Another UMassBallers season is in the record books and I, for one, am not sad to see it go. There were many infuriating events that occurred throughout the year, from injuries to suspensions to inexplicable coaching decisions, and generally the worst football I've ever seen. However, one GM was not fazed by the season's events...
Wow, and this team was almost .500.
Forte Shades of Jay is your 2014 UMassBallers Champion! He had a conservative draft, but then floated like a leaf on the winds of week-to-week waiver wire opportunities, collecting crucial roster mainstays like Odell Beckham, Jr., Delanie Walker, and ex-Serious Cat wideout Mike Evans, who conveniently waited until departing my team before erupting for primo points on a weekly basis.
There was a lot more that happened over the course of the year, though - let's take a look back at all the highlights and hilarious bloopers, from the draft through the playoffs.
Past season champions (w/ links to season revues):
After a sterling regular season, I thought about shutting down the RFO and basking in the glow of a near century-mark performance, but if everyone else gets to have a playoffs, why not my team of ragtag ruffians?
Doge Flutie will have to wait til next year to add a trophy next to his collection of Grey Cups.
Here's how it works - we are now in crunch time. Rather than having the RFO beat any team's score, the team will instead have to beat one of the top 4 contenders, otherwise the season is over. If by some miracle I make it past this week, then I have to score higher than one of the 2 teams in the championship. Think I can do it? Me neither.
This week, the RFO is selling out - all selections will be corporate-sponsored. You thought my guys were playing for pure, inane blog glory, but they're really playing for the Man...
The RFO has started to slump in recent weeks. Interestingly enough, its record is a mirror reflection of my real fantasy team (10-3 vs 3-10), leading me to hypothesize that I need to return to abject futility. However, Serious Cat is dead now, and we all need to move on. Let Doge Flutie's whimsical side-eyed glance entertain you for the coming years, and also defeat you on the fantasy gridiron!
This week I wanted to keep the fun rolling with more themed selections, so I'm rolling with special 90's icon selections. I actually picked these players first before making the puns, so I promise you'll really enjoy how much you roll your eyes at these. And away we go...
Happy Thanksgiving to TDZ's readers! I don't have much to be thankful for from a fantasy football perspective: this week is the Basement Bowl, where Simon and I will try to escape the ridicule of being the worst team in the league. However, it's still been fun writing these columns, getting some nice wins with the RFO and embracing the whimsy of doges.
Like Halloween, I have themed picks this week in honor of Thanksgiving - enjoy these forced puns!
Time to bust out the weather reports before gameday...
Lake effect snow incoming...
Reports out of Buffalo that lake effect snow is blanketing the region, resulting in an expected 7 cumulative feet of snow on the grounds of Ralph Wilson Stadium by tomorrow.
With the need to move an estimated 220,000 tons of snow by game-time, the Bills are offering $10/hour and game tickets for those who come and help shovel the snow. Sounds like a good deal - go outdoors, get some exercise and compensation, but they lost me with the game tickets. Watching the Bills play the Jets live? Yeahhh, I've got plans I need to make, sorry.
Oh my goodness, I'd chronicle another successful week for the RFO, except I had the less likely occasion to celebrate a win by my actual fantasy team. Doge Flutie rulz!
Do you believe in miracles?!
It was a magical evening for Kelvin Benjamin, who was terrible all game and rewarded thusly with 2 garbage time TDs. Garbage time is the dimension in which Doge Flutie lives! 11th place, WOOOO!
Alright, I've settled down again, let's get to the RFO.
Well it was a pretty solid run for the RFO, but sadly I couldn't even match Simon's sub-70 score in Week 8. Had I picked Ben Roethlisberger, I would've easily remained undefeated, but I thought Indy's secondary was supposed to be decent this year. Yahoo's color-coded defensive ratings and projected points are the most annoying developments in recent years - I was better when I did my own research instead of being lazy and relying on theirs.
