2015 Roster Freak Out - Week 12

This week's column is all about clearing up some confusion about the origin of the name Doge Flutie and the pronunciation of the word "Doge."

The original image that started a pointless internet fad.

First off, what even is a Doge? It's nothing more than a silly internet meme that took on a life of its own, of which Doge Flutie was the natural fantasy football pinnacle. It basically involves using the original or a manipulated version of this Shiba Inu dog(e), with a sideways glance and raised eyebrows, and then overlaying that image with short, often misspelled, phrases or individual words representing an internal monologue, always in Comic Sans font. The word "wow" is always included.

For the full history, I recommend you give this a read, but I'm going to warn you in advance, the full history is so mind-numbingly inane that I cannot believe people have the time of day to make memes like this a thing.

As far as how to pronounce "doge," there are two factions. It appears that most pronounce it "dohj" with a long o, and there does appear to be more of a historical basis for that, especially in the aforementioned article. However, "dogue" is also a viable pronunciation, as shown in the Wikipedia page for the meme. Personally, I love to use the latter - you wouldn't call someone your "dohj," but you could totally call someone your "dogue!"

As far as the numbers go, a Slate poll has "dohj" slightly ahead, but I believe "dogue" will one day overcome!

2015 Roster Freak Out - Week 11

I'm back in my home state of New Hampshire and it feels great. The air is clean, the roads are clear, and everyone greets their fellow citizen with a hearty "Live free or die!" followed by a loud chortle of delight at not having a state income or sales tax.

R.I.P.

Indeed it is a wonderful place, and I'm going to fill you in on the Granite State with 9 neat trivia factoids that will leave non-New Hampshirites seething with jealousy.

1. Why did I land on 9 factoids? Because it's the 9th state to ratify the Constitution. However, it was actually the first state to declare independence from England 6 months before the rest of the colonies signed a mutual declaration, so Delaware should really just get over itself.
2. The first potato ever planted in the U.S. happened at Londonderry Common Field in 1719. In my home town. You're welcome, Idaho.
3. The first free public library in the United States was established in Peterborough, NH. Oh, these citizens do love being learned!
4. The first American to ever travel to space, Alan B. Shepard, was from East Derry, NH. First this, first that, so pioneering!
5. The fastest wind speed ever recorded at ground level occurred at Mt. Washington with winds three times as fast as those in most hurricanes. Step your game up, Florida!
6. The saying "Live free or die" was uttered by General John Stark, a true Cincinnatus and Revolutionary badass. Many people have heard the saying, but they don't know how it ends: "Live free or die: death is not the worst of evils."
7. America's Stonehenge, a site of 4,000 year old megalithic ruins, is located in Salem, NH, and is likely the oldest man-made construction in the United States.
8. No other state has played host to the formal conclusion of a foreign war. In 1905, Russian and Japanese leaders descended upon Portsmouth, NH, to declare an end to their war. Why? To enjoy our coastline, of course - the shortest in the nation!
9. Franklin Pierce is the only New Hampshirite to become President, and he may have been the worst. He had no spine to tackle the issue of slavery in pushing for the Kansas-Nebraska Act, which basically repealed the Missouri Compromise and made a bigger mess of things. He also passed the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850, which shamefully pandered to southern states. In what could have been a cool move, he tried to annex Cuba, but of course he failed. When it came time for re-election, his party was like "thanks, but no thanks" and he became a one-term President. He drank a lot and died of cirrhosis of the liver.

So what does all this mean? New Hampshire rocks, but don't be worthless Franklin Pierce.

2015 MLB Rookie Class - Greatest in the Past Century

As I mentioned in my Nephews of Jody Reed season revue, 2015 saw the emergence of a long list of rookie standouts: Kris Bryant, Carlos Correa, Francisco Lindor, Miguel Sano, Maikel Franco, Kyle Schwarber, Matt Duffy, Jung-Ho Kang; I could go on. Even with the Red Sox underwhelming, it's an exciting time to be a baseball fan.

Just how good was this rookie class? According to this excellent FanGraphs article, they were historically good - the best rookie class in a century.

To interpret this data another way: a changing of the guard took place in 2015, and we are likely seeing the start of a new era in baseball. Built upon the foundation of an incredible rookie class, we could be entering a golden age in the game. I can't wait to see it unfold.

2015 Roster Freak Out - Week 10

It's tough to write any kind of a column this week without first acknowledging yesterday's events in Paris. I'm not particularly well-equipped to handle this news, either emotionally or as a pseudo-journalist. If you're looking for an article about the starting 9 for an all-fat baseball team, I'm your guy. If you want a nuanced analysis of the current state of the Middle East, I'll just let others handle that.

All I can say is that the people of France, Paris, and the families of those affected by these cowardly attacks have my sympathy. I hope that those responsible for addressing this situation join in solidarity and restore peace, not just to Europe, but to those lands ravaged by the scourge of extremism.

In times like these, I like to remind myself that there are still good things that happen in the world. They don't often get reported in the media, but once in a while they do, and this particular item put a smile on my face. For your viewing pleasure, here is a Guinness World Record-setting bulldog from Peru...

2015 Roster Freak Out - Week 9

Y'know, a lot of people like food. It's pretty important to this whole "life" thing. Nowadays, people are so into food that they consider themselves to be "Foodies," and dining has evolved a lot even in just the last decade to keep up with the demand for new, interesting, and delicious culinary experiences.

That flavored air will be $18, sir.

I can say with certainty that this evolution has reached its logical conclusion. A restaurant has opened in Tokyo that represents the final frontier in dining: they have created food that intentionally tastes like poop.

Curry Shop Shimizu opened in August of this year. According to its own market research, 85% of young adults have no interest in going to a restaurant for plop-flavored food, but the owners decided to ignore the research and go for it anyway!

According to the article, the restaurant tries its best to mimic the "texture and flavor of feces." How do they know they've achieved the right taste? Well, let's just say that the founder has eaten poop many times as part of another profession. As for the consistency, well, I don't think that loose of a stool is normal.... To cap it all off, the dish is served in what appears to be a bedpan.

How are the results so far? Well, in their first month they had 300 visitors, which I would assume equates to about 10 orders per night, so I imagine they really need the press to keep the enterprise going.

You're welcome, Curry Shop Shimizu.