The Danger Zone is going on hiatus.

Due to some sort of connection issue, The Danger Zone will not be published for the next 10-14 business days. Due to this incredible delay, I urge you to boycott all Comcast-owned properties (Flyers and 76ers games and merchandise) until the problem is resolved. Together you five loyal readers can make a difference!

Some NBA trade news to chew on until TDZ returns:

Albert Pujols: The Quest for $300 Million

The self-imposed deadline for Albert Pujols to sign an extension with the St. Louis Cardinals has passed, leaving many to wonder what team he will go to, and exactly how close he'll get to the rumored 10 year, $300 million contract he was seeking.

It seems not long ago that Pujols entered the league and we all got a chance to giggle at another amusing athlete name, but those giggles turned to gawking as he quickly asserted himself to become the most dominant player in the game for the last decade.

Were he not so talented, Pujols still would have belonged to a rich history of hilariously-named athletes.

Now an icon in St. Louis and the most valuable player in baseball, Pujols plans on seeing, pecuniarily speaking, what his body of work means to his team and league.

One thing that teams will count against him though is that he's basically the opposite of that dude from Memento.  Sure, long-term we see all the great things you've done, Albert, but maybe you're forgetting that recent disaster known as "The Decision?"

• (St. Louis - Nelly) x (rock n' roll/blues) = Cleveland
• The Cardinals without Albert would be, at best, a .500 team when you deduct his average Wins Above Replacement (WAR) of 8.  That's triple the WAR of his Cardinal teammates at 2B, SS, and 3B combined.

The major difference with LeBron is that Pujols already has a World Series ring, so he could be shipping out of St. Louis solely for the Benjamins. At least LeBron had winning on his mind, and he wasn't going to win in Cleveland. (Of course, the Heat need to figure out how to beat the Celtics before THAT team has a chance, but that's a blog-slam for another day.)

Whatever his motivations, it's time for Nostradanger to prognosticate his future whereabouts:

Ian Mahinmi Update

NBA man-beast Ian Mahinmi was in action this past Wednesday, looking to make the most of some precious minutes off the bench.  Consider that mission accomplished.  His stat line:

7:23 minutes, 0-0 FG, 0-0 FT, 0 assists, 1 rebound, 6 fouls

Sources report that following the game, Ian sent 17 unlucky fans to the hospital while giving out autographs, which certainly didn't win over any coaches or teammates in the locker room following his performance.  He was a healthy scratch against the Suns the following night.

Only One Ray-Ray

NBA Champion.  All-Star.  Olympian.  Marksman.  Thespian.  Gum-chewer.  Ray Allen has taken on many roles in his career.  Having recently usurped Reggie Miller for the 3 point shooting throne, it's worth taking a longer look at what made Ray-Ray so valuable to all the lucky teams for which he's played.

2,561 and counting

1. Robotic accuracy - watching Ray take a free throw or square up for a jumper is like watching a car being assembled: every movement is precisely measured, evaluated, re-calibrated, (and measured again), until it approaches perfection.  Ray Allen is his own Six Sigma black belt.
2. Durability - Ray is a fitness freak.  The metaphor of his body as a machine would be apt except even machines break down over time.  The way he plays today at age 35 is a way in which even rookies struggle to keep up.  This leads to #3.
3. He plays the most annoying style of offense ever - Constantly running from sideline to sideline, over and under 1, 2, and 3 picks for a 1 second window to catch and shoot the ball from about 24 feet away for 35 minutes a game is insane.  Yeah, good luck trying to do that for a career.  Oh wait - he did.  Now consider trying to defend that!  Defenders have been trying to curse his name for years but they were all out of breath.  Dwyane Wade, one of the NBA's best players and athletes, was completely worn out in his recent matchup with the Celtics, affecting not only his jump shot but perhaps his decision-making as he lashed out at Kevin Garnett for a key flagrant foul.  This is just my hypothesis, but I doubt the normally stoic star has a similar reaction if he isn't gassed and frustrated by the relentless #20.
4. He's unflappable - "Timeout called: Celtics.  20 second timeout."  Ray walks over to the huddle, chews his gum, listens to Doc's play, nods, goes back to work.  Doesn't matter if it's a close game where he needs to nail a trey or an easy victory over the hapless Raptors, he plays the same way no matter what the circumstances.
5. He's a team player - Ray was the main event on some of his earlier teams, but he realized that he occupies a specific role in the Voltron that is the Boston Celtics.  He's the guy who lifts the crowd and his team with a crucial 3.  He's the guy who gets the ball with the clock winding down to seal the game with clutch free throws.  And like fellow marksman Harry Callahan, he's the guy who gets the job done.

