The NBA Playoffs - aka "Why we need robots now more than ever."

The NBA playoffs are underway, and everyone's real excited. After a great regular season, shocking trade deadline, and stellar individual performances, it's time to play the real games. The games that count. Not those T-Wolves vs. Clippers blooper reels (though they were much more fun with Love and Griffin this year) - I'm talking about quality, smash-mouth, defensive, team basketball. The way James Naismith intended.

And yet, part of me is reluctant to watch any of it. The game has become as annoying to watch now as it must have been to play back in Naismith's day when no one had the foresight to cut a hole in the freaking fruit basket. I've rarely watched a game where I wasn't vexed by the refereeing. And it's not just the refs being awful, corrupt, Tim Donaghy, yada yada yada... it's also annoying to have the game stopped over and over and over, especially down the stretch.

Well, originally the charter for this blog mentioned something about innovative ideas, and while most of it has been snarky commentary about athletes interspersed with odd pop culture references, I'd like to think TDZ can still amount to something more than a sleazy sports rag.

So, without further ado, some ideas to make basketball less annoying to watch than soccer again.




1.  Treat intentional late game fouls (<2 minutes remaining) like flagrant fouls (minus the fines).

Pros - There's no incentive to foul at all since possession stays with the team on offense. Maybe limit free throws to 1 per foul so that the leading team doesn't pull away too quickly.

Cons - Very harsh for the losing team, and some might say it prevents normal defensive play. For example, at any point in the game, if a defender gets beat badly and there's no help behind him, fouling is the only way to prevent a sure two points. Late in the game, that play suddenly turns from smart to dumb. Also, it provides more incentive for players to flop, which is even worse for a fan to watch. The last thing I want to see is Ron Artest channeling his inner Meryl Streep after almost bumping into someone.

Silly Artest, Rondo's glare only has a knock-down radius of 3 feet.

2.  Call fouls throughout the game like normal, but forgo any free throws until the end.

Explanation: Instead of longer stoppages for free throws, the team on offense simply inbounds the ball and play resumes as soon as possible. The officials would record all fouls on the floor vs. shooting fouls, and at the end of each quarter, players shoot all of their free throws in succession.

Pros - Play is as continuous as can reasonably be expected, although there are still timeouts and substitutions.

Cons - The ends of games become anti-climactic. A buzzer-beating 3 is just a smidgen better than a game-winning free throw with no one defending and a full ten seconds to set and release. 

3.  Call fouls throughout the game, but no free throws whatsoever. Free throw points are assigned by computer calculations based on each player's preseason free throw probability.

Explanation: Before the year begins, have every player in the league shoot 100 free throws in an official NBA event. Let's say Ray Allen gets 95 out of 100 in: whenever he is fouled and due foul shots, a computer will "roll the dice" with a 95% chance of giving a point for a free throw to Ray Allen and his team.

Pros - Again, play is as continuous as possible.

Cons - Free throws taken in a controlled environment will likely inflate every player's free throw percentages; the general public distrusts the intrusion of technology; fans will probably miss seeing bad free throw shooters sweat under the pressure of trying to hit a big late-game free throw.

Hello Shaq.  Shaq... Shaq... what are you doing, Shaq?  *smash*

4.  Brain implants

Explanation: Finally, a dystopian future is within our grasp, one in which all NBA players must have chips implanted in their brains to monitor their thoughts so that wrong-doing is immediately relayed to the referees (who will also have brain chips installed to monitor any Donaghy-esque shenanigans).

Pros - Now players have to play straight-up defense, since there's no way to "get away with one." Also, we'll no longer have to endure infuriating pleas to the refs.

You know you're a crybaby when your own teammates are embarrassed.

Cons - OK, there's still many years until this highly intrusive dream can happen. Also, it might not work on players that appear borderline brain-dead.

5. Roborefs

Explanation: None needed really. Awesome name, perfect refereeing. Also, they can hover off the ground to see over all the tall people.

Pros - No favoritism, can monitor contact between players with far greater precision than humans can, look cool and badass (in my mind).

Cons - Would be lucky to even see a prototype of this in my lifetime. Anticipate resistance from basketball traditionalists, Tech-Com.

Welp, there's a list to start, conveniently organized in order of absurdness. Basketball games can still be amazing to watch, but I'd like to see that more consistently be the case. Feel free to select a favorite or add your own ideas in the comments. An idea system is in place to acknowledge and implement them.