2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 11

Evidently an oddly shaped interstellar asteroid flew threw our solar system recently, called 'Oumuamua. It's 6x longer than it is wide, making it unlike any asteroid in our solar system (and it may actually be a comet).

What's most fascinating to me is that the object apparently displays "nongravitational acceleration." The prevailing notion is this is the cause of "outgassing" - a process whereby solar heat warms frozen gasses on the surface to provide a form of propulsion. This is not to be confused with the better known form of outgassing, which is when a person is running and gets extra propulsion from their own farts.

The alternate explanation is that this object is actually an alien probe sent from another star system to gather data on ours. This hypothesis is basically Star Trek IV but with a much less cranky probe - which is pretty sweet.

Whatever the case may be: we need to save the whales (especially humpbacks).

Regardless of how ineffective the RFO is, I will continue to assemble terrible squadrons until the season draws to a merciful conclusion. Enjoy these negative selections.

QB: Alex Whiff - Fingers crossed for another 178 yard, 1 TD performance!
QB: Case Keenumb - Because there's literally only 4 FA QBs to choose from.
WR: Christian Smirk - If he doesn't have a good game against Oakland, he's dead to me.
WR: Michael Craptree - Cincy is the type of D to get right against.
RB: Failin' Richard - Oakland looks like the worst team in the league.
RB: Javorius "Suck" Allen - Hmu with another rando TD.
TE: Lames O'Blahhnessy - Former Pats training camp duder.
W/T: Equanimeous St. Frown - Super sleeper with Blobb out.
W/R: Nelson Aghopoor - Will he get touchdown #2, or drop a #2?
W/R: Theo Dick-kick - Every time I pick this guy is like a kick to the groin.
K: Graham GaNO - Playing in a dome helps.
DEF: Indianapolis Dolts - Tennessee will have a post-Pats win hangover.


RESULTS:
QB: Alex Whiff - 4.7 points (get well soon)
QB: Case Keenumb - 8.2 points
WR: Christian Smirk - 13.7 points
WR: Michael Craptree - 0.7 points
RB: Failin' Richard - 8.3 points
RB: Javorius "Suck" Allen - 0.2 points
TE: Lames O'Blahhnessy - 0.4 points
W/T: Equanimeous St. Frown - 1.6 points
W/R: Nelson Aghopoor - 0 points
W/R: Theo Dick-kick - 3 points
K: Graham GaNO - -2 points
DEF: Indianapolis Dolts - 15 points
TOTAL: 53.8 points

Can't say enough bad things about this team!