2015 Roster Freak Out - Week 4

The third time was the charm as the RFO picked up a win last weekend. As I'm finishing this post, I'm realizing that we've got morning football thanks to the game in London. The Wembley series started in 2007 and was part of a 15-year goal to annually host games there and at the end of that period establish a team in London. It's an interesting story about the future of the league and the logistics of having a team on another continent, but I'm more interested in talking about the here and now.

The New York Jets are already dealing with their own logistical challenge with playing in London. No, I'm not talking about jet lag - I'm talking about poop. The BBC reported that the team brought 350 American-made toilet rolls with them to handle the challenges of defecation in the U.K.

Chris Ivory pensively ponders the possibility of using thin British TP.

I don't blame the Jets for taking every precaution. If NFL players represent the brawniest badasses of the USA, then you can be sure they're not going to have dainty European poops. They're going to test the structural integrity of Britain's plumbing infrastructure with massive American poops, and the last thing they need when they're on a one-way train to downtown brown town is flimsy British TP to handle the aftermath.

I just feel bad for the Dolphins, languishing with thin tissues that couldn't hope to handle turds from the likes of Ndamukong Suh, and the results speak for themselves as it looks like they'll lose in the scoreline, and in the locker room b-room.

QB: Brandon Heathen - A former Browns QB displaying a modicum of poise and efficiency? Witchcraft confirmed in Big D.
WR: Allen Ferns - If I interviewed him between two ferns, I would ask what was more disappointing for him: going undrafted or having to live in Jacksonville.
RB: Veggie Mush - Packers will turn the Niners into creamed corn early; the only things Kaepernick can do are run and check down to Bush.
TE: Moby Fleener - RFOs, they come together. RFOs, they fall apart... because of you Fleener!
W/T: Capillarry Donnell - If he doesn't give me 3 TDs like in Week 4 of last year I'll burst a blood vessel.
W/R: Malcom Freud - Haden should cover Allen, leaving Floyd with plenty of targets to impress his mom.
W/R: Marques Lolston - Even though he's fallen way off, he still gets consistent targets. Maybe, one day, he'll remember what touchdowns are.
K: Chandler "Settlers of" Catanzaro - Arizona's been putting up the victory points this year.
DEF: Cincinnati Jengas - Defense hasn't been toppled so far, and they're at home against the Chefs.

RESULTS:
QB: Brandon Heathen - 14.34 points
WR: Allen Ferns - 16.6 points
RB: Veggie Mush - 0.6 points
TE: Moby Fleener - 14.3 points
W/T: Capillarry Donnell - 3.8 points
W/R: Malcom Freud - 2 points
W/R: Marques Lolston - 1.9 points
K: Chandler "Settlers of" Catanzaro - 17 points
DEF: Cincinnati Jengas - 7 points
TOTAL: 77.54 points

Looks like another winning squad!