2017 Roster Freak Out - Week 1

"Fantasy football is a nightmare at the intersection of man's hubris and the horrors of a reality over which he exerts no control...

- Werner Herzog"

- Darren Bishop

Evidence that Herzog is a Bears fan.

Under the pall of this disturbing omen... we embark on another season of UMassBallers!

Speaking of nightmares, imagine you didn't show up for the fantasy draft, and auto-draft wasn't even working, leaving you with a completely empty roster to start the year. Who are you gonna pick up to play each week?

That's the premise of my weekly Roster Freak Out series, which is back once again for 2017. If my team of misfits outscores any of the UMassBallers, I score that as a W. If not, it's a L.

We'll have to find out whether a 10-team league improves or worsens the RFO. Without further ado, here are the selections for Week 1...


QB: Spam Bradford - Gotta love that Nawlins defense in what could be a shootout.
WR: Skyler Lockett - WR2 spot for Seattle is up for grabs, and I like his big play ability.
RB: Theo Squib Kick - Stafford will need to release the ball quickly to avoid Cards pass rush.
TE: Antonio Greats - So long as he's on that field, he produces.
W/T: Kendall Flight - I don't trust Kevin Blight as a WR1.
W/R: Plain Vereen - Forgotten man in Giants backfield could end up being their most valuable - health permitting.
W/R: Donte Mond Grief - Colts will be world weary by season's end, but Donte should keep busy.
K: Dustin Plopkins - Can't wait for the day when a trade is made using this guy to trick someone into thinking it's "D. Hopkins" from Houston.
DEF: LA Hams - Indy offense looking shaky with Luck out.


RESULTS:

QB: Spam Bradford - 25.54 points
WR: Skyler Lockett - 0.8 points
RB: Theo Squib Kick - 8.6 points
TE: Antonio Greats - 1.7 points
W/T: Kendall Flight - 3.4 points
W/R: Plain Vereen - 5.1 points
W/R: Donte Mond Grief - 5 points
K: Dustin Plopkins - 5 points
DEF: LA Hams - 30 points
TOTAL: 85.14

SPAM AND HAMS!

This week's picks were courtesy of Ham Rove.