The NFL season is underway, and I couldn't be happier after an off-season of paranoia as to why the Patriots win so much, and I dearly hope that we can finally move on from Deflate-gate, Headset-gate, Spy-gate Part Deux, and all the other gates to actually enjoy some football. Knowing ESPN's dearth of journalistic integrity, though, my expectations are low indeed.
 |
| I assume they'll issue that retraction about a decade from now like they did for Spy-gate. |
Despite my annual futility, it doesn't stop me from being an opinionated, blustering blowhard who thinks he knows football. Hey, I guess that qualifies me for a job at ESPN.
Let's kick off our season preview with a look at the draft's top steals and busts.
Top Steals, aka the Simon picks
This segment is in honor of Simon, long-time GM of Deals and Steals, who rarely actually picked steals but, because of that, is dearly missed. Gone but not forgotten my friend.
 |
| This discount grocery store's discontinued expired cereals inspired a fantasy football team. |
The Cowboys QB has been one of the most consistent gunslingers in the league (as far as regular season stats), and without a clear #1 running back following DeMarco Murray's departure, he likely will throw even more this season. He also helped organize a fantasy football convention in Vegas (that the NFL shut down), so I know he's got fantasy football owners' best interests in mind.
Honorable mentions: Matt Stafford - Farts are Funny - $3; Sam Bradford - Wheres McKelvey? - $3
WR: Steve Smith Sr. - NY Sack Exchange - $5
Steve Smith's 79 catches last year are more than any of the Ravens' other receivers have accumulated in their careers, so it's safe to say he's going to get a LOT of targets. Word of warning however: Smith's old, and his numbers tailed off considerably last year. He of ye olde stiff arm had 675 yards and 4 TDs in games 1-8, 390 yards and 2 TDs in games 9-16.
Honorable mentions: Julian Edelman - Nickel Blitz - $9; Amari Cooper - Cash4Gould - $11
RB: Ameer Abdullah - Bear Down - $10
Joique Bell has only missed 1 game over his 3-year career, but it seems like he was born with a "Questionable" tag. After Achilles and knee surgeries over the offseason and a 3.9 ypc over the past 2 years, it doesn't seem like he'll remain the feature back for long. Meanwhile, Abdullah has flashed big play ability and 3-down versatility.
Honorable mentions: Isaiah Crowell - Chicago Ferrets - $6; Darren McFadden - mangenius - $3
TE: Delanie Walker - Chicago Ferrets- $4
The Titans had terribly uneven QB play last season, but somehow Walker achieved a career high in yards (890) to go along with 4 TDs. With the Titans fully invested in Marcus Mariota, a rookie QB who could rely heavily on check-downs and short passes, Delanie may be poised to surpass his career highs.
Honorable mentions: Travis Kelce - Forte Shades of Jay - $16; Owen Daniels - NY Sack Exchange - $1
Top Busts, aka the Merrill Hoge Picks
I could have picked any number of ESPN analysts, but especially when Hoge talks football, viewers need to be tested for concussion symptoms due to sudden loss of brain cells.
 |
| Take a look at the evolution of Hoge's tie knot. |
It's not that Big Ben is that bad of a QB, but he's not $19 good. Peyton Manning and Drew Brees went for similar amounts and are regularly higher scoring than this alleged rapist. I believe this was an auto-draft selection, so he'll serve as an expensive back-up to Aaron Rodgers.
Dishonorable mentions: Matt Ryan - Cash4Gould - $12; Colin Kaepernick - NY Sack Exchange- $1 (he's worth $0)
WR: Randall Cobb - Cash4Gould - $42
I get how he'll get some nice volume with Jordy Nelson on the shelf, but he's not exactly Mr. Durability. He missed 10 games in 2013, and he's already dealing with a shoulder issue this season. This is a total hunch that he hits IR at some point.
Dishonorable mentions: Calvin Johnson - Doge Flutie - $46; Jeremy Maclin - Bear Down - $17 (Alex Smith's noodle arm)
RB: LeSean McCoy - Doge Flutie - $45
I have yet to spend more than $25 on a RB that hasn't busted, and Shady could easily keep the streak alive. New Bills coach Rex Ryan said that he has the most running plays "in the history of man," which means that McCoy will either finish with an NFL record for yards, or more than likely suffer a major injury and bust. He's already got a hamstring issue, so off to a GREAT start.
Dishonorable mentions: Joseph Randle - Nickel Blitz - $22; Melvin Gordon - Cash4Gould - $27
TE: Greg Olsen - Nickel Blitz - $24
Olsen is certainly one of the better TE's in the game for fantasy, but with Kelvin Benjamin out for the year and no viable receivers on the roster, can he be the focal point of the passing game? I don't see him beating double-teams the way Gronk can... I'd peg him more as a $10-15 value.
Dishonorable mentions: Rob Gronkowski - Wheres McKelvey - $58 (injury risk); Jimmy Graham - Farts are Funny - $29 (lower volume passing game)
Odds 'n Ends
- mangenius did NOT select Chris Johnson. I'm still hoping he picks him up off free agency so that my world can once again make sense.
- Forte Shades of Jay did NOT select Odell Beckham Jr., meaning that Holiday Inn revoked their sponsorship, causing a change in team name. For shame.
- Doge Flutie will NOT be making a trade prior to Week 1, ending a 3 season streak. I've decided not to spaz and see how my team plays the first week or two.
- HERE COMES THE BOOM spent the largest amount for an individual player for the 5th consecutive year. That player was Jamaal Charles for $69; last year, he made Jamaal the most expensive player for a mere $66.
Too Early Power Rankings
- Chicago Ferrets
- He's got Adrian Peterson and 2 WR1's, plus an underrated TE. If he gets one more solid flex and selects the right QB each week, he'll be tough to beat.
- Neat Team
- Two RB1's and solid players in his other lineup slots, plus a top-5 defense, Denis will likely have one of the top teams again this year.
- HERE COMES THE BOOM
- Peyton, Jamaal and Dez are a solid Big 3, and I'm highly intrigued by Forsett in a Marc Trestman offense.
- NY Sack Exchange
- Very deep at RB, especially when Foster comes back. Could use an upgrade at WR, but Davante Adams and Steve Smith Sr. are good value picks.
- Forte Shades of Jay
- Has got arguably the best QB and his boi Forte. Biggest question marks will be Tevin Coleman's effectiveness and how much the Colts will use/preserve Frank Gore.
- Wheres McKelvey
- This team is Gronking from the get-go, but this team feels light on RBs until Gurley finally debuts. Could be tough to beat down the stretch, assuming Parker sets his lineup.
- mangenius
- J-Mac's fate is tied to the Green Bay offense, which isn't a bad thing. The RB situation behind Lacy is shaky, but between Blount, Freeman and DMC, you'd think someone would be productive.
- Farts are Funny
- Been noticing a strategy of selecting top WR's for the past couple years. Light on RB, but don't count out the former back-to-back champ.
- Cash4Gould
- Lineup doesn't immediately wow, but it will be a force soon when Le'Veon Bell is back.
- Bear Down
- Nickel Blitz
- I've got questions about his RBs; Alfred Morris has gotten gradually worse each year, and Randle and Ellington are not reliable entities yet. Other pieces are very good; particularly intrigued by HOU defense.
- Doge Flutie
- I see bust candidates littered throughout this roster with only Duke Johnson Jr. as a possible saving grace. What a terrible GM...
No comments:
Post a Comment