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| It's back and less smash-mouth than ever! |
Redskins not on roll, gather moss - Santana Moss re-signs with the Washington Redskins for 3 years
- The 32 year old had a pretty nice year with a career high 93 receptions, but since the Redskins intend to have John Beck or Rex Grossman starting at QB, his value is somewhere between WR3 and free agent scraps.
Gettin' Thiggy with it - Tyler Thigpen signs 3 year deal with the Buffalo Bills
- T-squared is possibly the most unjustifiably self-confident athlete I've ever heard. His fantasy value is low since Ryan Fitzpatrick has the starting gig.
Matt Hasselbeck signs with the Tennessee Titans, fills void of "old as time QB" left by Kerry Collins
- Hasselbeck leaves a boring offense that couldn't utilize Deion Branch and joins an exciting Titans offense that includes playmakers Chris Johnson and Kenny Britt. Hasselbeck should take the reins this year as Jake Locker is likely a year away from NFL effectiveness, so he could be a decent end-of-draft value buy if you forgot to draft a QB.
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| Nothing like being welcomed to your new team with a smile. |
Not gonna jet - Santonio Holmes re-signs with Gang Green
- While I'm wary about the reliability of any receiver that depends on Mark Sanchez for production, Holmes will likely be a primary target in New York as there are rumors that Braylon Edwards and Brad Smith will leave. As the roster stands now, Holmes is a WR1/WR2 hybrid with WR1 potential assuming Cotchery and Keller are his only competition for looks.
Tarvaris Jackson secures Seattle starting gig with career QB rating of 76.6
- I guess when you still can't quite get over the loss of a somewhat mobile QB like Seneca Wallace, you go for the next best mediocre thing: T-Jax. I can't imagine anyone drafting him for their team, but I'd like to be entertainingly proven wrong. This makes Mike Williams nearly undraftable as well, and I doubt Seattle's running game will amount to anything. This team is my prediction for worst team in the NFL already.
"If anybody asks you if in you in this game, you tell 'em you in it for life, a'ight?" - DeAngelo Williams to return to Carolina
- Misanthropy will reign around many fantasy drafts as DeAngelo's role is uncertain heading into next year. I expect the carries will be close to an even split with Jonathan Stewart, but injury history makes matters more complicated. I imagine Williams projects to a RB2/Bench option in most drafts, but his career 5 YPC hints that he has the potential to be a RB1 again if circumstances change in his favor.
- While I'm wary about the reliability of any receiver that depends on Mark Sanchez for production, Holmes will likely be a primary target in New York as there are rumors that Braylon Edwards and Brad Smith will leave. As the roster stands now, Holmes is a WR1/WR2 hybrid with WR1 potential assuming Cotchery and Keller are his only competition for looks.
Tarvaris Jackson secures Seattle starting gig with career QB rating of 76.6
- I guess when you still can't quite get over the loss of a somewhat mobile QB like Seneca Wallace, you go for the next best mediocre thing: T-Jax. I can't imagine anyone drafting him for their team, but I'd like to be entertainingly proven wrong. This makes Mike Williams nearly undraftable as well, and I doubt Seattle's running game will amount to anything. This team is my prediction for worst team in the NFL already.
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| Seattle wants to know. |
- Misanthropy will reign around many fantasy drafts as DeAngelo's role is uncertain heading into next year. I expect the carries will be close to an even split with Jonathan Stewart, but injury history makes matters more complicated. I imagine Williams projects to a RB2/Bench option in most drafts, but his career 5 YPC hints that he has the potential to be a RB1 again if circumstances change in his favor.
Chasing rings - Sidney Rice follows Tarvaris Jackson to the Emerald Hill Zone
- Just as no cultural reference is too obscure or awful for use in TDZ, no Vikings player will go unused in Seattle's offense next year. Seahawks O.C. Darrell Bevell evidently is the former O.C. of the Vikings, and he's taking whatever personnel he can get from his old team. Unless they sign someone else as their starting QB though, Rice's considerable talents will go to waste, making him more of a WR2 than the WR1 you'd expect he could be.
