Revisionist History: The 2011 TDZ Emmy Awards

I'm going to make a brief departure from the sports world. I'm going to ignore such topics as the Red Sox's inability to win a freaking game, or the early demise of my fantasy football team thanks to a torn ACL for Jamaal Charles. Instead of acknowledging such cruel realities, I've chosen to avoid my first world problems altogether and escape as so many do into the wonderful world of TV.

They just don't make TV shows like they used to.

The 2011 Emmy Awards were held this past Sunday, and I'm going to wield my considerable powers of analysis/highfalutin opinions on the subject to crown my own winners of the small screen. Here's a sneak preview: Two and a Half Men is not "winning."



The first revision I'm making to the Emmy awards is length. I only care about half of the categories. Reality programming awards, really?

On to the fake awards...

Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

• Laura Linney, The Big C
• Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
• Amy Poehler, Parks & Recreation - *TDZ Winner*
• Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly - *actual winner*
• Martha Plimpton, Raising Hope
• Tina Fey, 30 Rock

This is a close call for two competitors, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. One plays an uber-competent parks department employee, the other a self-deprecating variety show writer. I give the slight edge to Amy for playing the more ridiculous character, plus Tina Fey's whole "dating men is so hard for me" angle seems kind of forced.

Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

• Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
• Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory - *TDZ Winner - and actual winner*
• Steve Carell, The Office
• Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
• Louis C.K., Louie
• Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Let's just take a quick timeout to realize that Matt LeBlanc is on TV again. I had no idea. Moving on... it wasn't hard for me to pass up Steve Carell, given how tame Michael Scott became in his final season. Alec Baldwin is consistently hilarious, but he's a runner-up to Jim Parsons, who delivers some amazing punchlines that are really difficult to pull off, given the setup and vocabulary required to execute them. I haven't heard anyone else make a good "Occam's Razor" joke in my life.

"WHEATON!!!!!"

Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

• Jane Lynch, Glee
• Betty White, Hot in Cleveland
• Julie Bowen, Modern Family - *actual winner*
• Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live - *TDZ Winner*
• Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
• Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

I've had a major crush on Sofia Vergara for years, but then again the same could be said of Betty White, so that really splits the hotness vote. I ultimately go with Kristen Wiig here for her versatility on SNL, and she's worked her way onto the big screen with her comedy skills.

Typical response to a TDZ Emmy: part surprise, part horror.

Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

• Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
• Chris Colfer, Glee
• Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
• Ed O'Neill, Modern Family
• Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
• Ty Burrell, Modern Family - *actual winner*

Good grief, 4 noms for Modern Family? The gay guys are rather amusing, but, on the whole, none of these guys are making me guffaw as much as they should for an Emmy. Thus, I'm giving the TDZ award to Nick Offerman for his portrayal of Ron Swanson in Parks & Recreation. No other character combines libertarianism, woodworking, and an epic mustache with such comedic brilliance. He just edges out fellow cast member Aziz Ansari and Ed Helms from The Office on my imaginary ballot.

It's a turkey leg wrapped in bacon, a.k.a. a "Swanson."

Best Comedy Series

• Glee
• Parks & Recreation
• The Office
• Modern Family - *actual winner*
• 30 Rock
• The Big Bang Theory - *TDZ Winner*

Though there are a lot of solid comedies here, I can easily rank these in order of how much they make me laugh. The Big Bang Theory wins that battle on the strength of Sheldon Cooper alone, though Howard and Raj's shenanigans should not go unappreciated. TBBT is followed by P&R and a tie between 30 Rock and The Office. Modern Family isn't bad, but not really my style, and it seems like Glee's only joke is that Jane Lynch is tall and grumpy.

Lead Actress in a Drama Series

• Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
• Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
• Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order SVU
• Mireille Enos, The Killing
• Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife *TDZ Winner - and actual winner*
• Kathy Bates, Harry's Law

I'm only familiar with Moss's role as Peggy Olsen in Mad Men, so I was initially inclined to give the award to her, but so many people are gaga for Julianna in The Good Wife - including my mom - that I couldn't go against the majority on this one. Plus my mom's right about practically everything.

I believe she's forging a diamond in those clenched hands.

Lead Actor in a Drama Series

• Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
• Michael C. Hall, Dexter
• Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights - *actual winner*
• Jon Hamm, Mad Men
• Hugh Laurie, House
• Timothy Olyphant, Justified

There are some admittedly solid performers here, my favorites being Hall and Hamm, but neither of their characters were quite as compelling as in past years. For that reason I'm going with Bryan Cranston who plays chemist/dad/meth manufacturer Walter White in the series Breaking Bad. Being caught between noble intentions and the lure of money/supreme evil is a role I never get tired of watching.

Fun fact about Breaking Bad: Cranston ends up pants-less at least once each season for no good reason.

Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

• Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
• Christina Hendricks, Mad Men - *TDZ Winner*
• Michelle Forbes, The Killing
• Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
• Margo Martindale, Justified - *actual winner*
• Christine Baranski, The Good Wife

Margo's a good actress, but she comes across as sort of a trendy choice here. I'm going with Christina Hendricks, partly for her role on Mad Men, partly because of her duplicitous character on Firefly. And partly because I can't say no to her curves.

Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

• John Slattery, Mad Men
• Andre Braugher, Men of a Certain Age
• Walton Goggins, Justified
• Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones - *TDZ Winner - and actual winner*
• Josh Charles, The Good Wife
• Alan Cumming, The Good Wife

The voters got it right on this one. Love Slattery as Roger Sterling, and I was a fan of Walton Goggins since his days on The Shield, but Dinklage portrayed the most amusing and interesting character of this bunch. Sleeping with wenches across Westeros and engaging in witty banter is a tough job, but someone's got to do it.

Gaze upon my furrowed brow and dare to tell me I'm not witty!

Best Drama Series

• Boardwalk Empire
• The Good Wife
• Mad Men - *actual winner*
• Friday Night Lights
• Dexter
• Game of Thrones - *TDZ Winner*

I'm a big fan of a few of these shows, notably Mad Men and Dexter, but those two shows just aren't as interesting as Game of Thrones. GoT is really a different animal - perhaps even a manimal - compared to everything else on TV, and that deserves appreciation beyond the solid acting that each of these shows possess.

Enjoy premiere week everybody!