Haxball

Everyone loves a good online game (i.e. time waster), right? Well here's the latest one I've come across: an online soccer game called Haxball.

I fully acknowledge that by giving you this link I'll probably never see you again, let alone enjoy your readership, but to withhold it would be the greater disservice.

Enjoy! And let me know if you want to team up sometime.

The many sides of Cartman

It looks like this past week's trivia question was more difficult than expected, as only two people were intrepid enough to make a selection. One person got the right answer, so leave a comment to make yourself known and bask in the glory that only comes with TDZ trivia conquest.

The options you had to choose from were:

• The Coon: Cartman's vigilante crime-fighting persona and head of the superhero group Coon and Friends. He at one point teamed up with Cthulhu and went on a killing spree.
• Jennifer Lopez: Cartman's ventriloquist act who steals the real Jennifer Lopez's recording label and Ben Affleck.
• Clyde Frog: This week's correct answer! Clyde Frog is Cartman's favorite stuffed animal.
• Awesome-o: Technically the Awesome-o 4000, Cartman pretended to be a robot so that he could spy on Butters and learn his embarrassing secrets. When he learns that Butters knows something embarrassing about him, he commits to the part at great lengths to get back the evidence and prevent humiliation.
• Mitch Conner: Another ventriloquist act, Mitch is a con-artist who was actually pretending to be Jennifer Lopez all along, playing everyone for fools.
• Bulrog: Cartman's scythe-wielding anime alter ego; a tough name to catch as it occurs briefly in only one episode.

Edit: Recommended sports-related viewing for South Park is their commentary on the NCAA in the Emmy-nominated episode Crack Baby Athletic Association.

This week's question is going political given the craziness going on in Washington right now: 

Which U.S. President won their election (or re-election) with the smallest percentage of the popular vote? 

Choices are below. Good luck.

Pirates' Cove: Jolly Roger Revival

Aye, it was a fine crew. Captain Clint remembers the day he conducted roll call fondly. They wouldn't be the first choice for many captains, but where others saw 25 cutthroats and knavish rogues, ol' Clinty saw 25 able seamen. 'You can sail to hell and back with these men, and you can lay to that,' said the Cap'n.

The vessel was another story. It was a treacherous, barnacle-encrusted wench that could hardly be considered sea-worthy, patched together with driftwood and desperation. Its state of disrepair belied the glory she once knew. Once a pearl of the high seas under the terrifying commands of such legends as Clemente and Stargell, generation after generation pillaged and plundered to its heart's content.

That was until 18 years ago. The gentlemen of fortune, led by old salt Van Slyke and his first mate Bonds, dropped anchor and disembarked in search of treasure when they were ambushed by Braves. Shiver me timbers! what a fierce battle was waged that day, cutlasses clashing with tomahawks, scalps flying. Just when ol' Van's buckos looked to have the upper hand, a young Brave named Cabrera dealt a death blow to crewman Belinda that irrevocably shifted the tide of battle.

Chased back to their ship, the buccaneers found their vessel (tomahawk) chopped and set ablaze. By the time the crew recovered what was left of the ship and weighed anchor, the damage had been done, seaman Drabek and the first mate Bonds were gone, and the treasure was lost.

What followed from that fateful day is considered by some to be Cabrera's Curse. The crew stumbled from port to port, three sheets to the wind, and hornswaggled at every stop. The booty of past triumphs had been all but spent. The only respite these once proud gentlemen of fortune could hope for was the merciful descent to Davy Jones' Locker.  Ol' Clinty had his work cut out for him to make these scallywags the terrors they once were. But terrors they would be.

Now four months into their voyage, the seamen have already proved their worth. But the crew still has 3 months to go before it can end Cabrera's curse and claim the very bounty they never dreamed would be within their grasp again: the 30 flags of gold.

Copa America Final 2011: 'guay?

The final match of the 2011 Copa America tourney is this Sunday, and this latest edition has been odd to say the least. Brazil and Argentina are nowhere to be found, replicating their disappointing World Cup campaigns from the year before. One finalist, Paraguay, hasn't even won a match yet. Not one. They required penalty kicks to advance in the elimination rounds. Venezuela's in the third place match for crying out loud, a level Hugo "Boss'" team never dreamed of reaching.

Duh, TYING!

The way this tournament is going, it seems that the Copa America has easily dethroned the Gold Cup for the most cataclysmic soccer tournament on the planet. But will the final live up to the precedings? Click to find out more.

TDZ hits 1000

Just over a week away from its 0.5 year birthday, The Danger Zone has eclipsed 1,000 page views! That's excluding my own page visits, so don't act like you're not impressed. I'm just grateful to all the readers and TDZ acolytes who turned this little blog into the bustling hub of sports and whimsy it is today.

Can you guess what the most clicked TDZ news story is at this millennial mark? Was it the ground-breaking All-Kevin Love Team, or subsequent coverage of NBA uber-phenom Ian Mahinmi? Or maybe it was my eerily accurate predictions for March Madness or up-to-the-minute reporting on the 2011 Gold Cup?

The All Big Bigs Team

Baseball has always been known as a plump man's game. Perhaps its biggest star of all-time, Babe Ruth, was infamous for his hot dog binges and plus-sized waistline. Portly players excelling in baseball isn't the exception - it's the norm. Children of America: if you want to be a great ballplayer, don't you dare think aerobics will get you anywhere. The best thing you can do is strengthen those wrists scooping out ice cream.