Redskins trade Donovan McNabb to the Vikings for 6th rounders in '12 and '13 (conditional) in rare salary reduction move
- McNabb's days in the nation's capital were numbered ever since that infamous day when Lucifer Shanahan & Son pulled him in favor of Rex Grossman. Some people may not think highly of McNabb anymore, but I think he'll be fairly productive in the Twin Cities. Assuming he stays healthy, he's a lock for 3,000 yards, and historically, with the exception of last year, he's rather efficient in terms of TDs:INTs. It should be interesting to see who the Vikes get to replace Rice.
Albert Haynesworth to the Patriots for a 5th rounder - Bill Belichick to lay down the law
- Fat Albert has had his issues since signing a 9-figure deal with the Redskins, no one can deny that, but if he'll ever turn his career around, it'll be as an end in Belichick's 3-4. The move is low risk for the Patriots as they'll only have to pay up to $5.4 million. There are a lot of "ifs" regarding the fantasy ramifications of this deal, but an improving Pats DEF could become a must-own if he pans out.
Bustin' out - Miami Dolphins trade for Reggie Bush
- This likely spells the end for Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams. Sorry, there's only room for one Heisman winner by way of New Orleans on this Dolphins team! Oh wait, Bush technically isn't a Heisman winner anymore. Bush has become anathema to all fantasy GMs after years of injuries and dashed hopes. If there's a coach out there who can think of creative ways to make Bush effective, it's Sparano, but I'm more interested in rookie Daniel Thomas. I consider Bush worthy of a bench spot (on someone else's team), but that's it.
Nothing like corn on the Kolb in the summer time - Kevin Kolb traded to Arizona for Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie
- "2K Sports" will likely take over the starting role out in the desert, unless the Cards feel like giving 'Max Interceptions' Hall another go-round. I'm not a fan of Kolb. I think his stats were a bit inflated due to the Eagles running a variety of packages that limited his weaknesses (long passes). If you don't believe me, look at DeSean Jackson's stats for weeks 4-7, which are the ones Kolb started. But you could probably already tell that he's somewhat mediocre, given his career QB rating of 73.2. I think this will be somewhat of an improvement for Larry Fitzgerald, but the real winner in my mind is Tim Hightower, who will be on the receiving end of one dump pass after another. On the flip side, the Eagles get some good value for their backup.
Cam's Carolina combo - Panthers trade for Greg Olsen, Steve Smith staying put
- The Panthers' passing attack is crystallizing now as Olsen and Smith will be running routes for Cam Newton. Smith is a complete football player who contributes to numerous facets of the game, from receiving to blocking to special teams if necessary. From an outsider's perspective he seems to be the heart of the team. In fantasy terms, both of these guys are wild cards, but I'm generally not a fan of mobile college QBs. Newton smacks a bit of Vince Young, so I'd consider Smith a WR3 and Olsen a spot start TE for a bye week.
"Hey, Aaron, I'm your new teammate, Chad. I'm gonna need that number." - Chad Ochocinco traded to the Patriots
- In another blockbuster, the Pats pick up one half of the T.Ocho. show. I had heard over the last couple years that Belichick was a great admirer of Chad, so I'm excited to see how he uses him. I'm predicting right now that Chad kicks at least 1 field goal or extra point this year. If he can stay healthy the entire year, he has WR1 potential, but stats for recent years aren't super encouraging, plus there are a lot of other receivers in New England who figure to get a lot of catches (Welker, Branch) and goal line looks (Gronkowski).
Running man - Vince Young scrambles to Philadelphia
- VY10 is bringing his Wonderlic-ious talents to Philly. Though comparisons will be made between him and Mike Vick, both on and off the field, Vick's problems seemed to stem from his background, whereas Young's are rooted in how he's an idiot. From a strategic standpoint though, I understand the convenience factor here for the Eagles: reports are that the deal is for 1 year, and given a similar skill set to Vick, the offense wouldn't have to change should Vick go down. Fantasy-wise, Young has rarely been relevant, and that likely won't change, but I'm intrigued to see how he does on a new team.
