New York Yankees: Annoying Year Round

Just when you thought the only major piece of major offseason news would be the market in which Prince Fielder would endorse McDonald's burgers, the New York Yankees bolstered their pitching staff in a big way yesterday.

First, the Yankees pulled off a blockbuster trade with the Seattle Mariners, swapping catching prospect Jesus Montero and random pitcher Hector Noesi for Michael Pineda and 19 year old pitching prospect Jose Campos.

Then New York signed 37 year old starter Hiroki Kuroda to a 1 year, $10 million deal.

If there was one thing I could count on, it was that Yankees pitching would provide hearty guffaws throughout the year, but now all I have to expect is tedious competence. Analysis after the jump.

Raiders Owner Mark Davis

*ahem* This is Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis.

And this is Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne from Dumb & Dumber.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

New Hampshire: #1 in SO Many Ways

Today was New Hampshire's first in the nation primary, and it gives this Granite Stater an easy excuse for lauding the state's many virtues and wonders.

The Old Man in the Mountain - Greatest naturally existing anthropomorphic rock profile on Earth. R.I.P.

While I could write an epic tome in honor of my homeland, I will opt instead for a more digestible list of factoids:

1. Clean water
2. Fresh air
3. No sales tax, no income tax - You control your level of tax expenditure based on the property you choose to own
4. Cheap booze

We have a little saying in N.H., maybe you have it, too: 'Home is where the cirrhosis is.'

That's all you really need, but I'll give you a few more since I can't help myself.

5. Four seasons - best fall foliage in the country
6. First in the nation primary - registered independents dominate the elections as moderate views reign supreme
• Pat Buchanan = exception that proves the rule; I'll be damned if we aren't the most independent thinkers in the country, so smart
7. First to declare independence from England - 6 months before the Declaration of the 13 colonies, look it up
8. Live Free or Die - best state motto, and inspiration for the title of a meh Die Hard movie
9. General John Stark - Wrote the famous words above; total badass who only accepted promotion on the condition that he wasn't answerable to any other Continental Army authority; contributed indirectly to the big win at Saratoga; not to be confused with Jon Snow of House Stark in Winterfell 
10. Daniel Webster - most silver-tongued orator in U.S. history, he could talk you out of your pants, no problem; highway named after him
11. Mount Washington - One of the windiest places on Earth; cars and cog railways climb it
12. Alan B. Shepard - First dude in space; again, highway named after him
13. Loudoun Motor Speedway - Not my thing, but if you like NASCAR and/or biker culture, we've got you covered
14. Levi Hutchins - Invented first alarm clock... wait, that's awful, scratch this one
15. Mills - provided jobs that were hardly worth baring then, provides trendy office space for rando tech companies now; unlike Massachusetts, our mill towns aren't crime-ridden polyps on the colon of New England
16. Great writers - N.H. has served as a muse to some great writers, like Robert Frost, John Irving, and Danger; Dan Brown: stop calling me, you're not making this list

There you have it: 16-ish sweet reasons to not hate, but appreciate, the Granite State! I hope this post was informative.

And if I could be indulged to address my fellow New Hampshirites for just a moment: even though Mitt Romney will win tonight, I could never be mad at you.

You Callin' Me a Lyin' Mayan? - Weekly Trivia!

Congrats to all 3 respondents this month: you all get to share TDZ trivia glory for correctly attributing the 2012 phenomenon to the Mayan civilization.

The Mayans used a Mesoamerican long count calendar, the longest count of which was a b'ak'tun, which lasts about 5,125 years. December 21, 2012 is the date when we reach the 13th b'ak'tun, which I guess will be exciting or whatever. Archaeologists in the 50's and 60's, likely trying to scare the crap out of the young'ns, believed that reaching the 13th b'ak'tun would mark "Armageddon" and the "annihilation" of our universe, though many modern scholars have noted that the Mayans never saw the event as an end of creation.

And I thought my office calendar with a basketball hoop was cool...

New Age loonies and astrologists have also used the date for their purposes in their ongoing quest to build a nonsensical symphony of hokum that combines random elements from all beliefs. They believe that a rare alignment of the Milky Way will occur... astronomers don't foresee anything cool happening on the horizon. I'm still excited to see that Betelgeuse supernova at some point, though.

Sometime this week, TDZ will reach a major blog plateau: 3,000 hits! In honor of this imminent eminence, I'm asking...

Which of these MLB players is also in the 3,000 hit club?

• George Brett
• Ken Griffey Jr.
• Joe Morgan
• Rogers Hornsby
• Ted Williams

Hit it up at the bottom - good luck!

TDZ Video Game Review: FIFA 12

TDZ recently took the pitch in EA Sport's latest soccer offering, FIFA 12. This is my first FIFA game since 09, which provided hours of entertainment for both Career and Be A Pro modes. Will 12 do the same?

Click on to kick it with Messi, Rooney and the gang.

Play of the Week: The Saints Go Marching Into the Recordbooks

The Saints and Panthers squared off in a match-up of highlight grabbing QBs, but it was Drew Brees who supplied the reel this time - more accurately, his receivers. If you're nit-picky and think the play of the week should just be one play, then it's Marques Colston's full stretch grab adjusting to his back shoulder around the 35 second mark. Great fundamentals in using both hands, and really impressive body control to stop his momentum and twist for the TD.

To review the broken records for Drew Brees (old record in parentheses):

• Most passing yards in a season: 5,476 (Dan Marino: 5,084)
• Most completions in a season: 468 (Peyton Manning: 450)
• Highest completion percentage for a season: 71.6 (Drew Brees: 70.6)

Most of the NFC playoff teams rely on the pass, so I look forward to more great catches in the coming weeks.

The UMass Ballers Draft Day Review

Y'know, it takes a lot of guts, doing what I do. It's one thing to deal with the ignominy of virtual defeat, but it's a whole other thing to dissect it in painstaking detail, revealing the horrifying failures of my good intentions that instead paved the way to fantasy hell.

You did this. How could you do this.

For others, the draft was not such a bleak event, so let's celebrate the triumphs as well as the hilarious poor decisions that shaped the 4th annual UMass Ballers league.