2017 UMassBallers Season Revue - Fur a Meowment Like This

Well, it was a rough year in football with lots of injuries, political drama, and replay controversy, but above all, it was technically a season of pro football. And with that season, the UMassBallers played a virtual game of points based on player statistics where, each week, the team with more points versus its competitor would be credited with a win, until finally, in Week 16, we would have a champion. The name of that champion? Smackycat!

Smackycat was one of two elite teams in UMassBallers this year along with Bear Down, who scored well above 100 points per week, but in the end, smackycat brought home the trophy with a better performance in Week 16. The only other team that scored a decent amount of points was the defending champion Chicago Ferrets, but let's be real, they used up all their good luck last year.

Our feline overlord wasn't the only interesting storyline from the fantasy season though - click below to take a look at all the hindsight analysis of the draft, recaps of game-changing transactions, and other rando happenings in TDZ's annual UMassBallers season synopsis!

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 14 (Playoffs Rd 1)

The RFO is certainly stumbling into the playoffs and team confidence is at an all-time low. After a sub-50pt performance in Week 13, the team needs to make some drastic changes.

Wondering where all the good selections have gone...

Since this is a playoff week, my task becomes even more daunting - I have to outscore one of the 4 playoff teams playing this week to move on to Round 2. Considering I've never gotten past Round 1, my odds of success are about 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000.

via GIPHY

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 13

Well, it was a rough Week 12 for the RFO, and I think we all know who to blame: massively overpaid QB Joe Flacco.

But in Week 13, may the RFO rise like a phoenix from the ashes of Joe Flacco's ineptitude. May it stand tall against the performances of much better rosters and emerge triumphant!

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 12

UMassBallers, I can't even keep track of all the wins for the RFO in recent weeks - deserved or not. I'm gonna guess that I'm 7-4 because I seem to remember the RFO had the same record as Doge Flutie. Excuse me, playoff-bound Doge Flutie.

Real-time depiction of Doge's fantasy football effort.

If there's one thing I learned from this season, it's to not even try in fantasy football, because it's all random. Life's too short to scour the waiver wires and make terrible trade proposals when you could be sitting back enjoying belly rubs.

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 11

Oh man, remember when I scored 92 points last week? So good.

So I watched Season 2 of Stranger Things, and I realized just now that it's basically an elaborate allegory for how fantasy football is the Upside-Down of regular football. On the surface, you have these real people playing their hearts out, making the most of their talents and work. But underneath is a shadowy realm of betting that leeches off of the real game, and we're all a bunch of demogorgons feeding off of the events and misfortunes of the people playing the real game. And let's face it, for the vast majority of us, but especially Doge, fantasy football really is an Upside-Down hellscape.

Not sure how this fan's Melvingordon fits in...

Welp, I guess I solved the show - oops, spoiler alert.

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 10

The RFO struts into Week 10 with an above .500 record, just like Doge Flutie, which is on pace to secure the #2 seed and a bye. What incredible, talented teams, just barely edging out the competition, week after every other week.

Hang 10 in Week 10.

Let's see if I can keep the good times rolling.

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 9

A great win for the RFO last week, overcoming many teams on bye and somehow only selecting people whose names would work for Halloween puns. It's incredible how I'm 4-4 despite minimal effort because I'm bending over backwards to handle things at work.

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 8

It was a loss last week for the RFO, but I can't be too sad about it when fall is finally in the air, a new season of Stranger Things is released, and Halloween is around the corner.

Lots of teams on bye this week, so this could get ugly.

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 7

 The 3-3 RFO has a bit of swagger as it saunters into Week 7 having just put up close to 90 points. I wish Doge Flutie could generate that kind of production....

Fantasy glory is always just a bit out of reach for the Doge.

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 6

I lost in embarrassing fashion, and I'm gonna blame Davante Adams for somehow recovering from that brutal helmet-to-helmet hit and keeping Geronimooooo off the field.

The only thing that might save me now is that the top 6 teams make the playoffs, meaning that I might sneak in with a losing record...

