2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 12

Happy Dogegiving!

QB: Drumstick Mullens - A generous helping of TB D will fill the stat sheet.
QB: Nosh Allen - The Bills are back, baby.
WR: Pecan Brown - He'll be the recipient of 30 of 100 Ravens passing yards.
WR: Corn on the Cobb - I'm only picking him because it's Thanksgiving.
RB: De(-on) Lewcious - Sweaty Sac castoff will suddenly be a fantasy beast!
RB: Frank Corn - He's literally #4 on the all-time rushing list.
TE: Toothpick Vannett - Carolina randomly gives up the most TE points.
W/T: Dish Herndon - Pats to suffer from Hern burns.
W/R: Cape Codwin - So many Bucs passing yards to go around.
W/R: DeVante Pumpkin - Him or Kenny Chills is gonna go off... probably Chills.
K: Cake Elliott - Eagles are so mediocre, and I'm lovin' it.
DEF: Washington Turkeyskins - Scored 9 or more points in 5 of their last 6.

2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 11

Evidently an oddly shaped interstellar asteroid flew threw our solar system recently, called 'Oumuamua. It's 6x longer than it is wide, making it unlike any asteroid in our solar system (and it may actually be a comet).

What's most fascinating to me is that the object apparently displays "nongravitational acceleration." The prevailing notion is this is the cause of "outgassing" - a process whereby solar heat warms frozen gasses on the surface to provide a form of propulsion. This is not to be confused with the better known form of outgassing, which is when a person is running and gets extra propulsion from their own farts.

The alternate explanation is that this object is actually an alien probe sent from another star system to gather data on ours. This hypothesis is basically Star Trek IV but with a much less cranky probe - which is pretty sweet.

Whatever the case may be: we need to save the whales (especially humpbacks).

2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 10

I'm traveling for a wedding so an extra lazy RFO for this week.

QB: Pick Mullens - Let's see if last week's performance was for real; New Spork's D is totes bad.
QB: Josh Chosen - Gonna need to pass 100 times to keep up with the Beefs.
WR: Psych Williams - He'll have his one catch for a touchdown, and that's good enough for me.
WR: John Floss - Maybe this will be the one game where he justifies his draft position.
RB: Giovani Spurnard - Bengals will be playing from behind all day long.
RB: Lost In Ekeler - He randomly explodes from time to time.
TE: Benjamin Squatson - Bengals are giving up lost of points to TEs.
W/T: Jared Shook - Someone's gonna need to catch passes in Croakland.
W/R: Terrelle Friar - This is my super duper deep sleeper, hoping he replaces Sharkley at QB!
W/R: King Dedede Westbrook - Chortles is back from the bye and ready to lose his job.
K: Jason Squires - Jets offense is pretty bad - nothing but FGs.
DEF: Indianapolis Molts - Because Chortles.

2018 Roster Freak Out - Week 9

Wow, my dogers. Just wow. Another improbable victory for the RFO as I edged Cash4Gould, bringing my season record up to a robust 2-6. I'm in Chicago Ferrets territory now!

I know there's a big election coming up Tuesday (Vote.), but I need to bring your attention to startling international news: a Russian kid claims he lived on Mars and was reborn on Earth... and for some reason, there are people who aren't outright dismissing him. (Link 1 and 2)

"My parents enable me." - This kid, probably.

His parents think he's real special. He could talk, write, draw at early ages (probably just gibberish).
At 7, he first concocted a story that he lived on Mars a long time ago, and that they had incredible technology and wiped each other out in a nuclear war. Evidently he visited Earth before they all died, and Martians have ties to ancient Egyptian culture. Furthermore, there's a way to "open" the Sphinx if you locate something by its ear.

Evidently this kid is in his early 20's now, but I can't find any recent information about him. My hunch is that he is an "entrepreneur" with a now ironic mullet in Brooklyn.