A Fart Is Forever - The UMass Ballers Season Revue

It's that time of year again. Time to pick up the pieces of our shattered fantasy football dreams. Time to look back and laugh at whoever drafted Ryan Mathews this time around. Time to take a deep breath, and grimace, because there's a familiar stench in the air.

That's right - in one of the most unlikely comebacks, Farts are Funny has become the first repeat champion of the UMass Ballers League. For a full review of the draft day bargains, busts, and clutch free agent grabs that led to this re-coronation, click below.

The Rundown

Like last year, below is a simple calculation of drafted player points (Weeks 1-16) per dollars spent ($200). Look at the two teams atop the leaderboard.

Farts are Funny - 10.5083 *league champion*

Chicago Ferrets - 10.1016
Nickel Blitz - 9.9625

California Love - 9.7033
PK2K - 9.5893
Serious Cat - 9.4721
Ditka vs God - 8.8967
Deals and Steals - 8.5122
mangenius - 8.2865

HERE COMES THE BOOM - 7.8679
Get Gronk'd - 7.8268

The Others - 7.4162

Obviously the draft doesn't tell the whole story, but it certainly helped Farts and Ferrets to have a healthy start. Several blockbuster deals along the way also changed the fortunes of some teams:

• August 24 - Serious Cat sends Miles Austin, Jermaine Gresham, and Donald Brown to Deals and Steals for Aaron Hernandez, Torrey Smith, and Michael Bush
• Before the season even got rolling, there was some wheeling and dealing between division rivals. Serious Cat shipped players worth 288 points, while Deals sent 286.6 points the other way, so it turned out to be very even despite an injury to Hernandez. And they say all I do is swindle...
• SC later sent Michael Bush to mangenius for Philip Rivers, who made one start for me but played reasonably well overall.
• October 3 - Farts are Funny sends Calvin Johnson and Brandon Pettigrew to PK2K for Larry Fitzgerald
• You'd think Farts would be living in the cellar after this fleecing, but fortunately his premier RBs (Peterson and Lynch) and awful division kept him playoff-eligible. Farts sent 280.8 points and received just 102.5.
• October 4 - mangenius sends Robert Griffin III, Greg Olsen, Jerome Simpson, and Rashard Mendenhall to the Chicago Ferrets for Philip Rivers, Jimmy Graham, Antonio Brown, and Nate Washington
• In the most massive UMass Ballers trade I can remember, two division leaders swap 8 players. RG3 and Graham look like the centerpieces of the deal, with Rivers and Olsen as replacements and the other players as risk-reward grabs for the Ferrets. Ultimately, the Ferrets received 446.1 points and sent back 512.2 points, though Brown and Washington played better at the beginning of the year before they were traded.
• October 13 - Farts are Funny sends Cam Newton and Larry Fitzgerald to The Others for Julio Jones
• It was way overkill to send Newton with Fitz, but at least he got rid of the latter when the QB situation in AZ reached its nadir, and Newton was definitely scuffling for most of the year. Luck smiled upon Farts, though, when he picked up Russell Wilson for the stretch run. 407.64 points sent, 177.2 received.

I was traded in the middle of a record-setting year...

While some teams were augmented via trade, many used their FA dollars for primo points. Others did not...

Most Hilariously Wasteful FA Bids:

• Deals and Steals: Ronnie Hillman for $31
• Just when you figured the rook would get some playing time, Knowshon Moreno comes out of the woodwork and plays great down the stretch.
• HERE COMES THE BOOM: Mark Ingram for $20
• Before the season began, 20% of HCTB's FA budget was gone for the light-scoring former Heisman winner.
• Chicago Ferrets: Baltimore DEF for $11
• Not as hilarious as the others, but scored a mere 7 points against the Browns the following week as the Ravens D is not what it used to be.

Biggest FA Bid Steals:

• Chicago Ferrets: Knowshon Moreno for $31
• What's especially hilarious is that Deals and Steals had exactly $31 to spend on Moreno the following week, but decided not to.
• Serious Cat: Andre Brown for $8
• Snagged him just in time for a 25 point performance that won me Week 3. Unfortunately he was not worth even more after Bradshaw came back and he landed on IR.
• Nickel Blitz: Alfred Morris for $42
• Looking back on Alfie's year, this was $42 well spent. Most of us would gladly spend $42 in FA auction for an RB1, and Nickel Blitz's gamble actually paid off, despite spending $30 more than the next highest bid.

From 4th on the depth chart to fantasy stud.

All-Bargain Team

Check out these crafty/lucky draft day bargains.

QB: Robert Griffin III - mangenius - $4

In hindsight, I'm surprised more people weren't interested in RG3. If Cam Newton was any indication last year, high pedigree running rookie QBs can make major waves in fantasy. On a per game basis, RG3 was the 3rd highest producing QB in the league, following only Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers. Reaping the rewards was mangenius, until trading him to the Ferrets.

Honorable mentions: Andy Dalton - HERE COMES THE BOOM - $1; Andrew Luck - Serious Cat - $2

WR: James Jones - Farts are Funny - $1

13 receiving TDs for a dollar? Yes, please. Who would've bet on both Greg Jennings and Jordy Nelson missing significant time, and Jermichael Finley being even worse than last year?

Honorable mentions: Michael Crabtree - Get Gronk'd - $2; Dez Bryant - Deals and Steals - $20

RB: C.J. Spiller - California Love - $2

Spiller burst onto the scene in Week 1 and hardly looked back, even while in a time-share with Fred Jackson. With the latter missing multiple weeks due to injuries, Spillsie became a must-own RB1 caliber back. There's a decent case to be made for Adrian Peterson - getting the best RB in the game for $37 is a steal, but enough accolades for Farts, agreed? Same goes for the Ferrets getting fantasy revelation Doug Martin for $21.