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 5

QB: Jabroni Brissett - Seems to love playing at home; maybe he can stir up a dumb QB controversy with Luck returning soon.
WR: Donte Mond-grief - Doubling down on Dolts this week. That's a bold move, Cotton, let's see how it works out for him.
RB: Elijah McFlyer - His ypc looks real good.
TE: Boston Pastafarian-Jenkins - McCown loves throwing to TEs.
W/T: Benjamin Squatson - Raiders secondary isn't "Patriots bad," but they're bad.
W/R: GERONIMOOOOO - This time it's for real.
W/R: JuJy Fruit-Poopster - More celebrations from this guy plz.
K: Aldrick Noses - Due for a bigger game.
DEF: Oakland Nadirs - I think they'll finally get an INT against Flacco.

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 4

Alright, this year of football was really not interesting me at all - until last weekend when there were so many games decided in the final seconds.

Oh how sweet it is!

So I'm back and picking the best of the worst for another week. Time to dig out from this 1-2 hole.

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 2

Had a busy weekend and didn't have time to write an article, meaning it's an all-MNF RFO! WOOOO!

2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 1

"Fantasy football is a nightmare at the intersection of man's hubris and the horrors of a reality over which he exerts no control...

- Werner Herzog"

- Darren Bishop

Evidence that Herzog is a Bears fan.

Under the pall of this disturbing omen... we embark on another season of UMassBallers!

Speaking of nightmares, imagine you didn't show up for the fantasy draft, and auto-draft wasn't even working, leaving you with a completely empty roster to start the year. Who are you gonna pick up to play each week?

That's the premise of my weekly Roster Freak Out series, which is back once again for 2017. If my team of misfits outscores any of the UMassBallers, I score that as a W. If not, it's a L.

We'll have to find out whether a 10-team league improves or worsens the RFO. Without further ado, here are the selections for Week 1...

NoJR 2017 - Mid-season Round-up

Nephews, we are officially at the halfway point of the season, and what a season it's been. Sure, some things haven't been surprising at all, but then you see things like the Brewers in 1st place, Mike Trout on the DL, and Aaron Judge vying for a Triple Crown and just shake your head with a smirk.

Gaze upon young blood Jody Reed.

So while I've been busy with work and somewhat derelict in my duties as league scribe, I wanted to take a look at the fantasy year so far, including the biggest studs, duds, and NoJR mid-year power rankings.

Nephews of Jody Reed - Season VII Roll-Out

Do you feel it? The weather's getting warmer. The sun is up longer. Bartolo Colon has emerged from his hibernation slumber. It's time for baseball. It's time for... the Nephews of Jody Reed!

It's called packing on the pounds for winter, guys. He just had a head start.

Welcome one and all to the 7th year of NoJR. It looks like we've got a great group of active GMs returning, and we're adding a couple new friends to the fold, so 2017 is shaping up to be a fun year of baseball.

Below are some FAQs about the league that I copypasta'd from prior seasons - take a look if you want the 4-1-1 on all things NoJR.

Comeback in the Cards with the Cards for Bard?

A year ago, TDZ chronicled the rise and fall of former elite Red Sox reliever Daniel Bard, who endured an incredibly rough time trying to get back into the Bigs after he lost command of his pitches. He was all but counted out.

Daniel Bard's new delivery with 96 mph gas as he preps for spring training in Cardinals system https://t.co/yIw5dvkwor #Cardinals pic.twitter.com/Qq0j1DGVfZ

— Gammons Daily (@GammonsDaily) February 24, 2017

Despite the many setbacks to his career, Bard has reemerged in the news and is getting a shot with the St. Louis Cardinals. A recent Yahoo! Sports article offers some glimpses of hope for Bard, who is showing the same hallmark velocity that made him so dangerous early in his career. If he doesn't regain his command, though, then we'll see some of the wildness that made him so "dangerous" late in his career.

While the video only shows a sample size of 3, it looks like he's releasing the ball from a lower arm slot with intriguing side-to-side movement. Hopefully this is a step in the right direction and he makes a good impression in Spring Training to earn a spot with the Cards.