In recognition of the more corpulent MLB stars, I'd like to present a sabermetric analysis of the best blubbery big league team a manager could ask for.

Respect Mah Trivia

OK gang, here's this week's trivia question. This could either be very tough or very easy, we will see.

The question: which of the following is NOT an alter ego or persona taken on by Cartman in the show South Park? Choices are below.

Good luck to you!

Morbid Trivia Answer - Plus Women's World Cup Thoughts

This weeks question was one of the more difficult ones, but one person did get the correct answer: of the animals listed, horses cause the most deaths per year in the U.S. (link). They account for an estimated 106 deaths per year on the low end, up there with deer as the leading killers.  Following them are stinging insects, cattle, dogs, snakes, birds (?), alligators, mountain lions and sharks. Congrats to the winner, whoever you are! Feel free to comment to gain the recognition you deserve.

On a somber note, the U.S. Women's National Team lost the Women's World Cup final today. It was a crushing defeat, with a comedy of errors on defense and a horrific lack of poise at times. Once the match went to penalties, I knew Japan would win since they were more composed throughout the game.

On the bright side, Abby Wambach and new crush Alex Morgan played very well, and I hope they and Debra Morgan Hope Solo return with a vengeance four years from now. Let's not forget that we've got a Women's Professional Soccer league here in the U.S. that can use our support between World Cups (go Breakers). A big tip of the hat to Japan for playing with a lot of skill and poise in winning it all. This is a great story for a country that's had a lot to deal with this past year.

New trivia question tomorrow!

Here we go lockout, here we go. *clap clap*

Many fans are worried about an impending NBA lockout that will cancel the upcoming season. If you are one of these people, I urge you to take a page from The Life of Brian and look at the bright side: if the season is canceled, the Celtics could get Dwight Howard!

A. Sherrod Blakely of CSNNE brought up this possibility recently. Howard would only be available if the lockout eliminated the upcoming season, otherwise Orlando would trade him, and the C's don't have the trade chips with their older roster.

Garnett has said he's likely to retire after 2011-2012, creating a defensive vacuum that would need to be filled under the basket. Dwight is the best defensive player in the league when it comes to points in the paint, and if you don't believe me, look at the numbers. The stats here are for team defense in the paint, but let me tell you a secret everyone knows: Rashard Lewis wasn't helping out much.

With Rondo snaking steals on the perimeter and Dwight in the paint, the post-Big 3 future I see is starting to look a bit less dystopian than the one we are surely careening toward.

The Jericho Zone!

Jerichoholics need not be anonymous here at TDZ. Chris Jericho was (is?) everything you could want in a wrestler: good face, great heel; skilled on both the mic and the mat; not too big of an ego to job, while also winning an impressive array of belts, including the first unification of the Heavyweight titles. Above all, he was relentlessly entertaining and one of the all-time greats - dare I say The Living Legend.

Click below for a look at the many names, hairdos, and accolades of this multi-talented performer.

Ian Mahinmi does it again!

World Champion, NBA man-beast, and TDZ regular Ian Mahinmi is making waves once again, this time in his native language of French. Here's what he had to say about the sport's top two stars:

"Kobe is super arrogant but everybody loves him. To me, Kobe is more arrogant (than LeBron James)."

First, Ian was doing all the right things on the court. Now he's saying all the right things off it. Anyone who's seen Kobe play or give a post-game interview knows how highly he thinks of himself. He thinks he can get away with anything (Iguodala bag tag), constantly treats his teammates like crap (example 1, 2), and is only too willing to throw them under the bus to sate his superiority complex. For LeBron, it's just another title he's unable to claim.

Ian Mahinmi has spoken the truth. There's no telling how high this guy can go!

New Trivia!

Congrats to 2 people for getting last week's trivia answer. Theseus was indeed the Minotaur-killin' mortal.

Greeks do everything nude.

This week's trivia question is more current and takes a turn for the morbid:

• Of the following animals, which one kills the most people in the U.S. each year?

Good luck.

MLB Power Post - Part IV

Much like the 4th Pirates of the Caribbean movie, the MLB Power Post is back for an installment that no one asked for. The All-Star game rosters are filled barring the final vote, and it wouldn't be an MLB All-Star game unless there was griping about how it determines home-field for the World Series or how certain players were snubbed. I'll let the lamestream sports media take care of the former while I call out for justice on behalf of the latter.

Let's take it away with the current rosters!

MLB Power Post - Part III

A lot of ideas have been bandied about regarding the MLB realignment and what should happen. Before jumping in with my own opinion, I think it's important to clearly outline the reasons realignment is being discussed, as well as the implications that would face the selection of the plan currently at the negotiating table.

MLB Power Post - Part II

More MLB Power Rankings after the break, but I'm warning you, it gets ugly from here on out. Like, bad guy dying at the end of Indiana Jones ugly.

They told me not to look at Carlos Lee playing the outfield, BUT I DID. AUGHHH!

MLB Power Post - Part I

We're at around 81 games in the books for many teams, which makes it only fitting that TDZ offers it's official MLB Power Rankings. While I could stop there and earn my usual top marks for excellence in blogging, I'll also talk about negotiations for MLB realignment and its potential impact on the league.

"What's going on here? The MLB Realignment Story," starring MLB, with Nolan Ryan