Fantasy B-Ball Remix - All-Kevin Love Team 2016-2017

It's been a few years, but TDZ is back to talk about fantasy basketball and has put together its exclusive 2016-2017 All-Kevin Love Team!

Oh wow. Huh. I totally forgot this was a thing.

What variables qualifies a player to be on the AKL Team? To be concise, chronic under-utilization which, if corrected for, would yield huge fantasy dividends. That is, a player who would stuff the stat sheet if he got more minutes. Selections must average fewer than 20 minutes per game, and obviously we want to skew towards younger players who haven't been discovered yet, not veterans who are just having their minutes monitored.

Past alums of this illustrious brotherhood include Ryan Anderson, Jeremy Lin (kind of), Ian Mahinmi, Enes Kanter, Ersan Ilyasova, and Lou Williams. Which of these under-the-radar guys will explode onto the NBA fantasy landscape in the coming years?

The 2nd Annual All-Kevin Love Team

There is no greater honor in basketball than inclusion in the All-Kevin Love team. Its prestige has propelled many to new fame and fortune. Just ask selections from last year's inaugural team: alums like Ryan Anderson, now a fantasy juggernaut ranked 6th overall in Yahoo. I put my money where my prose is and drafted Anderson, along with fellow honoree Jared Dudley this year with great success. And let's not forget Ian Mahinmi, who has earned mentions in a record number of TDZ blog entries (7), plus some minor plaudits from the lamestream media. Powerful stuff.

YES! I live for minor plaudits!

As the NBA hits the All-Star break, TDZ once again goes rooting around the back of the NBA fridge for the forgotten and unappreciated players who are riding the back shelf, only getting snack time duty when they deserve full meal time minutes.

Ian Mahinmi Update - What is this I don't even...

As the regulars are well aware, I've been a fan of NBA's Mr. Hyde, Ian Mahinmi, since he won me over by fouling out in just 7 minutes and 23 second last year. Since then, I've been blogging his considerable accolades and set up an unofficial fan club headquarters right in this very blog. Little did I know that my efforts for Mahinmi world domination were being outdone by someone else. Check out this bizarre, cringe-worthy video production starring the King of Fouls.

What. Was. That.

Let's do a quick play-by-play:

1. The production company is called One Million Dollar Film. Couple thoughts: first, it sounds like they only plan on making the one film, yeah? Second, this production company is clearly the real life equivalent of Entertainment 720.
2. "Do you love blue robe?" - Ummmm.
3. How do I lift more weights than this guy? I hope he was just lightening his workout to avoid sweating, because he's not going to be breaking many ribs with his hacks if he goes so easy on himself.
4. Kissing the bicep: there's a fine line between it looking ultra-cheesy vs. a classic Scott Steiner move, and I think we all know how this one fell out.
5. "Do you love man working out?" - No, but I do love articles before nouns. Where are they?
6. OMG, Mahinmi clones! The 5 of them could round out the most lethal starting lineup in NBA history.
7. *thumbs up*
8. "Do you love smily face?" - Between the incorrect spelling and this bizarre sequence of questions, I don't even know what's real anymore.

Fan video, personal dating ad, cloning science propaganda: your guess is as good as mine.

Ian Mahinmi Update - NBA Lockout Edition

The NBA lockout may be having a financial toll on some players, but not rising star Ian Mahinmi. He's recently signed with Le Havre back in his native country of France. This signals a return to his 'ancient' team, not surprisingly turning down multiple other offers in the process.

Beau match... beau match... beau match...

Le Havre ("the harbor") is a beautiful town right on the Normandy coast. As a UNESCO World Heritage Site, it gets plenty of tourists, including a bustling cruise industry that makes full use of its port. I'm sure Mahinmi will have no problem waiting out the lockout in these cozy and familiar surroundings as long as he has to in support of the players union. Because the only thing stronger than his bone-breaking fouls is his solidarity with his fellow players. Keep up the good work, Ian!

Ian Mahinmi does it again!

World Champion, NBA man-beast, and TDZ regular Ian Mahinmi is making waves once again, this time in his native language of French. Here's what he had to say about the sport's top two stars:

"Kobe is super arrogant but everybody loves him. To me, Kobe is more arrogant (than LeBron James)."

First, Ian was doing all the right things on the court. Now he's saying all the right things off it. Anyone who's seen Kobe play or give a post-game interview knows how highly he thinks of himself. He thinks he can get away with anything (Iguodala bag tag), constantly treats his teammates like crap (example 1, 2), and is only too willing to throw them under the bus to sate his superiority complex. For LeBron, it's just another title he's unable to claim.

Ian Mahinmi has spoken the truth. There's no telling how high this guy can go!

Ian Mahinmi: NBA CHAMPION!

There were a lot of story lines going on in the NBA Finals. Dirk Nowitzki hit Larry Bird-style shots all playoffs long and finally cast off the choker label. Jason Kidd got a championship ring after 17 years in the league. And the 4th quarter travails of LeBron James will be analyzed for another year as he came up short, playing 2nd and sometimes even 3rd fiddle in the Heat's Big 3.

But who wants to hear about those stories when the lamestream sports media will be covering them ad nauseam. That's not why you come to The Danger Zone! You want to hear about the story within the story, behind another story, lurking sketchy-like in the shadows, its grotesqueness cowering from the light!

Every foul increased their chances of victory.

In that spirit, I continue my coverage of Mavericks center Ian Mahinmi and his mercurial rise to the top of the NBA.

Ian Mahinmi Update!

TDZ regular Ian Mahinmi was recently unleashed by Mavs coach Rick Carlisle, receiving some substantial playing time. With only 8 minutes played he accomplished a stat line of 0-1 FG, 2-2 FT, 1 big offensive rebound, and 5 beastly fouls.

Not reflected in the stats is one knee to the groin of Udonis Haslem. Just goes to show you that with the best players in the game, it's not all about the numbers. Best of luck to Mahinmi and the Mavs against those durn Heat.


No one got the past month's trivia question correct! The shortest of the 4 guards is Chris Paul.

Ian Mahinmi Update

NBA man-beast Ian Mahinmi was in action this past Wednesday, looking to make the most of some precious minutes off the bench.  Consider that mission accomplished.  His stat line:

7:23 minutes, 0-0 FG, 0-0 FT, 0 assists, 1 rebound, 6 fouls

Sources report that following the game, Ian sent 17 unlucky fans to the hospital while giving out autographs, which certainly didn't win over any coaches or teammates in the locker room following his performance.  He was a healthy scratch against the Suns the following night.

The All-Kevin Love Team

Many thought the biggest story heading into this NBA season was the 3-headed hydra Pat Riley assembled in South Beach.  Well, since "The Decision":

• They lost plenty of games.
• Home ticket sales were sluggish enough that the Heat had to tell their fans to "Fan Up."
• Chris Bosh has been exposed as the softest power forward in the league. (Somewhere, Rashard Lewis does a fist pump...)

It's time to move on to the biggest story of the year: the emergence of Kevin Love.  That's right, a white power forward playing on a bottom 3 team is the biggest story of the year, and here's why:

• Toughness: Why explain something with sentences when an analogy will do?  Kevin Love:an immovable object::Chris Bosh:angel food cake.
• He's old-school: Boxing out was a lost relic of basketball - kind of like how the mustache was a lost relic of modern male grooming - until Kevin Love (Ron Swanson) brought it back.
• He plays his position, and only his position: Remember when NBA players didn't play a one-on-one face-the-hoop style at every position?  Instead of trying to play point guard, center, and everything in-between, Kevin's focused on just the skills needed to be a beastly power forward.  The FT and 3-point percentages are just gravy.
• The numbers don't lie: Kevin Love has the highest Player Efficiency Rating (PER) in the league, and he's poised to end LeBron James' three year reign over the category.

Hmm, he kinda reminds me of another awesome power forward...

It's hard to believe that this is a player that struggled mightily for minutes under the absurd regime of Kurt Rambis.  Like the random guy in any given season of 24 that tries to keep Jack Bauer down, Rambis tried to hold Love back.  But like Agent Bauer, Love's brute force and resourcefulness got the job done anyways. With only 22 starts last year (and 60 games played total) averaging 28:30 of playing time a game, Love had 36 double-doubles.  Even to start this year, Love was averaging under 30 minutes a game until the hate mail from fans reached Kanye-West-post-"Swiftgate" levels.

Maybe if Rambis had been wearing these
 sweet spectacles again he would've seen
Love was the best player on his team.

Chart credit: Canis Hoopus

His 31 point, 31 rebound performance on November 12 was literally a once in a generation type of event for the modern NBA; the last time it happened was Moses Malone 28 years ago.  Since that game, Love has received all the minutes he deserves and should be at the top of the discussion for league MVP.

In honor of his amazing season so far, I've compiled a list of other potential breakouts - the All-Kevin Love Team, aka the Put-Me-in-the-Damn-Game Team.  These Chia Pet players are ready to break out!  Just add minutes.

Ryan Anderson - Power Forward - Orlando Magic

• Ryan is not a Kevin Love clone by any means, but the dude knows how to score.  He averages 11 points per game despite playing just 20 minutes a night, often not as the primary scorer on the floor.  His per-minute scoring average puts him ahead of such household names as Paul Pierce, Zach Randolph, and - you guessed it - Chris Bosh.  
• He won't own the boards like Love, but his per-48s have him squarely in double-digits, and that's despite playing in an outside shooting capacity with that monster of the paint known as Dwight Howard prowling the low post.  Clearly a significant improvement over the 4 rebounds a game Rashard Lewis was pulling in next to Dwight.  For shame, Rashard!  That fist pump was premature!
• With Lewis gone and Brandon Bass injured at the moment, we might get a glimpse of what Anderson is capable of.

Ian Mahinmi - Center - Dallas Mavericks

• Ian Ma-wahhh?  Ian Mahinmi.  He's an absolute beast, for better AND for worse.  Despite averaging about 6 and half minutes a game for his career, his per 36s are consistently strong: 20 ppg, 10.6 rpg, 1.7 bpg, and 78% from the line, which is quite serviceable for a man-beast.
• What's the catch?  He's basically the basketball version of Lenny from Grapes of Wrath.  His per 48 fouls is right around 9 per game.  Please officials, he just wants to play with the little people!
• You can't teach physical gifts, but I've got to think you can teach discipline.  With the proper coaching investment and minutes, Mahinmi could prove a formidable Frenchman... two words I never thought I'd use together.

J'aime le basketball!

Ersan Ilyasova - Small Forward/Power Forward - Milwaukee Bucks

• This wily Turk blipped on my fantasy radar last year as he produced a number of double-doubles for the floundering Bucks.  Much to my chagrin, however, his minutes fluctuated between 15 and 35 on a nightly basis, and he became virtually unusable.
• Don't let the random coaching decisions of Matt Walsh look-a-like Scott Skiles fool you: his production is the real deal.  Per 36 he'll give you around 9 boards a game, plus FT%, and his fouls per game have steadily declined.  Points-wise he'll give you 15, but think how much more it would be if Brandon Jennings passed the ball instead of building his own arena with all the bricks he lays on a nightly basis.  A 37.4% shooting percentage, Brandon? Go to your room!

Jared Dudley - Shooting Guard/Small Forward - Phoenix Suns

• This Boston College product gave us a glimpse of what he could do with monster back-to-back 42 minute performances following the Jason Richardson trade in which he averaged 30 points.  Unfortunately the Suns have opted to play the decaying corpse of Vince Carter until further injury.
• On a per-36 basis you're looking at 6 rebounds to go along with plus shooting percentages, but the hidden value with Dudley is steals.  Channeling his inner LiLo, he projects to 1.5 steals per 36.  

Lou Williams - Point Guard - Philadelphia 76ers

• Lou's perhaps one of the better known backup guards in the league, but he's demanding of even more of your attention.  On a per-36 basis he averages a cool 18 ppg for his career.  A quick glance at his game log and you will see numerous 20+ point performances despite limited playing time.
• His corresponding assists per-36 are a less lustrous 5 per game, but consider that he's always played second string for the 76ers.  Assists are largely a symptom of who you're passing the ball to.  Just ask The Brain how many times Pinky dropped the ball.

Congrats to all for joining the first annual All-Kevin Love Team!  You may resume riding the pine until better coaching arrives.