The UMassBallers Post Draft Autopsy

The UMassBallers are back in action having completed a thrilling draft with 100% participation, a new 100 dollar buy-in, and 100's of virtual dollars wasted on future injuries and busts. Let us lay bare the shocking horror of a draft fleetingly gone by over a mere two and a half hours...

That moment you look at your roster after a draft and go "what the hell am I even looking at?"

For a synopsis of last year's edition of the UMassBallers, including all of the 20/20 hindsight you can handle looking back at that year's draft and trades, click here. Did we learn anything from last year? Read on to find out.

Spoiler alert: the answer's "no."


Draft Day "Yoinks"

Yoink!

Let's give credit to a few of the savvy investments GMs made on draft day.

QB: Cam Newton - Chicago Ferrets - $5

I could only watch in horror as Spaldawg claimed this perennial top-tier fantasy QB for peanuts. Newton has been in the league 3 years and his worst finish was #4 in end-of-year fantasy point rankings. Regardless of his receiving corps, his legs and rushing TDs make him elite. Worst of all, he was almost acquired for just $3 - I upped the price by $2 but didn't go any further since I had already spent my dough on Nick Foles. What a steal.
Honorable mentions: Colin Kaepernick - Cash4Gould - $3; Philip Rivers - denis's Neat Team - $3; Russell Wilson - Farts are Funny - $2

WR: Golden Tate - Serious Cat - $5

Seattle was a run-first team with an egalitarian passing game, so Tate's 64 catches, 898 yards and 5 TDs in 2013 aren't going to knock your socks off. Transitioning to Detroit, however, he'll be a key cog in a high yield passing attack and benefit from single coverage as the defense will have to account for Megatron. Also consider this: Tate's YAC led WRs last year on a per catch basis (minimum: 50 receptions). At $5, this deal is even sweeter than those addictive maple bars he got fat on once.

Honorable mentions: Andre Johnson - Forte Shades of Jay - $19; Riley Cooper - Chicago Ferrets - $2

They really are freaking good, although I'm more of a Voodoo Doughnuts guy.

RB: Ben Tate - Bear Down - $16

Running back is the toughest position to predict from a value perspective because most of the draft's dollars go toward hoarding them, plus who knows which backs will come out of the woodwork to put up primo numbers once injuries occur. The best value I see is another Tate (assuming he can stay healthy, which is a big assumption). He's predicted to be an every down back that gets a high volume of touches, meaning he's got a high touch-to-dollar ratio. A high touch-to-dollar ratio? Also a good value with strippers.

Honorable mentions: DeMarco Murray - mangenius - $42 (solid O-line, $20+ cheaper than tier 1 backs); Bernard Pierce - Serious Cat - $3

TE: Antonio Gates - Farts are Funny - $1

There were numerous great values at tight end in this draft, but I landed on a player who's a known commodity. If I told you that Gates played all 16 games last year, would you believe me? Because it's true. He also had 113 targets, 872 yards and 4 TDs, and I expect the last number to improve. He's in "terrific shape" according to reports, and if the preseason is any indication (here's a grain of salt), he's still a focal point of the passing attack and the team's most viable red zone passing target. Meanwhile, Ladarius Green has rarely been on the field with Rivers and the 1st stringers in preseason. Easily worth a buck, and a better option to start than Farts's other TE option, Travis Kelce (who went for $3).

Honorable mentions: Charles Clay - HERE COMES THE BOOM - $1; Zach Ertz - denis's Neat Team - $2

Fit to Bust

Buyer's remorse: I haz it...

QB: Peyton Manning - HERE COMES THE BOOM - $49

QB is such a deep position that you can bank on at least half of the top-10 QBs by the end of this year to have cost $10 or less. Paying a premium above that means that you expect your QB to be substantially above the production levels of those guys. Last year, Peyton clearly accomplished that feat, but can he replicate the most historic QB production of all-time?

Honorable mentions: Drew Brees - Nickel Blitz - $45; Andrew Luck - Crushing It - $18

WR: Cordarelle Patterson - Crushing It - $22

I don't see any major busts in the WR department, so Patterson at $22 is fairly defensible. What I see, though, is a highly athletic and talented player on a run-first team who had less than 500 yards receiving last year, so there's a higher risk you lose on this investment than somehow turn a profit (I'd need 1,000 yards and 7-8 TDs to justify $22). You can blame last year's QB situation, but Matt Cassel was still the QB for most of those games. I do believe, though, that new OC Norv Turner will deploy Patterson more effectively, so CI could break even.

Honorable mentions: Aaron Dobson - Nickel Blitz - $11; Julio Jones/Randall Cobb - Serious Cat - $73 total (injury risks)

That moment when a top tier RB is on the board...

RB: Montee Ball - Serious Cat - $52

Every year, I waste precious auction dollars on RBs who bust. I'm not just talking about guys who underperform - I'm talking about guys who disappear off the fantasy radar for most of the season. One year, it was Jamaal Charles' ACL that did me in: $50 down the drain. Another year, Ryan Mathews was phased out in favor of Mike Tolbert, then got injured. I dropped him for Joe Webb (remember him?). Then, just last year, David Wilson ($40) fumbled, cried, then came back only to injure his neck. He's retired now. It's a curse that will surely continue. Montee Ball and Toby Gerhart are prime candidates to disappoint this year because they have proven nothing in this league, yet the values applied to them are more speculative than most. And if it's not severe underperformance that does them in, they'll probably get ebola and disappear. My apologies for condemning them to this terrible fate.

Honorable mentions: Toby Gerhart - Serious Cat - $27; Le'Veon Bell - Chicago Ferrets - $36 (in a time-share, plus his name sounds like a Pokemon)

TE: Vernon Davis - Deals and Steals - $21

San Francisco bolstered its receivers by getting Michael Crabtree healthy and signing Stevie Johnson and Brandon Lloyd. Anquan Boldin is still very much in the mix, and suddenly you've got a run-first team with too many mouths to feed. Now Deals and Steals is stuck with this VD.

Honorable mentions: Jimmy Graham - Chicago Ferrets - $52 (just based on the huge fee); Rob Gronkowski - HERE COMES THE BOOM - $27 (knee)

Like D&S, Harbaugh is incredulous at Davis' bust status.

Miscellaneous Observations:

• Events that made it an official UMassBallers draft:
• mangenius secured the services of Chris Johnson for a 5th consecutive year (that's a real stat)
• Nickel Blitz upped a bid by a much larger amount than was necessary to get a player, Aaron Dobson (remember Alex Smith for $5?)
• HERE COMES THE BOOM spent the most money for an individual player, Jamaal Charles (4th consecutive year doing that, unless he played by the name "Bieber Fever" in 2010, which would make it 5 years in a row)
• Serious Cat completed a trade prior to Week 1, confirming his status as the most spastic fantasy GM in league history
• Add Tom Terrific to the list of possible draft day bargains. I was surprised to see him go so low given all the Pats fans in the league. A healthy receiving corps should help him rebound.
• The $6 doled out by HERE COMES THE BOOM for Seattle's defense is tied for the highest amount spent on a defense in league history. It's tied with the infamous draft of "The Brouhaha" in 2011, which auto-picked the Green Bay Packers D for $6 and also drafted 4 tight ends.

Early Bird Power Rankings:

Serious Cat's keeping his eyes on the competition...

Below are some fast reacts to the rosters we've got to start the year. I see teams 1-5 in the top tier for now, while teams 6-12 are pretty fluid and could go in any order.

1. denis's Neat Team
• Three solid RBs and good value/upside picks at the other positions = very neat. TEACH ME.
2. HERE COMES THE BOOM
• Has arguably the top player/team at 4 positions; can fill in remaining gaps via free agency.
3. mangenius
• Solid value picks at a variety of positions. CJ2K or T-Rich need to surprise us to provide RB depth. 
4. Crushing It
• Shady is shaping up to have a monster year; other starters are solid, but probably needs one more star at flex to jump up these rankings.
5. Cash4Gould
• Clear RB1, WR1, and TE1; week-to-week results may depend on picking the right QB; Spiller needs to produce if C4G will contend.
6. Forte Shades of Jay
• Patiently waited for value, got solid vet RBs; could propel up these rankings quickly after Week 1 using his sizable waiver budget.
7. Farts Are Funny
• Solid WRs, but the big question marks are RB TDs week-to-week and RGIII.
8. Serious Cat
• Question marks at RB, but depth at WR; trade for Jeremy Hill hedges against RB inadequacy.
9. Bear Down
• Set at QB, WR and TE; RBs a question mark; BD GM setting up altar to make sacrifices to the fantasy football gods for production out of Ben Tate.
10. Chicago Ferrets
• Spaldawg in identity crisis mode as he sets record for most dollars spent on a TE ($52, obliterating the previous record of $40).
11. Deals and Steals
• Fate tied to Lions passing game, which isn't a bad bet; bench offers little intrigue.
12. Nickel Blitz
• Lacking true WR1 unless Dobson shocks the world; reigning champ loving the underdog status early on, putting a chip on his players' shoulders.

This is shaping up to be a fun and competitive fantasy campaign - looking forward to playing with you all. Good luck and enjoy the season! Football's back!!!

At least we don't have any Eagles fans in this league.