2015 Roster Freak Out - Week 1

Oh crap, I'm in 10th grade and it's chemistry class and there's a wicked hard exam I didn't know about and, oh crap, why am I at school in just my underwear?

Oh man, and I forgot how to use the Bunsen burner...

This is the recurring nightmare that is the premise of the Roster Freak Out. More accurately, I pretend that I've got a fantasy team where I never drafted anyone, and I've got to find random blokes in free agency in a frenzied effort to field a competitive team.

For every week I score higher than one of the UMassBaller teams, I score that a win. When I can't beat anyone, it's a loss. Pretty simple, right?

I will not hesitate to toot my own horn and mention that I went 11-3 last year before falling in the playoffs. For all those posts of past glory, click here.

And without further ado, here are the first picks of 2015.


I'm betting I get a loss this week, but I'm still confident I'll finish the year with a winning record. I've just got to wait for Parker to lose interest and stop setting his lineup.

QB: Blake Bortles - probably a terrible idea, but he actually looked decent in preseason.
WR: Nelson Agholor - in New Hampshire native Chip Kelly I trust.
RB: Benny Cunningham - could be the every-down back for the Ramz this week. Too bad it's against Seattle.
TE: Jordan Reed - Redskins very thin at TE, meaning Reed will be playing almost every down.
W/T: Malcom Floyd - Gates isn't playing, making Floyd the likely red zone target.
W/R: Marvin Jones - had double-digit TDs in 2013 and then missed all of last year.
W/R: Phillip Dorsett - this rook's got crazy wheels and just needs one catch to put up big points.
K: Sebastian Janikowski - Kick his ass, Se-Bas!
DEF: Minnesota - 49ers are going to make Bill Walsh spin in his grave with how terrible their offense will be.

 - RESULTS -

QB: Blake Bortles - 9.92 points
WR: Nelson Agholor - 0.5 points
RB: Benny Cunningham - 12.2 points
TE: Jordan Reed - 12.3 points
W/T: Malcom Floyd - 2.9 points
W/R: Marvin Jones - 1.9 points
W/R: Phillip Dorsett - 1.5 points (fumbled both of his receptions)
K: Sebastian Janikowski - 1 point
DEF: Minnesota - 7 points
TOTAL: 49.22 points

Yikes, terrible loss thanks to a bungling crew of wide receivers. Hoping for less futility next week!