Honorable mentions: Mikel Leshoure - Farts are Funny - $1; Stevan Ridley - Serious Cat - $8

TE: Tony Gonzalez - PK2K - $6

No major steals at this position, such as Gronk or Jimmy Graham in past years. Nope, in the end it was Old Faithful, still chugging away and putting up points for his owners. Surprisingly, Tony accrued more points than any other TE this year. There's something to be said for players like him, that don't get injured and are ultra-reliable: they're worth six bucks.

Honorable mentions: Greg Olsen - Chicago Ferrets - $2; Owen Daniels - California Love - $5

All-Bust Team

There are surely some LOLs to be had in the list below, but it's just a shame sometimes to see how unlucky certain teams were. In particular, I must lament the awful luck of The Others. Three of his players going on IR was rough, but then factor in that a bunch of other players missed significant time (Run DMC, Mendenhall, Garcon, Jonathan Stewart) and you're looking at half of his draft being trash. So just remember: your draft was horrible, but it could've been worse. 

QB: Matthew Stafford - mangenius - $40

Stafford showed up on the bargain team last year, but the pendulum swung a bit too far as he wasn't able to replicate last year's monster campaign. The yardage is definitely there, but just 17 TDs (not a typo) versus 16 INTs won't cut it when you're spending elite QB dollars at auction.

Honorable mentions: Michael Vick - Serious Cat - $14; Eli Manning - Ditka vs God - $16

WR: Larry Fitzgerald - PK2K - $42

O, how we wish for the days of Kurt Warner slingin' the rock in the desert. Arizona is officially on its 4th different starting QB at this point, and the real victims are not Cardinals fans, but Fitzgerald owners. Thanks to the utter ineptitude surrounding him, he's the 40th ranked WR in the virtual game. Certainly not what you bargained for when you drop WR1-type dollars on draft day.

Honorable mentions: Greg Jennings - Deals and Steals - $28; DeSean Jackson - Deals and Steals - $31

"I need more balls."

RB: Darren McFadden - The Others - $46

There were many busts this year at RB, including MJD landing on IR, Roy Helu getting passed over for Alfred Morris, and the annual Ryan Mathews Regret Tour, but none was quite as irritating as Stall DMC. Sure, he missed 3 weeks (as usual), but without the running system of Tom Cable, his effectiveness plummeted. At the end of our fantasy year, he was only able to accumulate 650 rushing yards and 3 total TDs - a travesty for a guy who was expected to be RB1 material, and without the excuse of IR. If you picked up Danny Woodhead (a guy who plays almost exclusively in passing situations and shared time with 3 other backs) off of free agency and started him every week, he would've given you more points than McFadden. Awful.

Honorable mentions: Maurice Jones-Drew - Get Gronk'd - $41; Ryan Mathews - mangenius - $41; Roy Helu - Deals and Steals - $20

TE: Jermichael Finley - HERE COMES THE BOOM - $20

Obviously Gronk and Graham didn't live up to their draft day expenditures due to injuries, but Finley has no excuse. He plays in a high yield passing offense with multiple injuries to other top targets, but mustered a mere 2 TDs this year. There were 7 TEs who outscored him that went undrafted.

Honorable mentions: Jimmy Graham - Chicago Ferrets - $38; Rob Gronkowski - Get Gronk'd - $40

All-Free Agent Team

Once again, there were plenty of game-changers leftover once the draft day dust settled.

Oh ho, man, the Chiefs have made my belly hurt all year long. Also, Wilson's really good, even against real teams.

QB - Russell Wilson - Operating under the radar for most of the year, Wilson's season has reached a crescendo in recent weeks as the Seahawks are burying opponents. More importantly, his play down the stretch locked up the championship for Farts.

WR - Randall Cobb - I'm pretty sure I had him and dropped him in multiple leagues early on, and now I'm just mad at myself. He really came on strong with Jennings and Jordy going down with injuries. 5th in YAC for WR shows how dangerous he is with the ball in his hands.

RB - Alfred Morris - I've already sung his praises, but over 1,400 rushing yards and 10 TDs in 15 games through our fantasy year = RB1 numbers. It looks like Lucifer Shanahan has finally settled on his running back for the foreseeable future.

TE - Heath Miller - The #4 ranked TE in the fantasy game this year, he had a solid season with over 800 yards and 8 TDs amidst a weak year in terms of TE production.

W/T - Cecil Shorts - His ridiculous speed helped make the Jaguars passing game fantasy relevant, and he scored in double-digits in 9 of the 14 weeks he played.

Cecil Shorts is that good.

W/R - T.Y. Hilton - Occasional home run hitter should have a bright future ahead of him with Andrew Luck under center; could also have some sneaky return points if he stays in that role. 750 yards and 6 TDs plus 1 return TD this year.

W/R - Knowshon Moreno - Foregoing some other options with higher total points for Moreno, who was a stud in terms of points per game, including when it mattered most. Averaged 14.68 points per game since taking over for Willis McGahee.

K - Blair Walsh - Second to Gostkowski in terms of total points for kickers for the good - but not PAT good - Minnesota Vikings.

DEF - Denver - I was intrigued to see them go undrafted after carrying Tim Tebow over the final several weeks of last year, so it shouldn't be a shock to see them as the #3 scoring defense this year. It's even less shocking when you consider that they played the Chargers, Raiders, and Chiefs 6x this year.

That's it for this year! I look forward to losing more money in next year's installment of the UMass Ballers League.