2015 Roster Freak Out - Week 3

Unfortunately I don't have much time to think up and compose an interesting article this week since I've got family visiting, but I've still got to cobble together another squad of rejects and I don't take that obligation lightly. Hopefully I can finally find the win column, but at present the RFO is stumbling about as blind as a newborn panda.

2015 Roster Freak Out - Week 2

I don't know if any of you watch a TV show about a group of ne'er-do-well fantasy football fanatics called "The League," but a news item (courtesy of the New York Times) came out that one of its stars, Steve Rannazzisi, lied about escaping the World Trade Center on 9/11.

It's a bizarre story that captivated, let's say, a few dozen people. His story was that, while working for Merrill Lynch on the 54th floor of the south tower, he was "jostled all over the place" when the north tower got hit, and he managed to get out of the south tower just before it was struck and got away to safety. The experience made him decide that life was too precious to waste opportunities, so he left his desk job and moved to LA with his girlfriend (now wife) to pursue a career in comedy.

Was your love of Buffalo Wild Wings also a lie??

Quite the inspirational tale, aside from it being horse plop. The fact is he was in mid-town Manhattan and never worked for Merrill Lynch. He would often use the story in interviews and speak elaborately about his experience and even having a recurring dreams where he's falling from the tower. Since 2001, his fame has steadily grown, from a random nobody in New York to now being an actor that plays a character who's the worst GM in an 8-team fantasy football league.

I, for one, am incensed about this terrible lie. Some of us have worked our tails off to be the world-famous worst GMs in our respective fantasy leagues, and I didn't concoct an elaborate scheme to get there. It came down to the blood, sweat, and mostly tears of terrible drafting, alienating my fellow GMs with crazy trade offers, and spastic waiver wire bids. You should be ashamed of yourself, Steve Rannazzizzissizisi!

The 2015 UMassBallers Season Preview

The NFL season is underway, and I couldn't be happier after an off-season of paranoia as to why the Patriots win so much, and I dearly hope that we can finally move on from Deflate-gate, Headset-gate, Spy-gate Part Deux, and all the other gates to actually enjoy some football. Knowing ESPN's dearth of journalistic integrity, though, my expectations are low indeed.

I assume they'll issue that retraction about a decade from now like they did for Spy-gate.

At least UMassBallers have something good to look forward to every season. Something reassuring. Something pure. I'm talking about that joy that comes with guaranteed triumph over Serious Cat/Doge Flutie, season after season. You're welcome, everyone.

Despite my annual futility, it doesn't stop me from being an opinionated, blustering blowhard who thinks he knows football. Hey, I guess that qualifies me for a job at ESPN.

2015 Roster Freak Out - Week 1

Oh crap, I'm in 10th grade and it's chemistry class and there's a wicked hard exam I didn't know about and, oh crap, why am I at school in just my underwear?

Oh man, and I forgot how to use the Bunsen burner...

This is the recurring nightmare that is the premise of the Roster Freak Out. More accurately, I pretend that I've got a fantasy team where I never drafted anyone, and I've got to find random blokes in free agency in a frenzied effort to field a competitive team.

For every week I score higher than one of the UMassBaller teams, I score that a win. When I can't beat anyone, it's a loss. Pretty simple, right?

I will not hesitate to toot my own horn and mention that I went 11-3 last year before falling in the playoffs. For all those posts of past glory, click here.

And without further ado, here are the first picks of 2015.