The UMass Ballers Draft Day Review

Y'know, it takes a lot of guts, doing what I do. It's one thing to deal with the ignominy of virtual defeat, but it's a whole other thing to dissect it in painstaking detail, revealing the horrifying failures of my good intentions that instead paved the way to fantasy hell.

You did this. How could you do this.

For others, the draft was not such a bleak event, so let's celebrate the triumphs as well as the hilarious poor decisions that shaped the 4th annual UMass Ballers league.


The Rundown

Below is a simple calculation of drafted player points (Weeks 1-16) per dollars spent ($200). The results may surprise; last year, all of the top 4 teams were also in the top 4 for draft performance, but that was not the case this year.

PK2K - 10.1781
Farts are Funny - 9.9222 *league champion*
Nickel Blitz - 9.7476
Deals and Steals - 9.4061
Sombrero Sunglasses - 9.3708
High Five - 8.9183
Straight Cash Homie - 8.8206
The Brouhaha - 8.7615
UCanHaveHaynesworth - 8.6664
mangenius - 8.3138
Chicago Ferrets - 7.7158
Oh Baalls (formerly Great Expectations) - 7.6409

Although PK2K had the best draft as measured here, the team finished with a 5-9 record. Part of the explanation for his draft performance was the selection of not only 2 QBs, but 2 defenses as well, each of which typically earn higher point totals. Depth for these positions don't contribute much at all to weekly head-to-head scoring, and therefore don't necessarily translate to wins.

To think, Mark Sanchez helped somebody win something!

As shown by the italics, the top 4 teams span from the "top" draft teams to the worst. I would argue that the best drafts aren't necessarily about depth, but about having just a few consistently elite players. The playoff teams were the only ones with 2 top-10 players, with the exception of mangenius, who had one beastly, beastly tight end.

Farts are Funny: Drew Brees (3), Ray Rice (7)
Chicago Ferrets: Cam Newton (2, FA), LeSean McCoy (5), Calvin Johnson (11)
Sombrero Sunglasses: Arian Foster (8), Maurice Jones-Drew (9)
mangenius: Rob Gronkowski (10), Tony Romo (14)


All Bargain Team, presented by Taco Bell

Prepare to be wowed by these 99-cent-beefy-five-layer-burrito ballers.

It's value in a doughy cylinder.

QB: Matt Stafford - UCanHaveHaynesworth - $9
Fans have always wondered what a full season of Matt Stafford would be like, and they finally found out: he's a top 5 fantasy QB. I knew all along he'd be a beast, but how could I resist the uneven play of Eli Manning for $10?
Honorable mention: Ryan Fitzpatrick - High Five - $1

WR: Jordy Nelson - Nickel Blitz - $2
This is what happens when a capable receiver meets an awesome QB: elite point yields. It doesn't hurt that he's a great open field runner to grab those precious YAC. It seemed like every other week I saw him knifing through a secondary on a slant and hitting pay dirt. Mr. LaForge Nelson finished the season tied for 3rd in WR points with Victor Cruz. Another player in the top-5 at his position at a bargain price.
Honorable mention: A.J. Green - Deals and Steals - $2

RB: Marshawn Lynch - Nickel Blitz - $12
LeGarrette Blount's exploits may have been touted the most by this blog, but Lynch was easily one of the most entertaining players this year. Even the San Francisco 49ers, who hadn't allowed a rushing TD all year, had to concede one to the man called Beast. Watch the above highlight reel and tell me to my face you're not impressed. I dare you!
Honorable mention: Darren Sproles - Sombrero Sunglasses - $1

TE: Rob Gronkowski - mangenius - $6
Hindsight is 20-20, but it's rather amazing that this guy didn't go for more money in a league comprised mostly of New Englanders. I think the reason is that many saw last year's TD total and didn't think he could replicate it. On the other hand, Tom Brady is a fairly consistent passer, and, porn star distractions aside, it wasn't an expectation that Gronk was going to regress. Well, 16 TDs later, he's the #1 TE in fantasy by a nice margin, and mangenius looked like some kind of genius man as he rolled into the playoffs.
Honorable mention: Aaron Hernandez - High Five - $3


All Bust Team, presented by the United States Congress

Prepare to be indignant at the mere mention of these inept and absent players that have betrayed the votes of confidence of millions.

It's despair in an ivory tower.

QB: Peyton Manning - Straight Cash Homie - $22
Just to give you a sense of the cachet Manning's name has in fantasy football, the remote possibility of him playing a few games at some point following neck fusion surgery justifies the expenditure of 11% of one's draft budget.
Honorable mention: Michael Vick - Sombrero Sunglasses - $46

WR: Andre Johnson - Farts are Funny - $43
A mainstay atop the highest drafted wide receivers, Johnson missed more than half the season due to injury. His 471 yards and 2 TDs are career lows.
Honorable mention: Chad Ochocinco - The Brouhaha - $17

Derp.

RB: Jamaal Charles - Oh Baalls - $50
It's not a real draft unless a quarter of my budget goes to waste, and Charles did the honors this year by falling to injury in Week 2. Great Expectations dashed again! After I lost him I became a free agent RB junkie, bouncing from one speculative add to the next, just looking for a quick fix. Charles was also the second most expensive player in the draft after Adrian Peterson at $51.
Honorable mention: Peyton Hillis - Deals and Steals - $31

TE: Dallas Clark - The Brouhaha - $15
Clark was hurting figuratively in the stat columns due to Manning's absence, and then literally as he had to deal with injuries. But the biggest kick in the nuts for The Brouhaha was her auto-drafting of 3 other tight ends, only one of which played better than his preseason ranking (the barely startable Dustin Keller). It was hard to think of this team as anything more than The Haha once the auto-draft did its damage.
Honorable mention: Antonio Gates - mangenius - $28


All Free Agent Team

QB - Cam Newton - The rookie made a huge impact on the fantasy world, becoming an undrafted top 3 fantasy QB. His TD/INT ratio isn't elite, but his yardage and rushing stats definitely are. Highlights here.

WR - Victor Cruz - Supplanted BOTH of the Giants receivers I drafted to be Eli Manning's most dangerous wideout. By the way: HE WENT TO UMASS.

RB - DeMarco Murray - The former Boomer Sooner was a beast when Felix Jones got injured, exploding in Week 7 for a Cowboys rushing record, but then succumbed to injury himself as a broken ankle ended his season.

TE - Brent Celek - Well, someone had to make some catches with DeSean Jackson letting everyone down.

W/T - Nate Washington - Sometimes all you need for fantasy relevance is a season-ending injury to a teammate who's actually fantasy relevant.

W/R - Laurent Robinson - Similar to Washington, an injury to Miles Austin increased Robinson's workload, plus his escape from St. Louis didn't hurt.

W/R - Torrey Smith - Welcome to the NFL's newest deep threat. He may become for Baltimore what Mike Wallace became for Pittsburgh as he added more intermediate and short routes as the season progressed.

K - John Kasay - The veteran lefty filled in capably for the injured Garrett Hartley and reaped the benefits of New Orleans' high octane offense.

DEF - Seattle - Interestingly, Seattle's defense isn't actually that overpowering (111.1 rushing yards and 217.4 passing yards allowed per game), but they managed to keep points off the board and forced plenty of turnovers while scoring 4 defensive TDs. If anything, the points allowed were probably from Tarvaris Jackson interception returns.

In honor of Farts are Funny's championship, I'd like to give him this tupperware. All I'll say about it is open and inhale deeply. *snickers*

Best of luck to all next time, and many happy returns to the UMass Ballers league!