The Alternative Sports Bucket List

While TDZ tends to cover only the big 5 sports (that's right, I'm including soccer, and there's nothing you can do about it), there are a plethora of fringe sports that, while boring on TV, could make for an entertaining cultural immersion. I had the privilege of attending a couple lucha libre cards in Mexico, and some readers may remember the good times (or maybe unending tedium) of Aussie-rules Football and Rugby League matches. Attending these different events - witnessing their cultural relevance and experiencing the passionate atmosphere of the fans - sparked an interest in further sportsploration.

Hehe, look at Psicosis' little nino wrestle.

With that in mind, I've devised a bucket list of sporting events that I'm interested in checking off before I meet the great referee up above.


Kentucky Derby - Louisville, Kentucky

I never watch horse racing, I don't gamble, and jockeys are creepy, but this is a spectacle I don't want to miss. The race has been run every year since 1875, and it attracts some of the wealthiest elites for "the fastest 2 minutes sports." I'm also intrigued by the food component of the race, which involves drinking mint juleps and eating a stew called burgoo. Count me in. Oh yeah, and don't forget to bring a goofy hat.

It doesn't even look like a real place, just some fantasy land with horseys and munchkins.

Indy 500 - Indianapolis, Indiana

Similarly, I've never once watched an auto race the entire way through, but I'd be remiss as a 'merican sports fan if I didn't check out a race at the country's most hallowed racing venue, the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. There are really two options for watching a race at Indy: the Indy 500, and the Brickyard 400. Doing it right, in my opinion, means going to the Indy 500: faster cars, more history (first race in 1911), and the winner chugs a jug of milk. I'm sensing a food theme here.

You gotta want that milk more!

Formula 1 - Monaco Grand Prix

Racing's triple crown is winning the Indy 500, 24 Hours of Le Mans, and Monaco Grand Prix. I'd rather sit in a confined room, trapped with my own farts than watch 24 hours of racing, but the Monaco Grand Prix is widely considered to be one of the greatest sporting - not just racing - events in the world. The course is unique in that the principality of Monaco is the course, and it's considered the most difficult in the world. The road is narrow, it changes in elevation, features a tunnel, and includes the tightest hairpin turn in Formula 1. And if that's not enough, you should go just to see the Prince's Palace, the Monte Carlo casino, or my favorite French league team, one-time Champion's League finalist AS Monaco.

I'd like to try just completing one lap without crashing in a horrible fireball of French Riviera demise.

Boxing Title Bout - Las Vegas, Nevada

What do you get when you combine the energy of Las Vegas with the electric atmosphere of a major boxing fight? I don't know, that's why I want to find out. The recent Mayweather-Cotto match at the MGM Grand Garden Arena really got me to think more about this possibility, I just hope boxing is still around by the time I get a chance to go.

Oh man, it's really damp and gross under here. I immediately regret this decision.

Cricket - Lord's Cricket Ground, London, U.K.

When I was in Australia, I got into cricket simply from watching it on TV, so I'd imagine attending a match would be a real treat. After consulting a variety of top lists, it seems like Lord's is where it's at. It was first opened way back when the Brits were being annoying freedom-hating buggers (1814). While not as large as the Melbourne Cricket Ground, Lord's also features a museum and a media centre center, and it was the seat of power for the cricketing world through 2005 as most administrative decisions for the sport were made there. Ideally, I'd like to see a World Cup match there, but honestly any old game will do.

Once I figure out all there is to cricket, I'll be starting a fantasy league.

Wimbledon - London, U.K.

May as well stay on the grass in London for the most prestigious tennis event in the world. Some people may like the American or French Opens best (nice try, Aussie Open), but this venue is the one I want to see. For starters, it started before the others. Furthermore, it's important to note that the tournament doesn't have men's and women's champions: it has gentlemen's and ladies's champions. Alright, so it's a little pretentious, but most importantly, the spectators have a tradition of eating strawberries and cream. I think we have a winner.

Uh, ok, where are the concessions? Oh yeah, there it is.

Jai Alai/Zesta-Punta Partido - Bilbao, Spain

I've never even seen a proper game in person, but I'm intrigued to see one based on how fast the pelota (ball) moves. The top speed for a pelota is 302 kph (188 mph), which is basically double the speed of a solid major league fastball. While the sport was once all the rage, interest has died down, and professional matches may be hard to find, even in the sport's homeland, but I'm sure a little local knowledge will do the trick. Unrelated to the sport but equally important, make sure to try the local cider and unique Basque cuisine.

And if it's become really unpopular, I'll try playing.

Running of the Bulls - Pamplona, Spain

While in Spain, I may as well make a stop in Pamplona before heading to Barcelona for a soccer match. That's assuming the bulls don't get me first. The encierro happens at 8 am each day from July 7-14 annually. Some people wonder what the deal is with this event. Evidently it was borne out of the need to transport bulls from off-site corrals to the bullring, where they would later be killed. A few rascals would show their bravado by running among them, and then others latched on, and ~600 years later, it's a major thing. My morbid curiosity got the best of me: 16 people have died from the event since 1910, and Wiki also says that there are 200-300 injuries every year. That's out of 20,500 participants in 2011: I like those odds.

Or not. Who's getting it worse, the horn guy or the face-in-crotch guy?

The British Open - St. Andrews, Scotland

I don't watch golf, I don't play golf, and if it's not of the miniature variety, you can count me out, but I've got to respect the skill necessary to play this game. I chose the British Open since it's the oldest of the four major championships, and also because the tournament is hosted at the "Old Course" at St. Andrews in Scotland every 5 years. St Andrews is also the oldest golf course in the world and often called "the home of golf," so if you're going to see golf in its truest nature, it sounds like St. A's is the place. I'm not sure about food options (Matt-O would know), but there's gotta be some haggis lying around somewhere. Lastly, remember to pack a windbreaker or a raincoat, because every time I see the Open played there, it looks like even John Daly has trouble standing upright. Oh wait.

Yikes, it better be some good haggis. Oh wait.

Grand Sumo Honbasho - Tokyo, Japan

I've already mentioned this idea many times. Big athletes competing in a unique cultural event, complete with many rituals and much blubber - 'nuff said.

Not even going to make fun of their outfits, this is just seriously cool.

All-Ireland Hurling Final - Ireland

I was reading up on hurling and was impressed to learn that the sport has been around for at least 3,000 years. Gaelic in origin, it seems to have the frenetic pace of Aussie-rules Football, but with the added danger of swinging axe-like sticks. Shockingly, helmets were not compulsory until 2010. After watching the video below, I knew I had to watch a game in person. I assume Guinness will be mandatory.

Bossaball - Brazil

From one of the oldest sports, we change gears to one of the youngest. This sport, which I didn't even know existed until a few days ago, combines two of my favorite things: soccer tennis, and bouncing. Check out the video, it's pretty fun to watch. Like most Brazilian sports, it seems to help to have a good sense of rhythm, and I'm inclined to believe that listening to music is mandatory while playing.

World Beard and Moustache World Championships - Leinfelden-Echterdingen, Germany

This biennial championship will happen November 2, 2013, so plan your travel now. Based on the association's pathetic Geocities-style website, it's unclear whether or not one has to pay admission, or even if spectators are welcome, but they wouldn't grow those jarring manes unless they wanted them to be oggled, right? I've been meaning to go back to Germany at some point, and now I have the flimsy excuse I need to do so!

This isn't my full-time job, you know. No, my full-time job is haunting children's dreams.