Airing It Out - TDZ's NFL Kickoff 2011

As of last night the NFL season is officially underway, and no one is more excited than fantasy football fanatics. Numerous players changed teams and training camp was shortened due to the lockout, so there are a lot of questions about who will surprisingly ascend to the ethers as a fantasy star (The Miles Austin Awards), and who will descend like a flaming doomsday meteor and pulverize their team's chances (The Randy Moss Awards).

Moss'D

For the sake of traditional fandom, I'll also give my preliminary power rankings. **Spoiler Alert** - The Bengals are bad.

On to my football smorgasbord!


Breakthrough Beasties - The Miles Austin Awards, presented by Colt 45

"Hello, Peter. Welcome to the cool side of the pillow."

Quarterback:

Matthew Stafford
- He's always had the skills, and on the rare occasions when he did play last year, he was effective. With a variety of weapons along the line of scrimmage and in the backfield, plus a defense that's less depressing for Lions fans than in years past, there's no reason why this #1 pick can't emerge as this year's breakthrough QB... aside from the fact his bones are made of balsa wood.

Wide Receiver:

Percy Harvin
- He's literally the only quality receiving option on this team. Bernard Berrian averaged 2 receptions a game last year with zero TDs, and Visanthe Shiancoe has been hampered by a bad hammy all preseason. Meanwhile, Donovan McNabb had great rapport with a similar short, slashing receiver in Santana Moss, who achieved a career high in receptions last year. Throw in some kickoff returns and the promise of no more migraines, and all your base are belong to PH12 owners.

AJ Green
- I'm baffled by how little I'm hearing about this guy. He was the best receiver in this year's draft, and he's the WR1 on a team that will be playing from behind most of the year. His QB is also a rookie, which could be problematic, but he's a big target at 6'4", and the kid can jump and catch just about anything, so who needs accuracy? He's going to be Andy Dalton's BFFF for sho.

Running Back:

Tim Hightower
- Many would balk at selecting a running back in Lucifer Shanahan's system, but the fact is that his RBs are almost always productive, and the #1 option does get a solid portion of the carries. Thus far, all indications are that Timmay will be the guy, and his patient running style is perfect for Shanahan's zone blocking system. Though it's just preseason, All Along the Hightower made both Indy and Baltimore look silly chasing his flowing dreads. Add his pass catching ability for the 1% of plays where Rex Grossman doesn't throw it deep, and you've got a solid breakout candidate.

Card carrying member since 2006.

Beanie Wells
- It's time to put up or shut up for the erstwhile Buckeye. Even if he doesn't improve on his career 4.1 yards/carry, he should put up solid end-of-year numbers given the workload he's in line for. For the first time ever, I've actually read favorable commentary about his conditioning and playing style this preseason. It doesn't hurt that the Cards have the easiest schedule in football this year - gotta love that NFC West!

Tight End:

Lance Kendricks
- 2nd year QB Sam Bradford has already shown uncommon chemistry with Kendricks Football Sports. The rookie represents the biggest red zone target for the team, and all indications are that he will have a consistent role in the offense.


Flatulent Duds - The Randy Moss Awards, presented by Hot Pockets

When you're hankerin' for the taste of boiling hot lava and rancid meat.

Quarterback:

Kevin Kolb
- He was 2-4 in games he played in last year, and the Eagles were a playoff team! Hopefully Larry Fitzgerald can make him look halfway decent.

Running Back:

Michael Turner
- I've been a big "Burner Turner" fan since his Charger days, but there's cause for trepidation this year. His 4.1 yards/carry last year were his lowest ever, and he's been periodically stifled by groin strains the last couple years. Just watching him in 2010, he didn't look as explosive as in past years, and in one absurd goal-line scenario it took him all 4 downs to punch in a 1-yard score. His thunder thighs just don't rumble like they used to.

Wide Receiver:

Sidney Rice
- Rice is a great talent who made a splashy comeback last year after a lengthy injury rehab, but his situation stinks like unsold fish going bad at Fisherman's Wharf. Playing with Brett Favre in 2009, Rice averaged over 80 yards and .5 TDs per game. Playing with Tarvaris Jackson and Joe Webb last year, he averaged just 47 yards and .33 TDs per game.

Tight End:

Antonio Gates
- When healthy, he's the best tight end in the league, and you'll get no argument here. I just don't buy that he'll be healthy all year, as foot problems have a way of lingering for big fellas. So far he seems to be in good shape. Also, Gates is the only tight end with high enough expectations to possibly disappoint on a large enough scale to qualify for this award.


NFL Power Rankings

1. Green Bay Packers - Rodgers is effective inside the pocket, outside the pocket, on the run, in the backyard, out in the driveway, hopping on one leg, and especially on odd-numbered Sundays two days after precipitation with the moon at a waning gibbous. Seriously, who can stop this guy? They also got a few injured starters back, so they're even more loaded.
2. New England Patriots - Brady's still Brady, and the young'ns are growing up all around him. Best of all, "Pro Bowl" strong safety Brandon Meriweather will no longer be blowing coverages.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers - Not much changes for the Steelers heading into this year. Given their Super Bowl appearance last year, that's not a bad thing.
4. New York Jets - A great running game and defense will help the team succeed yet again this year, but their lack of a QB better than Mark Sanchez keeps them out of the top 3.
5. Philadelphia Eagles - If there's one team I'm going to hate starting my WRs and QB against, it's the Eagles. Nnamdi Asomugha and Asante Samuel scurr me.
6. Baltimore Ravens - The offense got some new weapons in WR Lee Evans and bulldozer FB Vonta Leach. The defense remains predictably solid.
7. Atlanta Falcons - Sir Matthew Ice will be relied upon more this year for a couple reasons: 1) Turner's effectiveness appears to be waning, and 2) the team drafted Julio Jones as another receiving threat so he wouldn't rely 95% on Rowdy Roddy White.
8. New Orleans Saints - Brees will probably throw for 5,000 yards this year and keep his team dangerous, but nothing about their defense screams "elite team" to me.
9. San Diego Chargers - Even with Ryan Mathews being a constant disappointment (showed up to camp out of shape, spells his last name with one "t"), the Chargers have an overall effective run game. Philip Rivers Tam has had 3 straight years with a QB rating over 100.
10. Indianapolis Colts - Obviously Peyton Manning's the big question mark here, so I've invented a new position for him a la the drummer for The Roots: ?B. Elsewhere, they drafted well to shore up their O-line, but I don't have any particular reason to believe their run defense has improved.

Don't cramp my style, !anger.

11. Chicago Bears - It's time for Jay Cutty to play to his ability. Last year the Bears averaged only 188 passing yards per game, but their defense (particularly against the run) enabled them to go deep in the playoffs. Perhaps Roy Williams will help out the passing attack... *snorts derisively*
12. Dallas Cowboys - How 'bout them Cowboys? Well, they'll be better than last year if they get a full season from Tony Romo, and they haven't really lost much talent, just the hype. They could sneak into the playoffs as a Wild Card.
13. Detroit Lions - This team could put up points in bunches if Matthew Stafford stays healthy. On the defensive side, Ndamukong Suh remains the most fun name to say in the NFL, and draft pick Nick Fairley should help him create a wall on the interior if he ever gets healthy. This will be a fun team to watch.
14. Kansas City Chiefs - As a Patriots homer I'm sad to see Charlie Weis go, but I'm sure Jamaal Charles and his absurd 6.4 ypc will find a way to lead the offense. Defensively they're middle of the pack, but its a younger unit that's maturing. There's no reason to doubt they'll have another winning season.
15. St. Louis Rams - Sam Bradford gets a lot of the headlines, but their defense is underrated and improving (2009: 27.3 points allowed/game, 2010: 20.5). A sophomore slump for Sammy B. wouldn't surprise me, but for now I'm thinking this team tops the hilarious NFC West.
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Last year didn't seem flukish on the offensive side of the ball with Josh Freeman, Mike Williams, and LeGarrette "Blount Force Trauma" emerging as reliable players. Defensively they were 2nd to last in sacks and were 5th to last in rush D, so I don't see them hanging with the Falcons or Saints in the NFC South. 
17. New York Giants - Based on their defensive injuries to date, you've got to think they're going to struggle this year. Bad news for the obnoxious fans of the team. I want my 88 minutes back!
18. Houston Texans - Considered by many to possess the most fantasy eligible players in the game, it's unfortunate that this team isn't actually good enough to win the real games. More pass defense, plz.
19. Minnesota Vikings - Whether or not Donovan McNabb has anything left in the tank will determine how well this team does. Given the crappy situation he had to deal with in DC, I'm willing to bet he can lead the Vikes to a near .500 record in the tough NFC North.
20. Oakland Raiders - Da Raiders went undefeated in their division last year, but still only managed to end up 8-8. The running game should still be effective, but the departure of Asomugha hurts a pass defense that was second in the league in yards allowed last year.
21. Tennessee Titans - Hold on: the Titans had to choose between Vince Young or Jeff Fisher, and now they have neither? Time for Chris Johnson and that dirty defense to save the team.
22. Arizona Cardinals - They have the easiest schedule in the NFL based on last year's record. Kevin Kolb will still find a way to screw up this ideal situation.
23. Miami Dolphins - This team really didn't do much during the off-season except letting Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams go and picking up Reggie Bush. I'm minorly intrigued to see how Sparano uses Bush... like if I was sitting on an airplane and this movie was playing that I would never bother looking for under normal circumstances, I'd check it out. I wonder if their fans feel the same way....
24. Cleveland Browns - Those lovable Browns are back at it again. Colt McCoy may not be a flashy QB, but he managed the offense efficiently last year, at least until surrendering 6 INTs in 2 games to the Ravens and Steelers in the final games. Throw in the majestic, Major Armstrong-caliber biceps of Peyton Hillis and this team is going to win some games. Some.

Behold! This football biceps sculpting technique has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!!

25. Washington Redskins - 2nd to last in yards allowed + 2nd to last in 3rd down conversions + Rex Grossman = egads I'm glad I'm not a fan of this team.
26. San Francisco 49ers - No, no, no - this is the year Alex Smith puts it all together. Year #6, baby.
27. Carolina Panthers - I'm not a big Cam Newton fan, but their running game is usually effective, and their defense isn't the worst either. I guess this is NFL purgatory.
28. Seattle Seahawks - I've always been impressed by Seattle's "12th Man," but I wouldn't blame them if they were a smidgen quieter this year since Tarvaris Jackson is their starting QB.
29. Denver Broncos - I was sad to see Josh McDaniels go, because it meant that the Kyle Orton aerial show is likely over. I guess it was for the best though as the Broncos can now address the team's real need: acquiring some semblance of a defense.
30. Buffalo Bills - The Bills gave some teams fits as Ryan Fitzpatrick and Stevie Johnson provided some surprising offense, but they always found some way to lose. New for Bills games on CBS this year will be a Bills run defense laugh track donated by Chuck Lorre.
31. Jacksonville Jaguars - I don't think people have come to grips with how bad this team will be. David Garrard was cast off, leaving Luke McCown as the team's starting QB a week before the year starts. Who does that?!
32. Cincinnati Bengals - Rookie QB, a RB that averages 3.5 yards per carry, an abysmal defense, and - worst of all - no T.Ocho to at least make this season entertaining for Bungles fans. I guess we'll have to make do with the blooper reel.