---

On to other no less man-crush-related news, star Avalanche forward Peter Forsberg has hung up the skates for good.  For those that don't know Forsberg, he's basically the hockey version of Yao Ming, except much more talented.  The biggest Swedish export since IKEA, Forsberg won at basically every level including two Stanley Cups, two Olympic gold medals, and he was honored in 2003 with the Hart Trophy for NHL MVP.  "Foppa" was maligned by ankle pain that severely stunted his ability to skate as his career progressed.

At his best, he would literally skate circles around an opposing team (video) while looking for the perfect play... and he almost always found that play.  Offensively he had the type of skill that made his style of play seem nonchalant and common-sensical, while defensively he had a knack for completely mauling anyone caught unawares.  Had he been more durable, I truly believe he'd be universally accepted as one of the greatest to ever play the sport, on par perhaps with Jaromir Jagr.

The All-Kevin Love Team

Many thought the biggest story heading into this NBA season was the 3-headed hydra Pat Riley assembled in South Beach.  Well, since "The Decision":

• They lost plenty of games.
• Home ticket sales were sluggish enough that the Heat had to tell their fans to "Fan Up."
• Chris Bosh has been exposed as the softest power forward in the league. (Somewhere, Rashard Lewis does a fist pump...)

It's time to move on to the biggest story of the year: the emergence of Kevin Love.  That's right, a white power forward playing on a bottom 3 team is the biggest story of the year, and here's why:

• Toughness: Why explain something with sentences when an analogy will do?  Kevin Love:an immovable object::Chris Bosh:angel food cake.
• He's old-school: Boxing out was a lost relic of basketball - kind of like how the mustache was a lost relic of modern male grooming - until Kevin Love (Ron Swanson) brought it back.
• He plays his position, and only his position: Remember when NBA players didn't play a one-on-one face-the-hoop style at every position?  Instead of trying to play point guard, center, and everything in-between, Kevin's focused on just the skills needed to be a beastly power forward.  The FT and 3-point percentages are just gravy.
• The numbers don't lie: Kevin Love has the highest Player Efficiency Rating (PER) in the league, and he's poised to end LeBron James' three year reign over the category.

Hmm, he kinda reminds me of another awesome power forward...

It's hard to believe that this is a player that struggled mightily for minutes under the absurd regime of Kurt Rambis.  Like the random guy in any given season of 24 that tries to keep Jack Bauer down, Rambis tried to hold Love back.  But like Agent Bauer, Love's brute force and resourcefulness got the job done anyways. With only 22 starts last year (and 60 games played total) averaging 28:30 of playing time a game, Love had 36 double-doubles.  Even to start this year, Love was averaging under 30 minutes a game until the hate mail from fans reached Kanye-West-post-"Swiftgate" levels.

Maybe if Rambis had been wearing these
 sweet spectacles again he would've seen
Love was the best player on his team.

Chart credit: Canis Hoopus

His 31 point, 31 rebound performance on November 12 was literally a once in a generation type of event for the modern NBA; the last time it happened was Moses Malone 28 years ago.  Since that game, Love has received all the minutes he deserves and should be at the top of the discussion for league MVP.

In honor of his amazing season so far, I've compiled a list of other potential breakouts - the All-Kevin Love Team, aka the Put-Me-in-the-Damn-Game Team.  These Chia Pet players are ready to break out!  Just add minutes.

Ryan Anderson - Power Forward - Orlando Magic

• Ryan is not a Kevin Love clone by any means, but the dude knows how to score.  He averages 11 points per game despite playing just 20 minutes a night, often not as the primary scorer on the floor.  His per-minute scoring average puts him ahead of such household names as Paul Pierce, Zach Randolph, and - you guessed it - Chris Bosh.  
• He won't own the boards like Love, but his per-48s have him squarely in double-digits, and that's despite playing in an outside shooting capacity with that monster of the paint known as Dwight Howard prowling the low post.  Clearly a significant improvement over the 4 rebounds a game Rashard Lewis was pulling in next to Dwight.  For shame, Rashard!  That fist pump was premature!
• With Lewis gone and Brandon Bass injured at the moment, we might get a glimpse of what Anderson is capable of.

Ian Mahinmi - Center - Dallas Mavericks

• Ian Ma-wahhh?  Ian Mahinmi.  He's an absolute beast, for better AND for worse.  Despite averaging about 6 and half minutes a game for his career, his per 36s are consistently strong: 20 ppg, 10.6 rpg, 1.7 bpg, and 78% from the line, which is quite serviceable for a man-beast.
• What's the catch?  He's basically the basketball version of Lenny from Grapes of Wrath.  His per 48 fouls is right around 9 per game.  Please officials, he just wants to play with the little people!
• You can't teach physical gifts, but I've got to think you can teach discipline.  With the proper coaching investment and minutes, Mahinmi could prove a formidable Frenchman... two words I never thought I'd use together.

J'aime le basketball!