No fly zone - Eagles snatch shutdown corner Nnamdi Asomugha from the Jets, other suitors
- It seems like every offseason I hear about the Eagles signing a top tier corner, like Asante Samuel. This year was no different as the Eagles landed Asomugha. Should the Eagles keep Samuel, they'd be a tough defense to pass against, making them must-own for those delicious 3-point INTs. I would sit most wide receivers against that tandem, but I would love to have the tight end in that match-up, because he's going to get a whole lot more looks. As a Pats homer, I'm freaking ecstatic we don't have to deal with Nnamdi on top of Darrelle Revis.
Mind if I drop in? - Roy Williams signs with the Chicago Bears
Former Lion Roy Williams has been reunited with his old coach Mike Martz following a release from the Cowboys. Roy's a physically gifted receiver, if you're not counting the clumsy slabs of granite he calls hands. Becoming the main guy (perhaps) will make him fantasy relevant though, especially in Martz's pass-happy offense. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I consider Roy a potential WR2 this year.
Matt Moore to the Dolphins - a K.O. to Dolphins fans everywhere?
I don't believe the media is reporting this, but I've heard reports that Matt Moore may be the guy in Miami. Does this signing necessarily mean that they're done courting Kyle Orton? Dolphins fans are incredulous, too. I find that hard to believe, but if Miami is rolling with Moore and Henne Pasta, then I just got a whole lot less enthusiastic about the Dolphins offense. Moore was good in limited action in 2009, but other than that his career's like an episode of Cribs featuring Oscar the Grouch: rubbish.
Mike Sims-Walker jumps really high... to St. Louis
- The Sims:real life::Sims-Walker:good receiver - an entertaining imitation. Over the past couple years, Sims-Walker has made some highlight reel catches, but he lacks the consistency to be a true top receiver. Sam Bradford could provide a bump if last year's performance was any indication, but my enthusiasm for his fantasy prospects is muted.
Jets loading their gun - Plaxico Burress to play for the other New York team
- If there's one takeaway from this NFL offseason, it's that Rex Ryan is not shying away from WRs with personal issues. After 20 months in jail, Burress is returning to the NFL. I was surprised to learn that he's already 34, but even if he's lost a step, he's still a tall target in the red zone. Holmes of course will be the more reliable pick, but if you want to play Russian Roulette and go for TDs over yards, Plaxico could be your man.
Heap o' something in the Cards - Todd Heap to Arizona
- Everyone seems to love Todd Heap, but he's only had about 3 acceptable fantasy TE seasons by my standards. With Kevin Kolb's love of short passes, he could have an uptick in production, but he seems to have had injury issues the last few years, even though he's scraped together 16 starts most of the time. He's probably worth a starting spot on a fantasy roster somewhere, but I'd get a capable backup if I end up with him.
Tim Hightower traded to the Redskins, avoiding 100 catch year with Kevin Kolb
- So much for my strategy of picking Hightower as Kolb's safety valve. Hightower will join Ryan Torain as Washington's RBs, and the era of Clinton Portis in DC is at an end. The Redskins' quest to become the most boring team in the league is now within reach with Southeast Jerome leaving town.
"I'm done, you're done, we're done!" - Ronnie Brown leaves Miami, signs with the Eagles
- The Eagles continue to be one of the most active teams this offseason, signing a former Pro Bowl RB as the backup to LeSean McCoy. I know I'm not the only one envisioning Ronnie Brown in the Wildcat with Vick lining up wide as a receiver, right? While Brown could make this team even more entertaining to watch, his fantasy value is a big question mark. If he can snake a few carries and goal-line opportunities from McCoy, he'll be worth owning, otherwise I'm just tracking his "QB" stats while he sits in free agency.
