Like the majestic sloth, these teams are just going to hang around, until the year draws to a merciful close.
- Chicago White Sox (-1) - While Adam Dunn and Alex Rios have been scuffling, the pitching staff has been surprisingly effective, ranking third in FIP and WAR. I wonder if this team will ever compete with Dunn's whiffs powering the gales blowing through the Windy City.
- Washington Nationals (-) - Though I haven't improved the Nats' ranking, there are some good things brewing in the beltway. Ryan Zimmerman is hitting again (minus the power) and oh yeah, Chien-Ming Wang is back and providing fodder for genitals jokes again.
- Cincinnati Reds (-4) - Just 2-8 over their last 10, disappointment reigns for Dusty Baker's team as they fall out of the running. With some impressive young talents offensively, it was surprising that they couldn't build on last year's success. As with most things, I blame Edgar Renteria.
- Florida Marlins (+5) - Most people probably missed it, but Hanley Ramirez heated up for a while there (June 21-July 20), during which time the Marlins were 15-10. That's not a gaudy record, but it shows how much they depend on him, but now he's on the shelf with a shoulder injury. It's even gotten to the point where Mike Cameron is their starting center fielder. As if the lone remaining Marlins fan needed an excuse to go to the beach instead.
- Pittsburgh Pirates (+1) - Is it better to have contended and lost then never to have contended at all? I'm just happy they had the opportunity to believe they had a chance. It's sad when that's considered a good year. I'm hoping they make a late run with new boppers Ryan Ludwick and Derrek Lee providing some offense, but their pitching is going through a vicious ERA correction right now. PS: I just found out they're the worst defensive team in the league.
- Los Angeles Dodgers (+4) - The Dodgers move up the ranks a bit, but that's not necessarily a good thing because it means they didn't pull the trigger on any deadline deals. Hiroki Kuroda is still on a staff that's serviceable, and Javy Guerra has become their first stable closer this year. Expect another middling year next year because the team's broke and can't afford to pay for free agents. Although, I can just take out a $500 million loan and buy the team with debt, right? That's what Frank McCourt did... gimme this team, Selig.
- Colorado Rockies (-4) - Their ace is gone and, barring their usual September hit parade, I expect this team to keep sliding. Sad, because there's nothing quite like winning 20 games in September heading into Rocktober.
- San Diego Padres (-) - I don't know who Jesus Guzman is or where he came from, but I can only assume his passport has numerous stamps from Rip City, because he's clearly a frequent visitor. Cameron Maybin is also growing up before our eyes. If the pitching holds steady and their prospects start panning out, this could be a fun team to watch soon. Not now though.
- Oakland Athletics (-2) - This rag-tag lineup isn't pretty, but once in a while they get the job done offensively. It's actually the pitching I've been more worried about lately. They're still a top-10 staff, but Trevor Cahill and Gio Gonzalez have been rocked lately. This team is basically the Gil Gunderson of baseball. Can't these poor ol' A's catch a break?
- Seattle Mariners (-5) - Seattle's team WAR on offense is 3.7. Geeze, each player should at least generate 1 win above a replacement player! Dustin Ackley alone has a WAR of 2 all by himself, ensuring that second basemen named Dustin continue to kick ass. As for the pitching, it's still among the best in the league, but Michael Pineda has been "figured out" a bit (normal for any rookie - see Britton, Zach) and their middle relievers are like Travis Mayweather: blah.
- Minnesota Twins (+2) - Near the bottom of the league in pitching and hitting, there's not much good to say about the Twins. They didn't make any trades at the deadline either. Sooooo, what's this team up to exactly? I guess we can get excited about Jim Thome's chase for 600 homers, but that's about it.
- Kansas City Royals (+2) - Let me tell you the Ballad of Bruce Chen. He's Chinese by way of Panama, and came into the bigs with Atlanta, joining forces with their pitching greats in the 90's. 10 teams and 13 years later, he's been a stalwart for this Royals team. Still slinging nasty 87-89 mph fastballs and a blink-and-you-won't-miss-it curve, he earned his first shutout last year and is now in the middle of his best year since 2005. Enjoy the renaissance folks.
- Chicago Cubs (-1) - Good grief, this team needs an overhaul. They didn't make any trades, and the starters still blow harder than those famous Chicago winds. The contract situation doesn't look overly promising for 2012, but hopefully some budget opens up post-Dempster, Ramirez, and Zambrano, if he doesn't retire first.
- Baltimore Orioles (-3) - First off, let me get the stats out of the way: this team is worst in the league in pitching. More importantly, though, I'm convinced that, long-term, they're trying to assemble the most contact-free lineup in history. Not only is Mark Reynolds their everyday third baseman, they traded for "Swing-and-a-miss" Chris Davis at the deadline. Are these really the cornerstones they want to build upon? Stellar offensive production from J.J. Hardy is the only thing keeping this team from being #30.
- Houston Astros (-) - Sure, they're in last place, but they're doing last place right. They traded a player who seems to me like a slightly better Jayson Werth clone for a bunch of prospects, and now they've got a merry-go-round of auditions for their prospects to show what they can do. I'm doubtful the prospects will pan out, but still, this is the way you play out a lost season!
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