So I watched Season 2 of Stranger Things, and I realized just now that it's basically an elaborate allegory for how fantasy football is the Upside-Down of regular football. On the surface, you have these real people playing their hearts out, making the most of their talents and work. But underneath is a shadowy realm of betting that leeches off of the real game, and we're all a bunch of demogorgons feeding off of the events and misfortunes of the people playing the real game. And let's face it, for the vast majority of us, but especially Doge, fantasy football really is an Upside-Down hellscape.
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| Not sure how this fan's Melvingordon fits in... |
With Thanksgiving around the corner, I already have food on the mind as I make these picks.
QB: Jay Butler - INTs will be served with a fumbleberry compote and (broken) bone marrow.
WR: Jeremy Cracklin - he "leads" the Ravens with 310 yards receiving.
RB: J.D. McQuizzical - Falcons have been destroyed by pass-catching RBs.
TE: Trance Kendricks - Entering a State of Trance, with Armin Van Buren.
W/T: Austin Freak Alert - I actually have no idea how to pronounce his last name. All I know is the Bills run defense is now non-existent.
W/R: Dontrelle Thin Mint - Sadly the top receiving option on a silly Bears team.
W/R: Kenny Thrills - If he doesn't play, this pick will switch to Kenny Holiday.
K: Brandon McFlan-us - New to McDonald's, it's the McFlan.
DEF: Moo England Patriots - Have scored 8 fantasy points or more since Week 6.
RESULTS:
QB: Jay Butler - 1.42 points (LOL @ how accurate my description was)
WR: Jeremy Cracklin - 3.4 points
RB: J.D. McQuizzical - 5.3 points
TE: Trance Kendricks - 0.5 points
W/T: Austin Freak Alert - 11.8 points
W/R: Dontrelle Thin Mint - 4.3 points
W/R: Kenny Thrills - 23 points
K: Brandon McFlan-us - 6 points
DEF: Moo England Patriots - 11 points
TOTAL: 66.72 points
Down go Neat Team and Sweaty Sac!
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