"I put my heart and soul into this @$&% every single week!" - Derek Anderson to sling it with the Panthers
- Nothing to see here people, except inappropriate laughter.
Zach Miller signs with the Seahawks - Pete Carroll's insufferable optimism reaches new heights
- I bought Miller last year for $6 and it turned out to be a good investment. He'll get you 5 catches a game, and score a TD about once ever 3 games, so he's steady and won't lose you the week. At age 25 with a QB who will likely need a safety valve, he could prove useful. Just be wary that he has dealt with nagging injuries the last couple years (foot related) despite playing in nearly all games. Expect John Carlson to move from mildly-tempting-free-agent-bye-week-play to irrelevant, barring a trade.
Who wants to live in Jacksonville?! Marcedes Lewis apparently - re-signs with the Jaguars for 5 years
- Lewis had a conveniently timed career year heading into free agency, but I believe he can replicate last year's 700 yard, 10 TD season. With Mike Sims-Walker out of the picture, the Jags are left with Mike Thomas and the Marcedes-Benz as the top receivers, with Lewis as the red zone target. Keep him in mind on draft day.
San Francisco 49ers sign pretend elite WR Braylon Edwards to improve make believe playoff chances
- Braylon's an athletic receiver, but you may as well name his hands Fumbles O'Brian and Slippy Toad. I should also remind fantasy gamers that we're still waiting for Alex Smith to break out, and even if he does, Michael Crabtree and Vernon Davis are going to take away looks. Crabtree is often injured, so I'd tab Salamander Hands as worth a bench spot, but that's about it.
Still blazin' - Ricky Williams joins the Baltimore Ravens
- Things were looking so good for Ray Rice heading into this year: no other back in the depth chart was challenging for touches, and he got a Pro Bowl blocking fullback to clear holes for him in Vonta Leach. With the addition of Williams, Rice loses a bit of his appeal, though he's still an elite back. Williams got the majority of the TDs for the Dolphins backfield, so it stands to reason that he'll poach at least a few goal-line opportunities and perhaps 8-12 touches per game overall tops if I had to hazard a guess.
- McNabb's days in the nation's capital were numbered ever since that infamous day when Lucifer Shanahan & Son pulled him in favor of Rex Grossman. Some people may not think highly of McNabb anymore, but I think he'll be fairly productive in the Twin Cities. Assuming he stays healthy, he's a lock for 3,000 yards, and historically, with the exception of last year, he's rather efficient in terms of TDs:INTs. It should be interesting to see who the Vikes get to replace Rice.
Albert Haynesworth to the Patriots for a 5th rounder - Bill Belichick to lay down the law
- Fat Albert has had his issues since signing a 9-figure deal with the Redskins, no one can deny that, but if he'll ever turn his career around, it'll be as an end in Belichick's 3-4. The move is low risk for the Patriots as they'll only have to pay up to $5.4 million. There are a lot of "ifs" regarding the fantasy ramifications of this deal, but an improving Pats DEF could become a must-own if he pans out.
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| He's like the NFL version of Snorlax. |
- This likely spells the end for Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams. Sorry, there's only room for one Heisman winner by way of New Orleans on this Dolphins team! Oh wait, Bush technically isn't a Heisman winner anymore. Bush has become anathema to all fantasy GMs after years of injuries and dashed hopes. If there's a coach out there who can think of creative ways to make Bush effective, it's Sparano, but I'm more interested in rookie Daniel Thomas. I consider Bush worthy of a bench spot (on someone else's team), but that's it.
Nothing like corn on the Kolb in the summer time - Kevin Kolb traded to Arizona for Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie
- "2K Sports" will likely take over the starting role out in the desert, unless the Cards feel like giving 'Max Interceptions' Hall another go-round. I'm not a fan of Kolb. I think his stats were a bit inflated due to the Eagles running a variety of packages that limited his weaknesses (long passes). If you don't believe me, look at DeSean Jackson's stats for weeks 4-7, which are the ones Kolb started. But you could probably already tell that he's somewhat mediocre, given his career QB rating of 73.2. I think this will be somewhat of an improvement for Larry Fitzgerald, but the real winner in my mind is Tim Hightower, who will be on the receiving end of one dump pass after another. On the flip side, the Eagles get some good value for their backup.
