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| Reppin' that NCC-1701D, baby. |
Without further ado, here's the legendary Enterprise crew and their Beantown doppelgangers.
| Chief Petty Officer Miles O'Brien | Bobby Doerr |
 | So Bobby Doerr might not be the most Irish selection I could've made (seriously considered Troy O'Leary here) but the transporter chief has a lot in common with this great second baseman. Both were incredibly reliable. Doerr was a 9x All-Star, regularly hit .290+, and held the career record for double plays turned when he retired despite playing only 14 seasons. O'Brien also had a somewhat shorter career - he was on the Enterprise for 6 of TNG's 7 seasons - and his service record was equally consistent. He was literally always able to execute difficult transports, so much so that whenever there was a transporter scene and he wasn't there, it was blatantly obvious that something was going to go wrong due to his absence. Moreover, O'Brien was an "everyman" kind of character, and Doerr is recalled by many baseball historians as a down-to-earth guy who played hard and had no enemies. Sounds like our guy Miles. |
| Ship's Counselor Deanna Troi | Johnny Pesky |
 | Part of me hates to do this to any Red Sox player as Troi is the antithesis of masculinity, but there is one player who shares some similarities to the counselor: the man known as "Mr. Red Sox." If anyone embodies the heart and soul of the franchise, it's Johnny Pesky. As a player, Pesky was a contact hitter, leading the league in hits three times while accumulating only 17 home runs in ten seasons. He was also very difficult to strike out. Perhaps there were some limited telepathic abilities there... sensing a pitcher's thoughts could help with guessing pitches, just sayin'. Following his playing career, Pesky spent another 50 years working for the Red Sox, most of that time as a "special instructor" and assistant to the GM, a title that sounds about as made up as "Ship's Counselor." To this day, the 91 year old Pesky enjoys suiting up for games, showing a devotion to his team that is exceedingly rare in the business of pro sports. |
| Chief Medical Officer Beverly Crusher | Dom DiMaggio |
 | I feel bad for this one as well, since matching any player to the estrogen-fueled Doctor Crusher has got to be weird, but I think "The Little Professor" is a rather fitting match. For starters, his nickname denotes that he's also a doctor of sorts: a hit doctor. Like Pesky, he was a contact hitter with suitably little power for a female doppelganger. For his career he holds a career BA of .298 and was an All-Star in 7 of his 10 full seasons. His nickname and studious spectacles suggest a kindred spirit for the nerdy doctor of the Enterprise. He was also great friends with Pesky, much as Crusher and Troi were besties. I can't say if they engaged in weird pregame stretching routines though. |
| Ensign Wesley Crusher | Tony Conigliaro |
 | The Revere, MA native debuted with the Red Sox in 1964 at the tender age of 19. He quickly endeared himself to the home fans, hammering 24 home runs for his rookie year, and in his sophomore season he mashed 32, becoming the youngest home run champ in AL history. In 1967, he reached 100 home runs at just 22 years of age. That same year, however, tragedy struck. An errant pitch hit his left eye, damaging his vision and basically ending a very promising career. The Boston wunderkind was taken away from the fans too soon, just as Wesley Crusher wasn't taken away from the fans soon enough. |
| Chief Engineer Geordi La Forge | Carlton Fisk |
 | The original Pudge did just that. The pride of Charlestown, NH won the AL Rookie of the Year award by unanimous vote in 1972 as Fisk manned home plate for the Sox for a decade. No moment was more memorable than Fisk's home run off the left field foul pole against the Reds in Game 6 of the 1975 World Series. The guy basically revolutionized televised home run celebrations, just like Geordi revolutionized dilithium crystal alignment. Don't act like you're not impressed. |
| Chief Security Officer Worf | Jim Rice |
 | Just as Worf rarely gave more than single-word responses, Rice wasn't particularly chatty with the media, ironically joining the crew of NESN as his post-playing career. Both stand 6'2 with strong builds, Worf wielding a Klingon batleth, Rice swinging an almost equally lethal Louisville Slugger. In fact, "Jim Ed" looks eerily similar to Worf, minus the ridges and big Klingon hair. I'll chalk that up to being closer to the ridge-challenged TOS-era generation. Lastly, I never had a chance to see him play, but I can only assume he yelled "Death to the enemy!" whenever he swung his bat. |
| Second Officer Data | Ted Williams |
 | This may be the first controversial selection in this casting call, but Teddy Ballgame has a remarkable number of similarities with this android. For one, they have abilities that exceed normal human parameters. Despite a slender frame, The Kid had a career slugging percentage well north of .600, while Data also possessed superhuman strength. Perhaps Ted's biggest strength, however, was his precision. He was able to monitor the strike zone with remarkable clarity, never swinging at a bad pitch, and every Red Sox fan can tell you that he routinely ran diagnostics on his swing by performing 100 swings a day in front of a mirror. His performance was so consistent it approached the robotic. The similarities don't end there. Data's social foibles are widely known and hilarious, while Teddy Ballgame's were of a different sort. He frequently struggled to have any kind of relationship with the media or fans, and was known as being highly temperamental, an admitted departure from the android. However, both of them have had their heads removed at some point, and like Data, The Splendid Splinter may outlive us all. |
| First Officer William Riker | Wade Boggs |
 | Just as William T. Riker made an instant splash by performing a manual docking of the saucer and stardrive sections, Wade A. Boggs quickly became the best player on the Red Sox in his debut, hitting .349 in his rookie year. A versatile officer, Riker was comfortable leading away missions and commanding the Enterprise, whether in offensive or defensive circumstances. Meanwhile, Boggs was equally skilled with both the glove and the bat, leading the team in WAR for 7 straight years. Beyond mere performance, they share traits such as their love of the ladies. Wade fell under media scrutiny for his affair with one Margo Adams, who tried to sue him for $12 million following their break-up. Riker was smarter, spending his vacations on the guilt-free planet of Risa while never sticking around long on away missions to get too close to the local babes. Another obvious connection is their facial hair tendencies, and you can't help but get the sense that they're both dicks. |
| Captain Jean-Luc Picard | Carl Yastrzemski |
 | What else can you say about the greatest captain in Starfleet history? He conducted First Contact with no fewer than 27 alien species, defended humanity against the Q continuum, was assimilated by the Borg only to return and kick their ass, stymied numerous Romulan attempts at Federation upheaval, and is the embodiment of the ideals of Starfleet. The adulation of his fans speaks for itself. Yaz's 23 year career with the Red Sox is just as prolific and honorable. Over 3,000 hits, 18 times an All-Star, a 7 time Gold Glove winner, and the last Triple Crown winner in baseball, his talents were both considerable and well-rounded. He may not have been the most naturally talented player to ever play for the Red Sox, but his passion, effort, and devotion to his team (that has continued to the present) made him one of the best players to ever wear the uniform. For over two decades he was an ambassador of the Red Sox, just as Picard was an ambassador of the Federation. This quote about Picard could apply almost equally to Yaz as well: "I've never known anyone with more drive, determination, or more courage than Jean-Luc Picard."I can only assume that Yaz hated kids, too. |
There's the casting call for the crew, but I haven't even gotten to the secondary characters yet. That's right, even more TNG casting decisions ahead: engage.