This week is the Halloween edition of the Freak Out, which means I picked these players almost entirely based on whether I could create puns out of their names. Let's hope they strike fantasy ghould!!!
The RFO lucked out last week with an embarrassing performance out of Serious Cat. Special thanks to Heath Miller for doing almost nothing.
When your product stinks, re-brand!
In a surprising twist, the RFO is still undefeated. I believe that's a testament to how awful this NFL season has been where few players are reliable anymore and individual performance pinballs around chaotically. This season has been so annoying that I can't believe we're only just now reaching the halfway point. Let's see if I can stay undefeated through Week 8...
Joe Flacco aired it out last Sunday to propel the RFO to an easy win, but no one picked him up off of free agency this week. Should I go back to the well when he faces a suspect Falcons D?
I've never been a fan, but he does throw a good deep ball.
I like the match-up, but the Falcons seem even worse against the run, so without further ado, here are this week's picks.
It's been a remarkable run for the RFO with 4 consecutive victories. Not even immediate post-game cut Alex Henery could bring down the scrub squad last week when he shanked 3 high value FGs.
He's directly responsible for last week's loss and countless lolz.
I doubt I can keep this up much longer, but this is all I've got to look forward to on Sundays with my fantasy team is firmly entrenched in the cellar....
Three weeks, three glorious wins. At some point I'm going to put up a sub-40 pt clunker, but until then I'm basically Matthew Berry meets Nostradamus meets the Oracle at Delphi.
Putting Delphi on the travel bucket list.
Last week I had the distinct displeasure of beating my own fantasy team, but hopefully I can pick on someone else this week. Here's the lineup...
With a sensational playoff run through the top teams in the league, the Saratoga Oldtimers are your 2014 NoJR champions! 'Toga snagged the 6th seed to enter the playoffs, and proceeded to take out the #3, #2, and #1 seeded teams, earning every bit of that sweet, Jody Reed-licious postseason glory.
The Oldtimers claim a victory rivaled in splendor only by the decisive triumph of America in their hometown 237 years ago.
The victory ends a two-year reign of terror by the Rip City Reavers, and there were many more story lines as the season unfolded. Let's take a look back at a competitive and memorable year.
Admittedly, I had some help last week thanks to an abysmal performance from Deals and Steals. With bye weeks in effect now, it'll be tougher to beat anyone, but hopefully the picks below will keep the streak alive.
First though, a Serious word on my waiver claim for DeAngelo Williams. Did I overpay? Yeah, by a lot evidently. Anything more than a $0 claim was overpaying for him - I seriously misjudged the market for him. You may still be wondering: 'why did you think he was ever worth $41 in the first place?'
BELIEVE
Here's the deal: remember the market for Donald Brown? He went for $38, beating out a matching bid of $38 and several other bids in the double-digits. I get why: he was the lead back ahead of a then-healthy Danny Woodhead for probably the next 4 weeks.
Now let's compare with DeAngelo. The RBs who would compete for touches with him are both injured: Jonathan Stewart reportedly for about a month, and Mike Tolbert until Week 13. My understanding is Cam Newton's ribs are all busted and he's not as likely to rush at the goal-line. That leaves a lot of workload for DeAngelo.
Sure, he has had injury issues in recent years, but he was once an elite RB when he was a workhorse back several years ago, and certainly a more proven player than Donald Brown. So I see a bid of $38 for Brown and think 'I should probably bid a bit higher to get him.' Little did I know that no one had the same thinking. My brain was basically Frank the Tank streaking across the quad, not realizing it was the only one who made the mental journey.
Aaaaaaanyways, with that explanation aside, here are this week's picks!
I wish I could take credit for a thrilling victory in Week 2, but in reality I've got to acknowledge the tremendous amount of luck I had. Who would have figured Stevan Ridley would reprise his old role as a workhorse back and carry 25 times, or that Josh McCown would rush for 2 TDs. I actually had high expectations for Mohamed Sanu, but A.J. Green's injury gave him a huge boost, too. Hopefully all this luck doesn't evaporate!