Ersan Ilyasova - Small Forward/Power Forward - Milwaukee Bucks

• This wily Turk blipped on my fantasy radar last year as he produced a number of double-doubles for the floundering Bucks.  Much to my chagrin, however, his minutes fluctuated between 15 and 35 on a nightly basis, and he became virtually unusable.
• Don't let the random coaching decisions of Matt Walsh look-a-like Scott Skiles fool you: his production is the real deal.  Per 36 he'll give you around 9 boards a game, plus FT%, and his fouls per game have steadily declined.  Points-wise he'll give you 15, but think how much more it would be if Brandon Jennings passed the ball instead of building his own arena with all the bricks he lays on a nightly basis.  A 37.4% shooting percentage, Brandon? Go to your room!

Jared Dudley - Shooting Guard/Small Forward - Phoenix Suns

• This Boston College product gave us a glimpse of what he could do with monster back-to-back 42 minute performances following the Jason Richardson trade in which he averaged 30 points.  Unfortunately the Suns have opted to play the decaying corpse of Vince Carter until further injury.
• On a per-36 basis you're looking at 6 rebounds to go along with plus shooting percentages, but the hidden value with Dudley is steals.  Channeling his inner LiLo, he projects to 1.5 steals per 36.  

Lou Williams - Point Guard - Philadelphia 76ers

• Lou's perhaps one of the better known backup guards in the league, but he's demanding of even more of your attention.  On a per-36 basis he averages a cool 18 ppg for his career.  A quick glance at his game log and you will see numerous 20+ point performances despite limited playing time.
• His corresponding assists per-36 are a less lustrous 5 per game, but consider that he's always played second string for the 76ers.  Assists are largely a symptom of who you're passing the ball to.  Just ask The Brain how many times Pinky dropped the ball.

Congrats to all for joining the first annual All-Kevin Love Team!  You may resume riding the pine until better coaching arrives.

Sports Gone Nerdy

That's right, hang up your jock strap and suit up with your pocket protector and favorite calculator: nerd culture has officially infiltrated pro sports.  The warning signs were there.  Fantasy sports has been a growing industry for years, sabermetricians are now widely respected, and even star athletes like Curt Schilling are addicted to dorky RPGs.

Despite this, pro leagues have largely spurned the advances of their thick-spectacled, meekly-built admirers.  Leagues such as the NFL have butted heads with fantasy sports providers, threatening litigation unless said providers pay licensing fees for player stats and information.

This is despite the strong evidence that fantasy sports actually increases consumption of sports.  Speaking from personal experience, I have never watched so much NFL football as I did this past year.  This crippling addiction was caused by the drug of fantasy sports laced with a heavy dose of NFL RedZone.  When I should have been putting up Christmas decorations, I was stealing away to watch channel 794, hoping to experience the high of seeing Michael Turner's thunder thighs scampering into the end zone for six big points.  By allowing me to see every game, I was able to analyze players and teams to an extent I never could have before.  Finally, I had found the opium to my Sherlock Holmes.  RedZone support groups will pop up in the next few years, just watch for it.  I am....

Returning to the subject of pro league and their number-loving fans, there is now officially one league that has truly embraced the segment with open arms.  Surely this is a league on the cutting edge, with forward-thinking, radical fans, and management made up of brainy academics.  It's... the NHL?!

They say desperate times call for desperate measures, and the NHL lately has never been one to hide its insecurities.  With perennially low TV ratings post-lockout, the league has tried everything to bring back the casual fan.  Now, "everything" includes a bizarre comic book narrative called The Guardian Project that is aimed at attracting young nerdlings.  No one knows exactly what they're guarding, but my guess was that they were guarding the unholy contract Gary Bettman signed to keep his job this long.

Yup, this fabulousness is happening.

Then Bettman and the NHL produced perhaps their greatest innovation in recent memory: an All-Star fantasy draft.  No longer simply a function in NHL 11, hockey fans saw the best players in the world create their own teams, forming never before seen lines and juicy match-ups, all while humiliating final pick Phil Kessel and Maple Leafs fans.  Talk about perfection.  There hasn't been a distribution of talent like this since Agamemnon and Priam recruited heroes for the Trojan War. (Phil Kessel as Protesilaus, anyone? Talk about amazing irony.)

The ratings justify the NHL's efforts, as the game itself saw a 33% increase in viewership over 2009 (2010 was the Winter Olympics).  As all pro leagues try to find ways to make their All-Star games relevant, the NHL for the first time in quite a while is at the forefront of innovation.

And that's what I aim for this blog to be about: looking at sports in an innovative way, identifying opportunities, and celebrating the odd and the absurd.  Finally, before signing off on this inaugural address, let's celebrate the ridiculous lacrosse stylings of Corey Perry from this year's Breakaway Challenge: