2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 3

Earlier this week, I posed the question to myself of what Simpsons characters best reflect the teams in our league. Why? It's best not to trouble one's head pondering the inanity that consumes my own.

I have a sweet jigsaw puzzle of this exact image.

Of course, I brought that mental exercise to its natural conclusion in the following blog post. Here are my takes:

• Sweaty Sac: Moe Szyslak
• Sure, he'll act like he's willing to trade you that jar of pickled eggs... but you're never gonna get that jar of pickled eggs.
• Nickel Blitz: Lenny Leonard
• Likes a mug of Duff, not quite sure how he works at the nuclear factory finishes in the top 3 so often, and wears a green shirt often (Celts).
• Chicago Ferrets: Carl Carlson
• His IQ is 214 (real stat on Wiki), he's got some Scandinavian heritage, and has a rare air of competence not ordinarily seen in Springfield.
• Neat Team: Groundskeeper Willie
• His team is a collection of untamed personalities (OBJ, AB, Marshawn); has got foreign roots and an accent.
• mangenius: Nelson Muntz
• Enjoys nothing more than a fantasy beatdown, and his QBs (Cam, Big Ben) are bruising bastards.
• smackycat: Ned Flanders
• That friendly but annoying neighbor who always does well, placing in 3 of the last 4 years. Stupid league-winning Flanders!
• Cash4Gould: Principal Skinner
• A good citizen of the league, and picking Le'Veon and Dez was the most "steamed hams" moment in league history.
• Doge Flutie: Krusty the Clown
• Amusement to cover up a lifetime of poor roster management and lack of league success.

And even though the RFO is never gonna win this year, they're trotting out another awful lineup just in case the unthinkable happens. Here are the unfortunate members of the band:

QB: Alex (The) Smiths - He's got a solid floor... but that's about it.
QB: Derek Gwar - One day, Atari Booper will catch another TD pass.
WR: Dede Westbrook - Flashed last week, and evidently Dede is the name of a pop duo.
WR: Pierre Garçon Garçon - Still waiting on this Kyle Gass Shanahan offense to show up....
RB: Javorius Allen Parsons Project - It's gonna be rainy, and usually I look for the ground game to benefit in that scenario.
RB: Alfred Morrissey - He's totally getting goal-line work to ruin my Ratt Breida pickup.
TE: Breaking Benjamin Watson - This will likely end in Failure.
W/T: Jay-Zay Jones - Maybe the Bills will score once this weekend?
W/R: Ito Sam Smith - Looked pretty impressive whenever he got the ball.
W/R: Alfred Blue Oyster Cult - Don't Fear the Sleeper.
K: Steely Dan Bailey - He's accurate, and he's back - let's Do It Again.
DEF: Houston Texas - Fun fact: the band Texas is from Scotland. Reminds me of this classic Naked Gun scene.

Lastly, I thought it was important to share this: https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/9i2i7q/boss_feel_the_beat/


RESULTS:
QB: Alex (The) Smiths - 16.8 pts
QB: Derek Gwar - 13.6 pts
WR: Dede Westbrook - 3.1 pts
WR: Pierre Garçon Garçon - 1.1 pts
RB: Javorius Allen Parsons Project -14.6 pts
RB: Alfred Morrissey - 12.7 pts
TE: Breaking Benjamin Watson - 7.1 pts
W/T: Jay-Zay Jones - 1.7 pts
W/R: Ito Sam Smith - 3.5 pts
W/R: Alfred Blue Oyster Cult - 1.7 pts
K: Steely Dan Bailey - 0 (lol Vikings)
DEF: Houston Texas - 4 pts
TOTAL: 79.9 pts