Roster Freak Out: Week 13

Happy Thanksgiving to TDZ's readers! I don't have much to be thankful for from a fantasy football perspective: this week is the Basement Bowl, where Simon and I will try to escape the ridicule of being the worst team in the league. However, it's still been fun writing these columns, getting some nice wins with the RFO and embracing the whimsy of doges.

Like Halloween, I have themed picks this week in honor of Thanksgiving - enjoy these forced puns!


QB: Alex "Granny" Smith Apple Pie - Add 1 heaping helping of Denver's Crisco smooth defense plus home cooking in KC and he makes for a reliably satisfactory dessert. FYI: the "Granny" nickname is because he can only throw the ball 10 yards.

WR: John Brown Gravy - I've been riding this gravy train for a while; hasn't had fewer than 61 receiving yards his last 3 games with Stanton under center.

RB: DeAn-jellied Salad Williams - Jellied salad is one of my favorite parts of a Bishop family Thanksgiving; hoping DW jiggles his way for a long TD.

TE: Jared Cook - This one's a given.

W/T: Brent Celery - It's probably my least favorite part of the stuffing, but it needs to be there; solid but non-flashy results with Sanchez.

W/R: Bustin' Hunter - He'll bust out, I'll bust a gut. Looking for another TD against a poor Texans secondary.

W/R: Darren Sp-rolls - Warm up, add butter, and he'll be a slippery one to catch in Dallas today.

K: Matt "Mashed Tater" Prater - Mashed potatoes are a staple that rounds out the meal, like kickers do for a fantasy roster.

DEF: Carolina BBQ - Betting that Bridgewater & Co. will be pulled pork by the end of the game.


RESULTS:

QB: Alex "Granny" Smith Apple Pie - 12.72 points

WR: John Brown Gravy - 4 points

RB: DeAn-jellied Salad Williams - 2.1 points

TE: Jared Cook - 0 points

W/T: Brent Celery - 0.7 points

W/R: Bustin' Hunter - 1.8 points

W/R: Darren Sp-rolls - 3.2 points

K: Matt "Mashed Tater" Prater - 12 points

DEF: Carolina BBQ - 1 point

TOTAL: 37.52

What a disaster of a week. My biggest regret was not going with Ryan Fitzpatrick-or-treat again, and I couldn't for the life of me think of a Thanksgiving pun for Roy Helu. Hopefully removing my insistence on themed picks will get the RFO back in the win column for Week 14.