Cam's Carolina combo - Panthers trade for Greg Olsen, Steve Smith staying put
- The Panthers' passing attack is crystallizing now as Olsen and Smith will be running routes for Cam Newton. Smith is a complete football player who contributes to numerous facets of the game, from receiving to blocking to special teams if necessary. From an outsider's perspective he seems to be the heart of the team. In fantasy terms, both of these guys are wild cards, but I'm generally not a fan of mobile college QBs. Newton smacks a bit of Vince Young, so I'd consider Smith a WR3 and Olsen a spot start TE for a bye week.
"Hey, Aaron, I'm your new teammate, Chad. I'm gonna need that number." - Chad Ochocinco traded to the Patriots
- In another blockbuster, the Pats pick up one half of the T.Ocho. show. I had heard over the last couple years that Belichick was a great admirer of Chad, so I'm excited to see how he uses him. I'm predicting right now that Chad kicks at least 1 field goal or extra point this year. If he can stay healthy the entire year, he has WR1 potential, but stats for recent years aren't super encouraging, plus there are a lot of other receivers in New England who figure to get a lot of catches (Welker, Branch) and goal line looks (Gronkowski).
| Notice anything weird about this picture? Bill's smiling. |
- VY10 is bringing his Wonderlic-ious talents to Philly. Though comparisons will be made between him and Mike Vick, both on and off the field, Vick's problems seemed to stem from his background, whereas Young's are rooted in how he's an idiot. From a strategic standpoint though, I understand the convenience factor here for the Eagles: reports are that the deal is for 1 year, and given a similar skill set to Vick, the offense wouldn't have to change should Vick go down. Fantasy-wise, Young has rarely been relevant, and that likely won't change, but I'm intrigued to see how he does on a new team.
No fly zone - Eagles snatch shutdown corner Nnamdi Asomugha from the Jets, other suitors
- It seems like every offseason I hear about the Eagles signing a top tier corner, like Asante Samuel. This year was no different as the Eagles landed Asomugha. Should the Eagles keep Samuel, they'd be a tough defense to pass against, making them must-own for those delicious 3-point INTs. I would sit most wide receivers against that tandem, but I would love to have the tight end in that match-up, because he's going to get a whole lot more looks. As a Pats homer, I'm freaking ecstatic we don't have to deal with Nnamdi on top of Darrelle Revis.
Mind if I drop in? - Roy Williams signs with the Chicago Bears
Former Lion Roy Williams has been reunited with his old coach Mike Martz following a release from the Cowboys. Roy's a physically gifted receiver, if you're not counting the clumsy slabs of granite he calls hands. Becoming the main guy (perhaps) will make him fantasy relevant though, especially in Martz's pass-happy offense. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I consider Roy a potential WR2 this year.
Matt Moore to the Dolphins - a K.O. to Dolphins fans everywhere?
I don't believe the media is reporting this, but I've heard reports that Matt Moore may be the guy in Miami. Does this signing necessarily mean that they're done courting Kyle Orton? Dolphins fans are incredulous, too. I find that hard to believe, but if Miami is rolling with Moore and Henne Pasta, then I just got a whole lot less enthusiastic about the Dolphins offense. Moore was good in limited action in 2009, but other than that his career's like an episode of Cribs featuring Oscar the Grouch: rubbish.
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| You make that sound like it's a bad thing. |
- The Sims:real life::Sims-Walker:good receiver - an entertaining imitation. Over the past couple years, Sims-Walker has made some highlight reel catches, but he lacks the consistency to be a true top receiver. Sam Bradford could provide a bump if last year's performance was any indication, but my enthusiasm for his fantasy prospects is muted.
