2015 Roster Freak Out - Week 2

I don't know if any of you watch a TV show about a group of ne'er-do-well fantasy football fanatics called "The League," but a news item (courtesy of the New York Times) came out that one of its stars, Steve Rannazzisi, lied about escaping the World Trade Center on 9/11.

It's a bizarre story that captivated, let's say, a few dozen people. His story was that, while working for Merrill Lynch on the 54th floor of the south tower, he was "jostled all over the place" when the north tower got hit, and he managed to get out of the south tower just before it was struck and got away to safety. The experience made him decide that life was too precious to waste opportunities, so he left his desk job and moved to LA with his girlfriend (now wife) to pursue a career in comedy.

Was your love of Buffalo Wild Wings also a lie??

Quite the inspirational tale, aside from it being horse plop. The fact is he was in mid-town Manhattan and never worked for Merrill Lynch. He would often use the story in interviews and speak elaborately about his experience and even having a recurring dreams where he's falling from the tower. Since 2001, his fame has steadily grown, from a random nobody in New York to now being an actor that plays a character who's the worst GM in an 8-team fantasy football league.

I, for one, am incensed about this terrible lie. Some of us have worked our tails off to be the world-famous worst GMs in our respective fantasy leagues, and I didn't concoct an elaborate scheme to get there. It came down to the blood, sweat, and mostly tears of terrible drafting, alienating my fellow GMs with crazy trade offers, and spastic waiver wire bids. You should be ashamed of yourself, Steve Rannazzizzissizisi!


Anyways, let's get back to the weekly freak out.

Football fans chortled as Blake Bortle'd the RFO's opening week, though far too many of my picks had underwhelming 2015 debuts.  I've decided that my picks last week lacked the whimsy that made them so successful last year, so it's back to creative nicknames for my selections. Enjoy.

QB: Nickelodeon Foles - staved off Double Dare slime with a great Week 1 and is capable of putting up nice fantasy lines - hoping for more with a matchup against the dumpster fire that is the Washington Redskins.
WR: Big Coal Beasley - his weekly drops induce more methane than CO2, but giving him a shot since he should get additional looks with Dez on the shelf.
RB: Alfred Blue Steel - he's barely a replacement-level back with the way he can't turn right, but have a hunch he'll get a goal-line TD.
TE: Coby Fleenex - Fleener was wiping away tears after just 1 target last week, but Jets solid secondary may necessitate greater use of Indy's TEs; hoping for a TD.
W/T: T.J. Maxx Williams - super sleeper pick of the week; clearance rack quality TE Crockett Gillmore couldn't create separation if his life depended on it, so Baltimore really needs to deploy their 2nd round draft pick more.
W/R: Michael Floyd Mayweather - targets have to improve, and squaring off against silly Bears D is Money.
W/R: Andrew McCutchen Hawkins - I think Manziel's going to do his best Rex Grossman impersonation and air it out this week. Hopefully he completes on one home run ball to this guy.
K: Zach Braff Hocker - Tampa looks like a bunch of Scrubs; hoping N'awlins scores every drive.
DEF: Pittsburgh - Carlos Hyde looked great, but SF has a one-dimensional offense and Pittsburgh looked pretty good against the run. They're also at home.


RESULTS:
QB: Nickelodeon Foles - 9.1 points
WR: Big Coal Beasley - 1.4 points
RB: Alfred Blue Steel - 1 point
TE: Coby Fleenex - 0
W/T: T.J. Maxx Williams - 0.8 points
W/R: Michael Floyd Mayweather - 0
W/R: Andrew McCutchen Hawkins - 4.3 points
K: Zach Braff Hocker - -1 point
DEF: Pittsburgh - 9 points
TOTAL: 24.6 points

Yikes. Bust out the Fleenex for this sob story of a team. I had low hanging fruit with Denis' 44.4-point effort but couldn't capitalize!