at all. It's a good movie, just not one that stuck with me like others on this list.


Field of Dreams

Synopsis: A farmer in Iowa starts hearing voices, saying "If you build it, he will come." Naturally, he assumes the guy was talking about a baseball field, so he goes about making a baseball field on his property. A bunch of jerks around town make fun of him, but he continues to fulfill his vision. Eventually several players from the infamous Chicago "Black Sox" team are playing on his field - his father's favorite team that betrayed him.

He begins having other visions, and recruits some other people to help him understand what's going on, including the voice of Darth Vader and the ghost of a former player-turned doctor who died in 1972. Returning to the field, the farmer brings the ghost along to play with his buddies, who returns to his youth as a player.

Later on, the farmer gets in an argument with his brother-in-law, and the farmer's wife falls off the bleachers and gets a wiener lodged deep in her throat. The ghost leaves the field to help, turning back into an old man, and helps her cough it up. Sadly, he can never return to his youthful playing days because he left the field. Revered by his fellow players, they all walk toward the corn fields to disappear into baseball heaven with him.

Before leaving though, the players ask if James Earl Jones wants to come with them. The farmer is like "Why can't I come?" and the players say "Hello, you have to take care of your family!" "Ugh, fine," says the farmer, and the players leave, but not before Shoeless Joe tells him once again, "If you build it, he will come."

One last player makes an appearance: the farmer's dad, as a young man playing catcher. He introduces him to the family he was hoping to leave behind, and then they play an emotional game of catch (when is catch not emotional?), as a line of cars comes to the field to see some baseball.

Grade: B+
- This is the kind of movie where, if you get it, it's awesome. If you don't, it's the most boring film in history. For baseball fans, it confirms our belief that heaven is a baseball field... or maybe it's limbo. If so, I guess limbo's not so bad. The film also offers perhaps the most meaningful father-son game of catch ever. Since playing catch is easily one of the top 5 bonding activities for men, that's saying something.


Little Big League

Synopsis: A kid in Minnesota has an awesome grandfather who knows a ton about baseball and owns the Minnesota Twins. Unfortunately, he passes away, but in his will he leaves the team to the grandson. Exercising his full powers as owner, he fires the grumpy manager (who was really just awful) and installs himself as the team's manager. The rest of the organization goes along with the move, intrigued by the possible PR implications, but the players are harder to win over.

Eventually, the kid teaches the jaded, money-grubbing players a thing or two about having fun and appreciating their time as big league players, and they start winning a lot of games. The season comes down to a one game playoff against the villainous Seattle Mariners, featuring appearances by Ken Griffey, Jr. and Randy Johnson.

Grade: B+
- This is my biggest guilty pleasure movie for baseball. Not only did I want to be a professional baseball player, I also wanted to run the team, and this film offered a glimpse of how much fun that could be. The numerous cameos by actual players only made the experience more immersive for me. It also confirmed the notion that kids could be smarter at baseball than adults, which only made me more baseball/stat-frenzied as a child. Lastly, the main character had to make some tough personnel decisions, such as releasing his favorite player due to declining performance. It showed a maturing process for the character that every fan can identify with when he realizes that his favorite players aren't infallible, and that professional baseball is a business.


The Natural

Synopsis: Roy Hobbs represents the culmination of millennia of human genetics as he is born to become the best baseball player ever. Or is he? As a boy, his dad dies suddenly under a tree in his backyard, and lightning strikes the tree, splitting it in half. In classic mythological style, Hobbs uses the wood from the tree to craft a special weapon bat, which he names "Wonderboy."

As a young man, Hobbs is a promising pitcher who strikes out "The Whammer" (Babe Ruth), and the ladies of course love him. One of them is a crazy witch temptress who seduces him, brings him to a hotel room and decides to shoot him before jumping out of the window and committing suicide. Hobbs survives, but he foregoes playing baseball.

Sixteen years later, Hobbs gets the call to play for the New York Knights, and he manages to convince his manager that a 36 year old rookie deserves some playing time. He homers in his first at-bat, and when the starting right fielder dies in an all-too-common running-through-the-outfield-fence accident, Hobbs takes over the starting gig.

Unfortunately for one of the team's owners, he was hoping to stock the team with aging unknowns to lose games and gain total share of the team. Roy has designs to foil that plan, so the devious co-owner sends another evil woman to seduce Roy. Naturally, the woman's feminine wiles distract him and he starts slumping.

Luckily, Roy has an encounter with his childhood sweetheart, and he starts playing well again, to the point where the team is on the verge of clinching the pennant. He also learns that she has a son that's exactly the same age as the number of years he spent out of baseball, but she neglects to say he's the father. Desperate to ruin him, the succubus that caused his slump poisons him with an eclair (it's not a golden apple, but I guess that works). The lining of his stomach is in a critical state, not just because of the poison, but because the silver bullet (yes, a silver bullet) from when he was shot is still lodged there.

Roy is determined to play, and, dodging another shooting attempt by the villainous vixen, prepares to play ball anyways. His old flame is in the stands, and she has the usher tell Roy that she and his son are in attendance. More determined than ever, he goes to bat in the bottom of the ninth with the game on the line. He takes several cuts, including a near home run that veers foul, causing his stomach to bleed and Wonderboy to split in half.

Overcoming decades of baseball superstition, he tells Johnny to simply pick him out a winner, and he does. Then, ignoring baseball rules against playing games during lightning storms, Hobbs smashes the next pitch out of the park. Superstar.

Grade: A-
- I love a good baseball story, and I love good mythology. Sure, the symbolism lacks subtlety, but it's nearly impossible for baseball fans to not love this kind of story. My only critique is how ridiculous Roy is for taking forever to learn this lesson: you can only trust girls who like you before you become famous.


Major League

Synopsis: Similar to The Natural, the owner of the Indians wants her team to lose like crazy so she can move the team to Miami (yeah, good idea). She assembles a crew of misfits to do the task, but unfortunately for her, these jokers have other things in mind, e.g. WINNING.

The team is led by an ex-Vietnam veteran, Tiger Blood, Blade, and a voodoo practicing power hitter who can't hit a curveball but later becomes President David Palmer. At times they can hardly play together, but catcher Jake Taylor manages to keep them in line and win enough ballgames to meet - who else - the New York Yankees for - you guessed it - a one game playoff.

Grade: A
- This is easily the funniest baseball movie ever made (unless you count The Naked Gun as a baseball movie). It captures everything you expect from a baseball movie: a team full of underdog oddballs, a villain who tries to prevent them from winning at every turn, Bob Uecker, and intense gameplay on the field.


The Sandlot

Synopsis: A kid moves to a new town and would like to make some new friends. Though he's a total baseball newb, he wants to learn how to play, and one of the kids in the neighborhood takes him under his wing. He plays baseball with his group of friends almost daily, and also gets caught up in a variety of hijinks, the worst of which being when he loses his step-dad's Babe Ruth autographed baseball by hitting it over the fence into the jowls of the dog next door: Beast.

Having learned who Babe Ruth is the hard way ("You're killing me, Smalls!"), Scotty and the gang go to desperate lengths to retrieve the ball and meet one heck of a baseball fan: the guy who left with the ghosts in Field of Dreams.

Grade: A
- This is the quintessential kid's baseball movie, but it's great for all ages. It's like Stand By Me but with more baseball and less Wil Wheaton. Unlike some other movies, this one really captures more entirely the joy of having baseball as a part of the fabric of your life. Even years down the road, when you're not playing the game anymore, you can watch a game and appreciate how it was the backdrop that brought together some great friendships and memories.