The NBA Playoffs - aka "Why we need robots now more than ever."

The NBA playoffs are underway, and everyone's real excited. After a great regular season, shocking trade deadline, and stellar individual performances, it's time to play the real games. The games that count. Not those T-Wolves vs. Clippers blooper reels (though they were much more fun with Love and Griffin this year) - I'm talking about quality, smash-mouth, defensive, team basketball. The way James Naismith intended.

And yet, part of me is reluctant to watch any of it. The game has become as annoying to watch now as it must have been to play back in Naismith's day when no one had the foresight to cut a hole in the freaking fruit basket. I've rarely watched a game where I wasn't vexed by the refereeing. And it's not just the refs being awful, corrupt, Tim Donaghy, yada yada yada... it's also annoying to have the game stopped over and over and over, especially down the stretch.

Well, originally the charter for this blog mentioned something about innovative ideas, and while most of it has been snarky commentary about athletes interspersed with odd pop culture references, I'd like to think TDZ can still amount to something more than a sleazy sports rag.

So, without further ado, some ideas to make basketball less annoying to watch than soccer again.

Early Season Accounting

Between work and marathons of 3rd Rock from the Sun on Netflix, I just couldn't find time to review the world of sports. With playoffs starting for hockey and basketball, and baseball officially in full swing, it's time to drop the bag of generic brand Doritos and start thinking about the exciting months ahead.

Starting with baseball, it's time for fantasy owners to account for their draft day profits and losses. There's no off-shore tax shelter in Dominica that can save you from disclosing the horrendous mismanagement of your team! Now it's time to bring in the Bobs for some "human resource realignment," aka Danger's gonna take a hacksaw to your team.

What do you say... ya DO here?

Introducing: a new bi-weekly/whenever-I-want segment of "Mashers, Belly-scratchers, Pitchers, and Belly-itchers," plus some waiver-wire fodder after the jump.

TDZ's Fantasy Baseball Extravaganza 2011

Fantasy leagues can be won or lost at draft time. In calculations of my fantasy football league last fall, the top 4 most well-drafted teams all made the playoffs, while the rest of us languished in consolation game ignominy.

In fantasy baseball, drafting isn't quite as important. Had I not lucked out with picking up CarGo (Carlos Gonzalez) off free agency last season, I would have never won the league. Still, drafting well makes life a whole lot easier, and lord knows baseball is the sport for a lazy man.

With your lethargy in mind, I'm happy to provide the top sleepers and stinkers to watch for in 2011!

Cinderella's Killer Heels Part 2 - The Fancy Reckoning

Making these picks isn't as easy as it looks. I've been flying solo ever since the information in a Grays Sports Almanac I found out in Cali in 1985 expired in 2000. Man, people had no idea what the future would look like back in the '80s. I'm still holding out hope for Blade Runner to pan out though.

Anyways - more picks after the cut!

March Madness: Cinderella's Killer Heels

We've all been beaten before by people (girls) who pick winners based on which uniforms are the prettiest. Shockingly, it's not a bad theory: the best basketball programs produce the greatest amount of revenue, which in turn is used for premium uniforms and careful color coordination and logo design.

In my opinion, the best way to make picks is to incorporate the fashion strategy into an end-of-season information blitz. By ignoring the ups and downs of a long season, you can take a look at the teams as a whole and not get caught up on recent successes or failures. With this arbitrary strategy, I present my picks for Round 1:

Back in the Game

Like Tiki Barber, The Danger Zone is active once again amidst comments such as "that's pretty random" and "ummm, who cares?" All those who enjoy finding amusement in the mundane and exulting in the trivial, that's who!

However, something happened this week that was decidedly NOT trivial. Yes, a record fell this week that was destined to tumble ever since my article hit the interwebs: Kevin Love has broken the record for consecutive double-doubles. Well, since the NBA-ABA merger. It's still pretty awesome.

A little thing we in the business like to call "boxing out."

He's reached 52 straight as of tonight and has built an even more impressive case for league MVP. With serious questions swirling around the team chemistry of the Heat, Dwight Howard being an inferior rebounder to Love, and Kobe being a ginormously arrogant tool, I can confidently say that Love will earn more votes than people imagine.

In other news on "Stream of Consciousness Thursday," elite slugger, and my personal favorite space cadet, Manny Ramirez is making a favorable impression with his new team, the Tampa Bay Rays. After a litany of top draft picks during countless years of abject futility, the Rays have finally had some recent success. Despite their success, games played in Tampa are kind of like trees falling in the forest: no one cares.

Due to the financial consequences of this, the Rays have been forced to make some thrifty signings instead of simply relying on their prospects, and they've signed the likes of former Sox stars Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon. Manny signed for a mere $2 million this offseason, which is 10x less per season than his previous contract. It's kind of like Charlie Sheen going from his 2.5 Men deal to living off royalties for Money Talks. (What on earth ever happened to Chris Tucker anyways?)

Older, but certainly no wiser, I still believe a hitter of Manny's talent will cause headaches for AL East teams once again this year. I also believe that the "highlights" will be plentiful as he roams the grass out in left field for another year. Incidentally, he's the only player in sports history whose position is also his state of mind, and that deserves a tribute video. Unfortunately MLB has their content locked down like Fort Knox so I submit this photo of my favorite Manny play.

Upcoming (better) articles to watch for in... The Danger Zone:

2011 Fantasy Baseball Mock Draft: first, I identify the putrid duds to avoid in the early rounds; gangrenous cesspools that are destined to fester in the flesh wound that is your roster if you have the misfortune of picking them. Then, I whisper secretively about the players you can catch baggin' Z's in the later rounds. (The section on putrid duds is proudly sponsored by Comcast.)

-and-

March Madness 2K11: having never watched a college basketball game this season, Danger presents his expert picks for the Big Dance. If you think your bracket is better because you've actually followed college hoops: wrong! And I'll explain why, next week....

*** Congrats to all voters for the latest trivia question: "Jamaica, we have a bobsled team." ***

The Danger Zone is going on hiatus.

Due to some sort of connection issue, The Danger Zone will not be published for the next 10-14 business days. Due to this incredible delay, I urge you to boycott all Comcast-owned properties (Flyers and 76ers games and merchandise) until the problem is resolved. Together you five loyal readers can make a difference!

Some NBA trade news to chew on until TDZ returns: