A Fart Is Forever - The UMass Ballers Season Revue

It's that time of year again. Time to pick up the pieces of our shattered fantasy football dreams. Time to look back and laugh at whoever drafted Ryan Mathews this time around. Time to take a deep breath, and grimace, because there's a familiar stench in the air.

That's right - in one of the most unlikely comebacks, Farts are Funny has become the first repeat champion of the UMass Ballers League. For a full review of the draft day bargains, busts, and clutch free agent grabs that led to this re-coronation, click below.

Roster Freak Out - Week 16

It's championship week, and put-up-or-shut-up time for the RFO column.

"... HELP ME."

Let's see if my merry band of misfits can upend any of the top-8 UMass Ballers.

No Laotian Ocean - Weekly Trivia!

We had a dandy of a geography question this time around, and only one had the correct answer: Laos is the landlocked Asian country.

A few more years in the Vietnam War and I'd have been a liar. All you grammarians out there can soak in that future perfect subjunctive I just laid down.

Congrats to the winner - let yourself be known to the masses in the comments.

Acolytes, you know as well as I do that it's the most wonderful time of the year. But in addition to fantasy football championships, it's also Christmas. So in the spirit of the holiday, I have some yuletide trivia for your egg nogged noggins.

Which of the following movies does NOT depict Christmas at any time?

• Citizen Kane
• Gremlins
• Star Trek: Generations
• Fargo
• Die Hard

Merry Christmas all!

Roster Freak Out - Week 15

I'm at risk of missing this weekend entirely due to moving into my new condo, but here are some quick hits (more like misses) for this week:

Can't even handle the blogging game right meow.

Brandon Squeeden - 9.66 points
Golden Terry Tate - 6.4 points
Bilal Kharmah Powell - 4.3 points
Dallas Clark Kent - 4.2 points
Jeff Cumberland Farms - 11.3 points (clutch bet on a Jet)
Darrius Heyward-We-Bey - 0 points (what?!)
Kris Bull Durham - 1.4 points
Phil Andre Dawson - 3 points
Cleveland Brown - -2 points

Not even going to bother adding it up, Cumby was the only solid grab.

Roster Freak Out - Week 14

Well, November was a solid month for the RFO, but my 4 week winning streak came to a close despite a couple very winnable scores in the UMass Ballers League.

Knocked out

This week I'm going to avoid putting my roster together piecemeal and post it early - check out the latest and not greatest.

Roster Freak Out - Week 13

Rollin', rollin', rollin', keep those free agent team dubs (W's) rollin'...

Those 2 seconds when it's just staring down its own tail... priceless.

"Abe, you're too tall, man" - Weekly Trivia!

Everything I learned about history, I learned from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and The Colbert Report. OK, and maybe just a smidgen from two years of World Civ. with Mr. Haight.

But I do know a bit about Lincoln, and in fact he is still the tallest President of all-time - a fact that's incredibly freakish when you think about how people were smaller back then. He was also the first President with a beard. Big props to Marty Van B. for some solid chops though.

Nope, the answer this week was that Lincoln was NOT weak and sickly. In fact, he was an accomplished wrestler and considered impressively strong, which might be surprising to some given his lanky frame.

Better luck to the acolytes this week. I haven't given a good geography question in a while, so here it is:

Which of the following Asian countries is landlocked?

• Laos
• Bangladesh
• Pakistan
• Syria
• Qatar

Roster Freak Out - Week 12

This week is a very special Thanksgiving Day edition of the Freak Out. I'm actually going to include the Thursday games because there's nothing more enjoyable than watching the holiday games and seeing the points pile up for TDZ's band of rejects.

Mmm... feel that tryptophan setting in...

Roster Freak Out - Week 11

Oh man - it only took me 10 weeks, but I'm finally on a winning streak. Will it continue this week?

Never too soon to showboat with full-on breakdancing

Birth Cert Don't Lie - Weekly Trivia!

I gave a list of older Celtics (and Rondo) to choose from this week - but actually, the correct answer is the only one on the list that is not a current Celtic: Rasheed Wallace.

Sheed was actually out of the league the past couple years, but the Knicks were dead set on becoming the oldest pro basketball team in the universe. He's 38 years old - second on that list was KG at 36. If you're the winner, let yourself be known to claim your bragging rights.

It seems like all I ever hear about these days is talk about Abraham Lincoln. Whether it's Doris Kearns Goodwin's new book, Team of Rivals, or DDL's Oscar-baiting performance in the newly released Lincoln, the American public is going to up their Honest Abe IQ this month. How about a pre-test though?

Which of the following is NOT true about Abraham Lincoln?

• He's the tallest U.S. president of all-time
• Suffered from depression
• Was considered weak and sickly
• Was the first U.S. president to have a beard
• His home state was Illinois
• Had a different Vice President for each of his terms
• Was watching the play "Our American Cousin" when assassinated

Have a good weekend, acolytes.

The All Big Bigs Team

Baseball has always been known as a plump man's game. Perhaps its biggest star of all-time, Babe Ruth, was infamous for his hot dog binges and plus-sized waistline, and portly players excelling in baseball isn't the exception - it's the norm. Children of America: if you want to be a great ballplayer, don't you dare think aerobics will get you anywhere. The best thing you can do is strengthen those wrists scooping out ice cream to feed a doughy frame.

In recognition of the more corpulent MLB stars, I'd like to present a sabermetric analysis of the best blubbery big league team a manager could ask for.

Roster Freak Out - Week 10

Aww yeah, look who's got the mojo now. TDZ's still got the most expert fantasy analysis and shortest memory in the pro bono blogging biz. Let's keep things rolling in Week 10.

Yup, got that swagger again. Soak it in, people.

Roster Freak Out - Week 9

TDZ has been in a terrible funk the past few weeks. Now about halfway through the season, it's time to make it up to his loyal readers.

Tickle Me Brain-o - Weekly Trivia!

We got a couple correct responses to the trivia question this week: Elmo was NOT one of the original Sesame Street cast members. Congrats to my Dad and whoever else answered correctly (probably Ryan).

The whole lovable giggler shtick is getting old, Elmo. Get edgy!

What else has been in the news lately. Hmm... I heard something to do with the weather, or candy or something - oh, now I remember, my fantasy draft was last night. Like last year, you could set a laugh track to each and every selection, but with my relentless pursuit of perfection/swindles, I'm not counting myself out yet.

One area of sneaky value: post-hype veterans...

Which of these active NBA players is the oldest of the group?

• Paul Pierce
• Rasheed Wallace
• Kevin Garnett
• Rajon Rondo
• Jason Terry

Good luck, and Happy Halloween.

Roster Freak Out - Week 8

It's Week 8, and TDZ desperately needs a W this week to validate any kind of value for this segment.

The UMass Ballers teams are mopping the floor with my picks.

Roster Freak Out - Week 7

Six teams have byes this week, which has got this Serious Cat dealing with sourdough.

Goram Reavers! - The Nephews of Jody Reed Season Revue

Another season is in the books, folks. The fantasy baseball season spans half of the calendar year, and along the way there are ups and downs, tremendous luck and dismal misfortune, periods of intense waiver wire activity and days of listless roster updating drudgery. In the end, it was my Rip City Reavers who reaped the reward.

The Reavers came to play this year.

While I'd like to think my immense baseball acumen is responsible for the championship, there is a ton of luck involved, especially when it comes to injuries, draft day duds, and free agent studs. The following is a look at some of the best draft day bargains, busts, and the All-Free Agent Team.

Roster Freak Out - Week 6

TDZ rolls into Week 6 with a solid W last week after piling up 86.52 points with the scrubs. Let's see if I can build up a winning streak, or if it's back to free agent mediocrity.

Desmond Who-Knew - Weekly Trivia!

First off, what a year by the Nationals and Orioles. It's been a great summer to live in-between Baltimore and DC, and with 100% humidity, incompetent drivers, and , that's not something one can say very often. But which player was the most valuable in producing wins among these two teams?

The answer is Ian Desmond. His WAR of 5.4 beat out Adam Jones at 4.6, and rookie sensation Bryce Harper, though not an answer choice, was actually second to Desmond at 4.9. Whatever the outcome in October, the future is bright in DC. (Source: FanGraphs)

So I guess the Presidential election has been in the news lately, what with the debates, the smear campaigns, and stump speech malarkey. Mitt's victory over Obama in the first debate has been in the news all weekend, including a divisive attack on Big Bird that has the candidate making children cry across the country. Given my love of Sesame Street from back in the day, I reminisced about all my favorite characters. Then I wondered...

Which of the following characters was NOT an original Muppet from the show's first season (in 1969)?

• Big Bird
• Kermit the Frog
• Ernie
• Oscar the Grouch
• Elmo

"H" is for "Have a great week, y'all."

Roster Freak Out - Week 5

No player is too borderline worthless for my free agent streaming purposes!

Roster Freak Out - Week 4

You know what time it is...

Third time's the charm.

Smarty Pants Minus the Pants - Weekly Trivia!

Orangutans are the second smartest primates on planet Earth, trailing only us bloggin' humans. Due to their heightened intelligence, we can only assume that they're jealous and plotting to overthrow us, whether it's via mispronunciation or biding their time to rise to power in a post apocalyptic world.

Their facial hair and double chin capabilities already rival our own.

Congrats to Nick for the correct answer!

This week, our march to fantasy baseball infamy/glory reaches its conclusion. Championship match-ups are underway, and evidently there are some teams trying to make the postseason in real life, too, although I don't see the point since we should all just accept a beltway World Series between the Nats and O's. My question this week...

Between the Nationals and the Orioles: what player has the highest WAR (Wins Above Replacement) among position players on those teams this year?

• Adam Jones
• Adam LaRoche
• Ian Desmond
• Matt Wieters
• Ryan Zimmerman

Good luck, and have a great weekend.

TDZ DangerWire(TM) Update - Week 4

There was a whole lot of fantasy commotion this week as replacement referees have taken over. When in doubt, always plug in your players who are on their home turf, like Justin Tucker, or Golden Tate.

What do you do if they're playing themselves?!

TDZ breaks down the chaos ahead of the Week 4 action.

Roster Freak Out - Week 3

I'm just dreamin'. Dreamin' of a day when rando free agents rise up in triumph for bread cats all over the world.

TDZ DangerWire(TM) Update - Week 2

It was a topsy-turvy Week 2 in the NFL: major injuries, last-second drama, broken tackles, and broken html code.

In spite of all the chaos, TDZ has digested it and is ready to shed some light on the bi-product with another round of DangerWire updates.

Roster Freak Out Time!

Who should start this week? Bread cat's freaking out! AHHHH!

Darren's Dumps - Weekly Trivia!

This week's trivia participants will be surprised to learn that it was not DeMarco Murray, but Darren Sproles who had the fewest number of rushing yards among the choices given. He ran for just 603 yards, but compiled 86 receptions for 710 more yards. Since Drew Brees just dumps the ball off to him, those plays seem like rushes even though they're not.

Y'know what I haven't talked about in a while? Monkeys. More accurately, I've been thinking about primates. A recent CNN article discussed the discovery of a new species of monkey, and after reading it and gazing upon its immensely creepy countenance, I wondered...

What is the primate with the second highest IQ to humans?

• Chimpanzee
• Orangutan
• Gorilla
• Proboscis Monkey
• Mandrill

Good luck!

Introducing TDZ's New DangerWire(TM) Updates

Fantasy sports is big business, and RotoWire is considered one of the top companies grabbing market share by the balls (and to a lesser degree, pucks). It's considered one of the top sources in the industry for up-to-the-minute fantasy-relevant information. For just $39.99, you can subscribe to the site for a year's worth of expert fantasy analysis, such as this gem I saw on their mobile app.

Thanks to RotoWire, millions, perhaps billions, of fantasy owners flocked to the waiver wire and grabbed Kirk Cousins, the new starting QB for the Washington Redskins, beating out "Dragon" Grossman and actual Redskins starter/savior, Robert Griffin III.

Inspired by RotoWire's "industry leadership," TDZ is launching its own fantasy news service on a trial basis, free of charge! Click below to see my analysis following Week 1's slate of games.

Dream Team Dominance - Weekly Trivia!

Say what you will about the television coverage, the 2012 Olympics were immensely entertaining, and the American competitors did our country proud. Even the inherently unlikeable men's basketball Flawed Squad rose to the occasion and won the gold. While head-to-head comparisons are never easy when considering temporal differences, there is quite a gap between the original Dream Team and the 2012 edition when it comes to smallest margin of victory. For the latter, it was 5 points. The former: 32 points.

Unfortunately no one picked more than 26 points as the smallest margin of victory. Oh ye of great underestimation. Better luck with this week's question, which is of course about football as I prep for multiple fantasy drafts:

Which of the following players rushed for the least number of yards last year?

• Darren Sproles
• Tim Tebow
• Shonn Greene
• DeMarco Murray
• Adrian Peterson

Good luck with the trivia and any drafts on the horizon.

TDZ's Fantasy Football Draft Primer 2K12

Contrary to what Macy's would have you believe, this is the most wonderful time of the year: fantasy football draft season. Last year I provided some expert insights on draft day bargains at most positions, including Matt Stafford's 5,000+ yard, 40+ TD season, 1,000 yards and double-digit TDs from Beanie Wells, and Bengals uber-rookie A.J. Green.

With such a track record, it would be selfish for me to hoard all my fantasy football know-how. Click below for some of the best players to target in 2012.

Young'ns - Weekly Trivia!

Well, it's been almost a month since our last trivia question, so I suppose it's about time I came back from "vacation" and resumed danger-posting.

In all that time, there was only one response, but it was the correct one: Jimmie Foxx was NOT an All-Star as a teenager. If you'll indulge my Wire lexicon: he was aight, though. Congrats to Spaldawg on the trivia dub.

The rounder your face was back then, the more home runs you hit. Exhibit B.

This week I've got to talk about the Olympics. The U.S.A. men's basketball team narrowly escaped eternal ignominy recently with a 99-94 win over Lithuania. The former eastern bloc squad exhibited a fluid offense while packing the paint defensively, keeping our shooters on the perimeter. And you know shooting from long-distance should be a last resort when most of the team can't even see the glasses they put on in the morning. Someone put their lenses back in and give them a mirror, please, they need to see how ridiculous they look.

Without further ado: what was the SMALLEST margin of victory for the original Dream Team at the 1992 Olympics?

• 5 points
• 19 points
• 26 points
• 32 points
• 45 points

Good luck, and welcome back to reading my blog.

Mamma Mia, It's Villa - Weekly Trivia!

We have another winner this week! David Villa is the all-time highest scoring player for Spain's national team. I thought this was a tricky one - Raul was "the guy" for Spain for so many years growing up that I assumed he had accrued the most, but Villa has scored at a solid 0.62 goal/game clip for la Roja.

He's got the best soul patch in soccer. Not that that's a good thing.

Congrats to this week's winner, whoever you are. Withhold your modesty and tout your winning ways in the comments.

This week, folks, you know it's got to be about the MLB All-Star break. We've got some major story-lines going into this year's game: guys getting injured and dropping out, other guys pretending to be injured and dropping out, and of course home field advantage will be decided by this exhibition no matter who's there. It will be a magical time.

My question is the following:

Which of the following players did NOT make the MLB All-Star Game as a teenager?

• Bryce Harper
• Dwight Gooden
• Bob Feller
• Jimmie Foxx

Good luck, and have a splendtasterrific week.

Tricky: The Story of R.A. Dickey

When Tim Wakefield retired, I lamented the end of an era: another knuckleballer calling it quits after a long, slightly above average career. No sooner had he retired this off-season than a new pitcher picked up the torch as the most baffling slow-tosser in the game: R.A. Dickey. A mere 37 year old king in Queens, may his reign last for decades more.

How does he do it?! I'm thinking it's the crazy eyes.

But what's the key to his success? We're not talking about your momma's knuckleballer, or even your grandmomma's or great-grandmomma's. What Dickey is doing now flies in the face of about 100 years of knuckleball tradition. For starters, he's winning on a consistent basis, and in dominating fashion.

In a special investigative segment, TDZ chases down Dickey's fluttering butterfly pitches to find out how they are so elusive. The answer just might shock you.

The Baltimore No's - Weekly Trivia!

There was only one reader intrepid enough to hazard a guess for this week's question, but it was a correct one: the Baltimore Orioles are the team that has gone the longest without pitching a no-no. If you don't believe me, just ask Sporcle.

Worst of all, Jamie Moyer will not be attempting to end that streak for the O's. He was 1-1 with a 1.69 ERA for AAA Norfolk in 3 starts, but he never got the call up, so he used his considerable star power to kindly request a release in the hopes that he would play in the bigs for another team. The power play totally worked as another AL Beast team signed him, the Toronto Blue Jays. Nobody puts Jamie in the corner!

There goes the best player in Norfolk Tides history.

For this week's trivia question, we're turning back to soccer. Spain will meet Italy in the Euro 2012 championship (go Roja) as the Azzurri knocked out Germany in a real stunner. Not exactly the tournament I predicted, but it's been awesome stuff.

Thinking about national soccer teams, my question is the following:

Which of the following players is the all-time leader in national team goals for Spain?

• Fernando Torres
• Lionel Messi
• Raul (Gonzalez)
• David Villa
• Fernando Morientes

The Danger Zone.br

TDZ is going south of the equator this week in search of top notch futebol and bossaball. Certainly there's nothing worth my time to blog about back in the States these days, so I had to take drastic measures to find content. Y'know, for the good of my readers. It's selfless, really. You're welcome.

Enjoy this fun Brazilian track and have a boa fem de semana.

Jamie Moyer: Eastbound and Down

The saga continues: Jamie Moyer's incredible career lives on with another stint on the East coast. After he got cut by the Rockies, the Baltimore Orioles quickly swooped in and signed him to a minor-league deal.

I've got to say, when he got cut, I panicked about as hard as Moyer does when there's no Advil around for the pain. I should've never doubted his staying power!

That's not an actor for the inevitable Lifetime made-for-TV movie about Moyer's career. That's Jamie Moyer.

Now remember, Acolytes: it takes a while to recover from Tommy John. It typically takes about a year on the DL, then another year of consistent play to regain strength and fine tune the mechanics to where they were. With a 49 year old body's reduced restorative powers, we're probably looking at a 3 or 4 year recovery before we see Moyer return to the ERA in the upper 4's that earned him a .500 winning percentage for the Phillies. But fear not: the renaissance is coming...

Crybaby Wade

This literally happened in a professional game of basketball.

Euro a Go-Go

It's here, Euro 2012. The six months are up. Did you work yourself into a frenzy? You slacker. Well, there's plenty to be excited about as this tournament kicks off on Friday. The big question is, who's going to win it all?

Human mascots - so unimaginative. I'd have gone with 'Splotchy the Birth Mark' in honor of Mikhail Gorbachev.

Unlike the Gold Cup, there's less of a talent gap between these teams, so selecting the winners and losers is a taller task. Nevertheless, TDZ always has the cajones to make the bold predictions his readers need to hear - then can't believe they just heard. Click below to see the galling selections.

Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy-roy-roy - Weekly Trivia!

http://www.sadtrombone.com/

Well, it looks like Martin Brodeur will not be hoisting the Stanley Cup a fourth time, but you know who did most recently? Patrick Roy. If only Brodeur had beat him in 2001, he'd be going for #5 right now. Whoever guessed correctly, make yourself known! (Probably my Dad, again.)

#1 and #4 respectively.

It seems like every few weeks, someone's throwing a no-hitter (or getting away with one). Honestly, who even cares anymore? I want to know which teams aren't throwing no-no's. Those are the kind of contrarians I want to root for. So, my question is:

Which team has gone the longest without throwing a no-hitter?

• Milwaukee Brewers
• Minnesota Twins
• Seattle Mariners
• Baltimore Orioles
• New York Mets

Good luck.

You Come at the King, You Best Not Miss - Weekly Trivia!

Andrew has never been the name of the monarch of England (post-William the Conqueror). The other tempting option was Stephen, the grandson of William (depicted below), as there was only one of him and he ruled a long time ago.

He was admittedly a difficult man to address - many avoided doing so to keep out of his uncomfortable, confusing gaze.

My Dad is on a tear right now: he got this week's answer, as well as the Yorktown one last week. Will he be toppled from his lofty TDZ trivia champion perch this week?

That depends on your knowledge of the new topic: Stanley Cup goalies. The puck drops for the finals this Wednesday, and Devils goalie Martin Brodeur will try to win his 4th Stanley Cup.

Who was the last goalie to win 4 Stanley Cups?

• Patrick Roy
• Chris Osgood
• Dominik Hasek
• Grant Fuhr
• Billy Smith

Good luck, and happy Memorial Day.

These Are the Voyages of the Starship... - Weekly Trivia!

Yorktown?! That's right: Gene Roddenberry's original script chronicled the adventures of the starship Yorktown. He named the ship after the last major battle of the Revolutionary War - an apt moniker for the birth of a society with a new ideology. Whoever guessed correctly, make yourself known!

Fun factoid for my nerds: evidently in a nod to the original name change, the Enterprise-A was actually just a recommissioned Yorktown, which explains why Kirk got a new ship so fast after the original Enterprise blew up in Star Trek III.

This week I'm away for work, so I'm going to pose a question about my destination that's hopefully challenging. The subject: English monarchs. They're sometimes mad, often silly, and I know I didn't vote for them! Nevertheless, they exist against all odds, and have for many centuries. Starting with William the Conqueror, I ask this week's question:

Which of the following has NOT been the name of a monarch of England?

• Mary
• Anne
• Stephen
• John
• Andrew

Cheerio!

The Quadri-ding-dong Club - Weekly Trivia!

It was another great week for trivia - not only was the question a tough one, but it also became highly topical, as "The Natural," Josh Hamilton, blasted four home runs against the Orioles last Tuesday. He now has 18 on the season and is batting over .400. Could we be seeing the first triple crown winner in my lifetime? With Matt Kemp doing work in the N.L., the odds are looking better than normal, but there's still a lot of baseball left to play.

Swing and a drive...

As for this week's question, Jimmie Foxx was the player who never hit four homers in a game. As a guy that's easily associated with hitting large numbers of home runs, I figured he'd be a tough one to guess. To try your knowledge further, play this Sporcle quiz and see how many of the 16 4-homer players you can name!

Lately I've been mulling a side project, and in so doing, I've been thinking about a certain sci-fi series lately. The codename for this project is "Operation Dilithium," so I'll let you put 2 and 2 together. Anyways, I came to find out something new about the series recently, and it involves the following:

What was the original name of the central starship in Gene Roddenberry's first pitch to NBC for Star Trek?

• Enterprise
• Plymouth
• Yorktown
• Independence
• Endeavor

Live long and prosper this week. Also, enjoy a bonus sci-fi related Sporcle quiz.

The Alternative Sports Bucket List

While TDZ tends to cover only the big 5 sports (that's right, I'm including soccer, and there's nothing you can do about it), there are a plethora of fringe sports that, while boring on TV, could make for an entertaining cultural immersion. I had the privilege of attending a couple lucha libre cards in Mexico, and some readers may remember the good times (or maybe unending tedium) of Aussie-rules Football and Rugby League matches. Attending these different events - witnessing their cultural relevance and experiencing the passionate atmosphere of the fans - sparked an interest in further sportsploration.

Hehe, look at Psicosis' little nino wrestle.

With that in mind, I've devised a bucket list of sporting events that I'm interested in checking off before I meet the great referee up above.

The Playoff Point Parade - Weekly Trivia!

Well, I wish there was some kind of interesting anecdote for the answer this week, but the most predictable answer was the right one: Wayne Gretzky holds the record with 47 points in a single postseason (1985). Amazingly, he amassed that total in a mere 18 games.

For the WHA!

Let's face it: if there's an NHL scoring record and you have to guess who it is, Gretzky versus the field is about a 50:50 chance. Whoever was the great one to pick The Great One, make yourself known!

This week, I've got to give a nod to Ryan Braun's home run hat trick last night. Y'know what's even more impressive? Not popping testosterone pills to do it. Hitting four home runs in one game. Only 15 players have accomplished that feat...

Which of the following players did NOT hit four home runs in one game?

• Lou Gehrig
• Jimmie Foxx
• Willie Mays
• Mike Schmidt
• Mark Whiten

Good luck, and have a hard hittin' week.

Where's the Funk?

Check out the latest logo and color scheme for the soon-to-be Brooklyn Nets. Evidently this creation is the making of Jay-Z.

I'm disappointed - the design itself isn't bad, but the color scheme makes this logo about as eye-catching as a pothole. It seems like Jay-Z is trying to make the team look more intimidating with the darker colors, but I guess he never got the memo that NBA players are not tough. Whatever happened to the team that stood for funk, the ABA team of Julius Erving? This is just further evidence that I need to be entrusted with ownership of a pro sports team more than anyone.

Monthly Simpsons Post

Credit to whoever made this.

Losing Pep

Following a stellar 4 year run with Barcelona, ex-player and soon to be ex-coach Josep "Pep" Guardiola will be stepping down as coach of the blaugrana.

During his tenure, he led Barcelona to an incredible run of 2 Champion's League titles, 3 Spanish League titles, 2 Club World Cups, 2 European Super Cups - forget even mentioning all of them, he helped the team amass an amazing 13 titles. He'll also get a coveted nod from TDZ as coaching the best club that this writer has ever seen.

Given his name, it's ironic that he says he doesn't have the same energy that he used to for the job as 4 years in the crucible of Camp Nou have worn him down. It didn't help that the team suffered a brutal stretch recently in which the team was eliminated from the Champion's League by Chelsea, and lost to league rival Real Madrid in Barcelona, all but clinching the league title for their rival.

Replacing him will likely be Tito Vilanova, his right-hand man for the past 5 years. I believe this will be the right move: promoting from within will provide tactical consistency and will serve the club well as they are designed to win in the present.

As for Guardiola, the 41 year old coach will not lack for job offers, including considerable sums allegedly thrown his way from such teams as Manchester United and the aforementioned Chelsea side.

Nephews of Jody Reed 2012 Budget Baseball Bonanza

In what will prove to be another scintillating year of fantasy baseball, NoJR is back for a second season. Following last year's rookie campaign, there were some important lessons learned, specifically that you've got to be careful spending those precious auction dollars - there are only a few decent values at the beginning of the draft, but many great values later on if you look carefully.

These flip-down shades need to make a comeback.

The NoJR draft is complete, and TDZ is ready to weigh in on who the likely bargains will be.

Baldr's Fate - Weekly Trivia!

It was a tough trivia question this week, as only one statement about Loki was slightly erroneous: Loki did not himself kill Baldr, but influenced Baldr's blind brother, Hodr, as prophesied, to kill him (not to be confused with Hodor). Long story short: there was only one thing that could harm Baldr - mistletoe - so the gods were having a laugh and throwing all manner of things at Baldr and watching them bounce off him. Loki saw that Hodr was not participating, and gave him a sharpened mistletoe branch, and guided him on where to throw. The rest is mythological history.

For this week, I've got to turn to the NHL, which is in the midst of an amazing start to the playoffs (minus the random suspensions doled out by Brendan Shanahan). My boi, Claude Giroux, has been an absolute terror thus far, compiling 14 points in only 6 games as he led Team Ginger the Flyers to a 4-2 elimination of the Penguins. Naturally, that got me to wondering:

Which player holds the NHL record for the most points in a single postseason?

• Wayne Gretzky
• Mike Bossy
• Jari Kurri
• Guy Lafleur
• Mario Lemieux

Have a great week!

The Milestone at Mile High

A special event happened last night, Acolytes: Jamie Moyer became the oldest pitcher in MLB history to win a game.

My longevity is exceeded only by the eeriness of my ancient visage.

He threw 7 strong innings, allowing only 2 unearned runs in a 5-3 victory over the San Diego Padres at Coors Field in Denver. He accomplished the feat at age 49 years, 150 days, eclipsing Jack Quinn from all the way back in 1932, who won a game at age 49 years and 70 days.

The next milestone for Moyer is to become the oldest pitcher of all-time. At the risk of ruining a perfectly good trivia question, the player holding that record is legend Satchel Paige, who signed with the Kansas City A's for a cameo and pitched 3 innings at age 59 years, 80 days. Less than a decade to go!

2012 AKL Team Member Hitting His Stride

The pantheon of All-Kevin Love team gods becomes even more storied and legendary this week with the ascension of Anthony Randolph to end-of-season roto glory. Ironically, a concussion to the very inspiration for the team has allowed Randolph to get the required minutes to beast. His average line over the past three games:

~31 minutes per game, 22 ppg, 59% fg%, 74% ft%, 8.67 rpg, 3 bpg

Oh, oh , gimme gimme gimme!

Get this headcase in your fantasy lineup before he inexplicably beefs with coach Adelman over how he's "misused" with all the extra minutes.

The No-Dice Dozens - Weekly Trivia!

I know, my absence from blogging has been Jamie-Moyer's-career long, but I'm back...

And ready to rock off your block
With a serious noggin knock
You'll be hearin' that tick tock
Noticin' that pebble in your sock
Cuz this question is a lock
To hit you like a trivia Glock
Givin' ya knowledge shell shock
You're gonna need Spock
To avoid a Danger mock

I know what you're thinking: am I going to start off every trivia post I make with a rap from now on? ... maybe.

Before I give you the new stumper, let me wrinkle your brain with the answer to the last trivia question: no #12 seed has ever beat a #1 seed. When I read that, I was quite surprised, so naturally I'm also not surprised that both respondents chose the wrong answer.

The 2001-2002 Missouri Tigers were the most successful #12 seed. Naturally, since their success was just 10 years ago, no photos exist of the team online today.

As for this week's question: I was recently duped by an erroneous piece of trivia, so I'm turning to the field of trickery for a replacement question. In particular, this question is about the Norse trickster god Loki:

Which of the following stories is NOT accurate about the Norse trickster god Loki?

• He seduced a Giant's stallion and ended up giving birth to a horse with eight legs.
• He lived in Asgard, but was not one of the Aesir.
• He was the father of Fenrir, the wolf, who would kill Odin at Ragnarok.
• He personally killed Odin's second son, Baldr, known as a god of truth and light.
• He was tied down with the intestines of one of his sons in a cave for the rest of eternity.

Good luck!

TDZ March Madness - Kirk Triumphs Yet Again

It was a wild rollercoaster in the inaugural TDZ March Madness tournament. Here's the final leaderboard:

Kirk: 45-18, 127 points

Lore: 35-28, 105 points

Scotty: 32-31, 102 points

Troi: 38-25, 72 points

Spock: 36-27, 66 points

Congratulations to Kirk (aka Matt-O), who was nearly the wire-to-wire winner, falling into second place only briefly until Kentucky took the title. As the grand prize winner, he's entitled to a free TDZ blog post of his choosing! Holy moly!!

Oh, did I win? This is just how I pose normally, I can't keep track of all the winning.

I earned a respectable but meaningless second place finish, while Scotty was the real story of the tournament, surging from the cellar to the top of the standings at warp speed in the late rounds, but Kansas ultimately let him down. Troi and Spock meanwhile had already traveled back to Betazed and Vulcan respectively.

Thanks to all who participated! Now back to your continuing missions.

TDZ March Madness Leader Board - The Final (4) Frontier

Just 3 games remain for the contenders, but already the final standings are coming into focus. Kirk is chasing TDZ immortality and just needs a Kentucky championship to clinch it, but look who's poised for a comeback: Scotty!

No, cheers to you, laddy!

Correction: This Mayan WAS Lyin'

As the editor-in-chief and sole contributor to The Danger Zone, I know my readers. And if there's one thing they demand above all when they visit my blog, it's journalistic integrity. Whether I'm discussing fat baseball players or relating everything to Star Trek, you want to know that the "news" you're getting maintains the highest standards of quality.

With that in mind, I would like to point out that the image in my January 7, 2012 post titled, in ironic defensiveness, "You Callin' Me a Lyin' Mayan? - Weekly Trivia!," is not actually a stone reflecting the Mayan calendar. It is, rather, a stone from the Mexicas civilization, called the "Stone of the Sun."

A recent trip to the Museo de Antropologia brought the necessary illumination/humility. In fact, most people who misattribute the stone say it's Aztec rather than Mayan, so I'm doubly shame-faced. Please know that this misstep will be accounted for and reflected in the next edition of ISO-9000 standards for "dudes with random blogs."