Dwayne Bowe, what are you even doing ever...
Unfortunately, most of those big performers are now ineligible due to recent waiver wire activity, but I've got a whole new crop of diamonds in the rough for Week 3...
Now that the season is fully underway, I wanted to resurrect a fun column called the "Roster Freak Out."
The premise is simple and very similar to your typical "walking into 10th grade chemistry class with no clothes on" dream: imagine you have a fantasy team with zero players, and you've got to build a team solely using players available in free agency. Who do you pick week-to-week?
What can Sanu do for you? Probably not much...
The goal is to actually build a team that beats at least one of our UMassBallers teams. If you accomplish that feat, we call it a win. If not, it's a loss.
Surprisingly, I was able to get more than a couple wins last year, and I'm terrible at fantasy football. Without further ado, here are my picks from the runts of the litter...
The UMassBallers are back in action having completed a thrilling draft with 100% participation, a new 100 dollar buy-in, and 100's of virtual dollars wasted on future injuries and busts. Let us lay bare the shocking horror of a draft fleetingly gone by over a mere two and a half hours...
That moment you look at your roster after a draft and go "what the hell am I even looking at?"
For a synopsis of last year's edition of the UMassBallers, including all of the 20/20 hindsight you can handle looking back at that year's draft and trades, click here. Did we learn anything from last year? Read on to find out.
I came across this photo gallery of the facilities from the 2004 Olympic games in Athens, and it's disturbing how abandoned the venues look only 10 years later.
Greece spent an estimated $11 billion to build the facilities, most of which have not been used since the conclusion of the games. Now, it's hard for most countries to justify hosting the games, given the nearly certain negative return on investment.
It feels like the first half of the season has really flown by this year as the Nephews of Jody Reed have reached a brief respite in competition with the mid-summer classic. There have already been some game-changing injuries, trades, and free agent grabs in the early months that have helped separate teams from the pack, but there is plenty of time to make up ground and capture a playoff spot. Same for the real life teams!
Finally, the Jody Reed highlight reel I've always wanted! I'd make a Red Sox version if I had the footage to make it.
Without further ado, TDZ updates its power rankings and takes a look at the keys to success in the remaining months.
TDZ would like you to participate in a World Cup pick 'em game for internet bragging rights. The tournament kicks off on Thursday, so submit your picks sooner rather than later!
I haven't been posting much, but every once in a while an important news story comes along and hits me in the face with a herring, and I've got to do my duty and report it to the people. So, what am I talking about?
Instead of using the concise symbol "L" for 50, the NFL thinks it's drawn up a W with it's new logo using Arabic numerals. Did they make the right decision? You be the judge.
I gotta tip my cap to the NFL's brand and creative team, which has been developing this logo since April 2013 according to the article. Given the winning logo here, that's got to be the cushiest job in world history.
We're one week into the season and I can already tell it's going to be a tightly contested season. Eight out of twelve teams are hovering around .500 as competitive balance appears to be alive and well in NoJR, but the season will surely have some twists and turns as new stars emerge and draft day studs turn into duds.
What better time, then, to look upon the draft and engage in wild conjecture about the months to come. TDZ has returned from the draft day mines with tales of who struck gold and who caught the black lung.
A fire is lit. Like the beacons of Gondor, it sets in motion a chain reaction, signalling across the lands that it is time, once again.
You feel it building. A powerful groundswell sending shock-waves that ripple from your toes to your temple. Electronic, supersonic, a bit ironic, and admittedly, histrionic - it is time for the Nephews of Jody Reed to assemble!
Welcome to the 4th year of the league. This promises to be one of the most enjoyable and active years yet, and I look forward to playing with you guys. In the following blog post, I'll give you some of the background on the league in FAQ format.