| Guinan | Joe Cronin |
 | She's wise, she's been around the galaxy a few times, and she's freaking old. Change "galaxy" to "league" and you've basically described Joe Cronin. An old-timer who played for the Sox from 1935-1945, he was a rather bad-ass shortstop with a career .301 BA and enshrinement in the MLB Hall of Fame. What really relates him to Guinan, however, was his tenure as player-manager for every year he was with the Red Sox, a very cool dual role that we never see anymore. Clearly a rare and wise being. |
| Doctor Katherine Pulaski | Fred Lynn |
 | Fred Lynn had arguably the best rookie year in Red Sox history, earning Rookie of the Year, MVP and a Gold Glove all in the same year, so expectations of him were sky-high early on. Similarly, Dr. Pulaski came aboard the Enterprise with a stellar service record and high expectations from the Captain and crew. Both kept on shooting themselves in the foot. Lynn played with a devil-may-care style in the outfield which caused injury, while Pulaski also did herself no favors by butting heads with Picard. Aside from self-induced misery, Lynn often had annoying strains and sprains holding him back, while Pulaski's lines frequently annoyed the hell out of me. Eventually, both got what they wanted by transferring to other locales (Lynn to his home state of California, Pulaski to ... who cares). |
| Chief of Security Tasha Yar | Smoky Joe Wood |
 | Tasha Yar - not to be confused with a younger Hillary Rodham Clinton - died rather unceremoniously in Season 1 of TNG. While not a particularly memorable (or even likable) character, she showed flashes of bad-assery in her short time on the Enterprise. Smoky Joe Wood is a similar story. Often not recalled by most Red Sox fans, Wood was for a very brief time (1912) the most dominant pitcher in the game, winning 16 straight games en route to a 34-5 record, 1.91 ERA and 258 Ks. Said Walter Johnson, one of the hardest throwers in the game: "Can I throw harder than Joe Wood? Listen mister, no man alive can throw harder than Smoky Joe Wood." Due to a freak injury, Wood lost his ability to pitch and disappeared for several years after 1915. He then made an improbable comeback as a position player, which is almost as surprising as Tasha Yar reappearing (in a way) as her Romulan offspring. |
| Lore | Roger Clemens |
 | The Rocket was one hell of a dangerous player, but who liked him? Nobody. He never endeared himself to his teammates, the fans, and his record is now tainted by testimony against him regarding PEDs. Data's brother, Lore, was similarly dangerous, causing mass havoc aboard the Enterprise and on other worlds. He was also only out for himself, so self-aware of his own abilities and superiority that he only made enemies. Lore assaulted biological life-forms, while Clemens assaulted the record books, by whatever means at his disposal. |
| Q | Pedro Martinez |
 | Q is a virtually all-powerful entity that does whatever the hell he wants. Pedro fits this profile in so many ways. His "stuff" was the best I have ever seen and likely will ever see, hurling the ball with wizard-like ability. Q's ability to snap his fingers and make anything happen mystifies all mortals, and Pedro's skill at snapping off pitches similarly seemed like magic to me at times. Try to digest this fact: #45's WHIP in 2000 was .74. Not only did this break Walter Johnson's record, but also the pre-MLB mark of .77 held in the 1800s. Nevermind the fact that he pitched in a hitter-friendly park with the DH rule during the greatest offensive period in baseball history (*cough* roids). His ERA+ is the highest for any starter in MLB history, and I will argue to the death that he's the greatest pitcher that ever lived. In terms of doing what he wants, Petey is notable for quite a few quirky moments over his career. He was regularly in the hunt for leading the league in hit batters, despite having excellent control of all his pitches. Such actions caused a stir at times, including a "I don’t believe in damn curses. Wake up the damn Bambino and have me face him. Maybe I’ll drill him in the ass."Entertaining, uber-talented, occasionally wrathful, dangerous, Pedro's skills definitely compare favorably to those of Q. |
Let me know if I left anyone out!
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