2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 14

I've got an important update from Mars: InSight rocks and it's registering sounds from the red planet.

My favorite part from NASA's update: the word Marsquakes. This changes everything....

2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 13

Don't have much time to write a post this week, so here's a grab-bag of naming conventions based on player positions. They're not all winners, but rarely is the RFO.

QB: Mace Keenum - Throwin' them purple lightsaber darts.
QB: Marcus Mariyoda - Disappoint me he will.
WR: Spike Williams - C'mon Spike! Untie these knots. Spike? SPIKE!
WR: Captain Kirk - There's... someone on the wing. Some... THING!
RB: Jalen Richarlemagne - He was the last dude standing in Europe, and he'll be the last dude standing in Oakland's offense.
RB: Francis I Gore - He reigned for 21 years, or roughly 1/10th the duration of Gore's NFL career.
TE: Hangin' with Mr. Hooper - Football = TGIS TV.
W/T: Matt Who's La Boss? - I don't know, I never watched it.
W/R: Dr. Quinn Enunwa - Don't mind me, Mr. Quinn! I'm just a curious little rhino.
W/R: Carlos V Hyde - "Iron hand in a velvet glove." More like sluggish lad in a round body.
K: Stephen Hawking - "My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is, and why the kicker position exists in fantasy football."
DEF: Buffalo Bill Nye - The football guy.

2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 12

Happy Dogegiving!

QB: Drumstick Mullens - A generous helping of TB D will fill the stat sheet.
QB: Nosh Allen - The Bills are back, baby.
WR: Pecan Brown - He'll be the recipient of 30 of 100 Ravens passing yards.
WR: Corn on the Cobb - I'm only picking him because it's Thanksgiving.
RB: De(-on) Lewcious - Sweaty Sac castoff will suddenly be a fantasy beast!
RB: Frank Corn - He's literally #4 on the all-time rushing list.
TE: Toothpick Vannett - Carolina randomly gives up the most TE points.
W/T: Dish Herndon - Pats to suffer from Hern burns.
W/R: Cape Codwin - So many Bucs passing yards to go around.
W/R: DeVante Pumpkin - Him or Kenny Chills is gonna go off... probably Chills.
K: Cake Elliott - Eagles are so mediocre, and I'm lovin' it.
DEF: Washington Turkeyskins - Scored 9 or more points in 5 of their last 6.

2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 11

Evidently an oddly shaped interstellar asteroid flew threw our solar system recently, called 'Oumuamua. It's 6x longer than it is wide, making it unlike any asteroid in our solar system (and it may actually be a comet).

What's most fascinating to me is that the object apparently displays "nongravitational acceleration." The prevailing notion is this is the cause of "outgassing" - a process whereby solar heat warms frozen gasses on the surface to provide a form of propulsion. This is not to be confused with the better known form of outgassing, which is when a person is running and gets extra propulsion from their own farts.

The alternate explanation is that this object is actually an alien probe sent from another star system to gather data on ours. This hypothesis is basically Star Trek IV but with a much less cranky probe - which is pretty sweet.

Whatever the case may be: we need to save the whales (especially humpbacks).

2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 10

I'm traveling for a wedding so an extra lazy RFO for this week.

QB: Pick Mullens - Let's see if last week's performance was for real; New Spork's D is totes bad.
QB: Josh Chosen - Gonna need to pass 100 times to keep up with the Beefs.
WR: Psych Williams - He'll have his one catch for a touchdown, and that's good enough for me.
WR: John Floss - Maybe this will be the one game where he justifies his draft position.
RB: Giovani Spurnard - Bengals will be playing from behind all day long.
RB: Lost In Ekeler - He randomly explodes from time to time.
TE: Benjamin Squatson - Bengals are giving up lost of points to TEs.
W/T: Jared Shook - Someone's gonna need to catch passes in Croakland.
W/R: Terrelle Friar - This is my super duper deep sleeper, hoping he replaces Sharkley at QB!
W/R: King Dedede Westbrook - Chortles is back from the bye and ready to lose his job.
K: Jason Squires - Jets offense is pretty bad - nothing but FGs.
DEF: Indianapolis Molts - Because Chortles.

2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 9

Wow, my dogers. Just wow. Another improbable victory for the RFO as I edged Cash4Gould, bringing my season record up to a robust 2-6. I'm in Chicago Ferrets territory now!

I know there's a big election coming up Tuesday (Vote.), but I need to bring your attention to startling international news: a Russian kid claims he lived on Mars and was reborn on Earth... and for some reason, there are people who aren't outright dismissing him. (Link 1 and 2)

"My parents enable me." - This kid, probably.

His parents think he's real special. He could talk, write, draw at early ages (probably just gibberish).
At 7, he first concocted a story that he lived on Mars a long time ago, and that they had incredible technology and wiped each other out in a nuclear war. Evidently he visited Earth before they all died, and Martians have ties to ancient Egyptian culture. Furthermore, there's a way to "open" the Sphinx if you locate something by its ear.

Evidently this kid is in his early 20's now, but I can't find any recent information about him. My hunch is that he is an "entrepreneur" with a now ironic mullet in Brooklyn.

Done Did the Damage: the 2018 Boston Red Sox

Playoff baseball season has a smell. Do you know it? I've found the smell more noticeable in New England compared to other parts of the country, but perhaps that's because I connect it to childhood memories.

I first notice it when the soothing warmth of Summer transitions to the crisp cool of Fall. Suddenly, there's a subtle edge to the atmosphere. Leaves start dying on their branches. I believe that's where the smell originates: nature taking a sharp turn toward it's perennial period of decay. Yet, when I inhale and exhale that cool air, I feel more alive than I have for many warm, sluggish months. Nature's clock is winding down. Winter is coming. Anything you want to accomplish this year, it's now or never. It's do or die. There is a harmonic amplification between these vibrations and those of playoff baseball - one intensifies the other, and vice versa.

Baseball players returned to work over half a year ago at this point. Over the many summer months, the season has less of a smell and more of a hum. Day in, day out, the games tick by. There are certainly exciting moments during the season, but it's difficult to pinpoint when those moments occurred. The regular season is a marathon. Every step on that marathon technically matters, but you're more likely to remember the rhythm than the individual footfalls.

That all changes in October. Suddenly every pitch, swing, hit, and decision is scrutinized and memorable. As a Red Sox fan, what a memorable month it was, culminating in the team's 9th overall championship and the 4th of the 21st century. This team became the winningest in franchise history (108), eclipsing the team's previous record of 105 wins set in 1912 by a squad led by Tris Speaker and Smoky Joe Wood. More importantly, they are world champions.

How did this team succeed to such a remarkable degree in today's game, which has evolved so drastically since a century ago? Let's take a look at some of the biggest trends in baseball, and then put a spotlight on the players that comprised this latest championship team for Boston.