2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 9

Wow, my dogers. Just wow. Another improbable victory for the RFO as I edged Cash4Gould, bringing my season record up to a robust 2-6. I'm in Chicago Ferrets territory now!

I know there's a big election coming up Tuesday (Vote.), but I need to bring your attention to startling international news: a Russian kid claims he lived on Mars and was reborn on Earth... and for some reason, there are people who aren't outright dismissing him. (Link 1 and 2)

"My parents enable me." - This kid, probably.

His parents think he's real special. He could talk, write, draw at early ages (probably just gibberish).
At 7, he first concocted a story that he lived on Mars a long time ago, and that they had incredible technology and wiped each other out in a nuclear war. Evidently he visited Earth before they all died, and Martians have ties to ancient Egyptian culture. Furthermore, there's a way to "open" the Sphinx if you locate something by its ear.

Evidently this kid is in his early 20's now, but I can't find any recent information about him. My hunch is that he is an "entrepreneur" with a now ironic mullet in Brooklyn.


Welcome to the Week 9 RFO, courtesy of the silver screen:

QB: Agent Smith - He only has 3 turnovers in 7 games. In contrast, Fuzzins had 7 at this point last year. Now, the Redskins are better.
QB: Spock Osweiler - Produced decent point totals at home. Frowney had nothing but ice cold things to say about him.
WR: Danny Oceandola - Spock loves throwing to this doge.
WR: David Thor - With B-Marsh released, this duder will be their 3rd WR; not convinced the 5th Baldwin brother is in form yet.
RB: LeGarrette "Ethan" Hunt - Please poach a goal-line TD.
RB: Tyler Durden - Sneaky: this guy will probably play slot receiver this week.
TE: Austin Powers Hooper - Shall we J.A.G. now, or J.A.G. later?
W/T: Cole Weasley - Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, Ron, Ginny, and Cole.
W/R: Rashard "Henry" Higgins/Damion Thorn Ratley - Whichever one is healthy and plays (Henry being option 1).
W/R: Tinker Taylor Soldier Gabriel - Buffalo's defense is actually rather good, but Gabriel should plenty of targets.
K: Brandon "Michael" McManus - Hasn't scored fewer than 8 points at home this season.
DEF: Pittsburgh Spielbergs - Well-rested off the bye and (Wes) Cravens offense is starting to sputter.


RESULTS:
QB: Agent Smith - 16.44 points
QB: Spock Osweiler - 5.96 points
WR: Danny Oceandola - 4.7 points
WR: David Thor - 1.6 points (and a HUGE dropped pass in the endzone that could've tied the game)
RB: LeGarrette "Ethan" Hunt - 1 point
RB: Tyler Durden - 0 points
TE: Austin Powers Hooper - 4.1 points
W/T: Cole Weasley - 1.6 points
W/R: Rashard "Henry" Higgins - 1.9 points
W/R: Tinker Taylor Soldier Gabriel - 4.5 points
K: Brandon "Michael" McManus - 6 points
DEF: Pittsburgh Spielbergs - 4 points
TOTAL: 51.8 points

This was the worst.