Jets loading their gun - Plaxico Burress to play for the other New York team
- If there's one takeaway from this NFL offseason, it's that Rex Ryan is not shying away from WRs with personal issues. After 20 months in jail, Burress is returning to the NFL. I was surprised to learn that he's already 34, but even if he's lost a step, he's still a tall target in the red zone. Holmes of course will be the more reliable pick, but if you want to play Russian Roulette and go for TDs over yards, Plaxico could be your man.
Heap o' something in the Cards - Todd Heap to Arizona
- Everyone seems to love Todd Heap, but he's only had about 3 acceptable fantasy TE seasons by my standards. With Kevin Kolb's love of short passes, he could have an uptick in production, but he seems to have had injury issues the last few years, even though he's scraped together 16 starts most of the time. He's probably worth a starting spot on a fantasy roster somewhere, but I'd get a capable backup if I end up with him.
Tim Hightower traded to the Redskins, avoiding 100 catch year with Kevin Kolb
- So much for my strategy of picking Hightower as Kolb's safety valve. Hightower will join Ryan Torain as Washington's RBs, and the era of Clinton Portis in DC is at an end. The Redskins' quest to become the most boring team in the league is now within reach with Southeast Jerome leaving town.
"I'm done, you're done, we're done!" - Ronnie Brown leaves Miami, signs with the Eagles
- The Eagles continue to be one of the most active teams this offseason, signing a former Pro Bowl RB as the backup to LeSean McCoy. I know I'm not the only one envisioning Ronnie Brown in the Wildcat with Vick lining up wide as a receiver, right? While Brown could make this team even more entertaining to watch, his fantasy value is a big question mark. If he can snake a few carries and goal-line opportunities from McCoy, he'll be worth owning, otherwise I'm just tracking his "QB" stats while he sits in free agency.
"I put my heart and soul into this @$&% every single week!" - Derek Anderson to sling it with the Panthers
- Nothing to see here people, except inappropriate laughter.
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| The reporter's question was pointless, they're clearly talking about Derek's career. |
- I bought Miller last year for $6 and it turned out to be a good investment. He'll get you 5 catches a game, and score a TD about once ever 3 games, so he's steady and won't lose you the week. At age 25 with a QB who will likely need a safety valve, he could prove useful. Just be wary that he has dealt with nagging injuries the last couple years (foot related) despite playing in nearly all games. Expect John Carlson to move from mildly-tempting-free-agent-bye-week-play to irrelevant, barring a trade.
Who wants to live in Jacksonville?! Marcedes Lewis apparently - re-signs with the Jaguars for 5 years
- Lewis had a conveniently timed career year heading into free agency, but I believe he can replicate last year's 700 yard, 10 TD season. With Mike Sims-Walker out of the picture, the Jags are left with Mike Thomas and the Marcedes-Benz as the top receivers, with Lewis as the red zone target. Keep him in mind on draft day.
San Francisco 49ers sign pretend elite WR Braylon Edwards to improve make believe playoff chances
- Braylon's an athletic receiver, but you may as well name his hands Fumbles O'Brian and Slippy Toad. I should also remind fantasy gamers that we're still waiting for Alex Smith to break out, and even if he does, Michael Crabtree and Vernon Davis are going to take away looks. Crabtree is often injured, so I'd tab Salamander Hands as worth a bench spot, but that's about it.
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| Its mouth says "I'm a happy salamander," but its eyes say "you have denigrated my species." |
- Things were looking so good for Ray Rice heading into this year: no other back in the depth chart was challenging for touches, and he got a Pro Bowl blocking fullback to clear holes for him in Vonta Leach. With the addition of Williams, Rice loses a bit of his appeal, though he's still an elite back. Williams got the majority of the TDs for the Dolphins backfield, so it stands to reason that he'll poach at least a few goal-line opportunities and perhaps 8-12 touches per game overall tops if I had to hazard a guess.
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